Category: Challenge

The Dangers of Obsessions

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We all have obsessions. Some folks live for Wendy’s Frosty’s, other’s may be addicted to the series “24“. (I hope hubby isn’t reading this!) Sometimes people become obsessed with a person, a movie star, music, weight loss, or blogging. (gulp)

Obsessions are actually an unhealthy preoccupation with something. It’s perfectly normal to have preferences, and to enjoy something in which you have an avid interest. Unfortunately, our interests sometimes become… obsessions. Obsessions interfere with living life in a normal way. Some people argue that what is “normal” for one person is not “normal” for another, therefore, one cannot dictate what is an unhealthy obsession or preoccupation. The truth of the matter is that if any ONE thing, person, or activity, keeps us from living a life that makes a difference, then that “something”… that “obsession” has become something that interferes in a dangerous and toxic way.

I don’t try to hide the fact that I’m a person of faith. I have a relationship with Christ, and almost everything I do hinges on the question that reverberated through our culture in the mid-90’s, “What Would Jesus Do?” (WWJD). I believe Christ lived to make a difference. (He died to make one too). So I periodically, take a look at my life and see if I can find any “red flags”… and obsessions that are getting in the way of making a difference.

My assistance dog, Chloe, is a highly skilled and diligently trained working dog. I habitually attend follow-up training sessions with her in order to maintain and sharpen her skills. It allows me to address weaknesses with trainers who are “paying attention”, and it strengthens the bond I have with Chloe. However, Chloe is obsessed with bunnies. As a matter of fact, if I’m sitting near a window and nonchalantly voice, “Oh, look. There’s a bunny“… she comes running to the window to get a look herself! When we walk in the evenings, Chloe’s obsession with bunnies has actually put me in danger. If my Meniere’s has my balance in limbo for the day, it doesn’t take much to put me flat on my face. If my highly trained dog’s obsession with bunnies has her forgetting and disregarding everything she has learned, I’m likely to find myself face first in the sidewalk with a straining, whining, hound at the end of the leash!

Chloe loves me. She works hard and loves to please me. I’m not pleased when I’m face down on the sidewalk, feeling every bruise from having an out-of-control hound – one whose obsession is bunnies! I’ve been looking for some ways I can enjoy our walks better. I recently read about some great assistance dog training tools at one of my favorite blogs “Service Dog Sawyer“. I plan to measure Chloe for one of these harnesses… soon! I happen to know the “trainer behind Sawyer”, AND his partner. I’m going to bug them to help!

Until then, I have to just be careful that I am more attentive to my surroundings than she is. As a matter of fact, I many times notice clover-eating bunnies that Chloe doesn’t spot. As long as I see the bunny first, I can work hard at distracting her and “bracing for impact”.

People have obsessions too. I have a 17-year-old son. The “gaming” industry knows their audience. Most “gamers” are guys. I think God created men to be “goal reaching” achievers, who are proud of their accomplishments. They work hard at “winning”, and at “being the best”. Competition does them good. It motivates them, and adds “fuel to their fire”. It’s part of what makes them an eventual “provider” and “head of the home”. But young men today are obsessed with gaming. All those God-given tendencies are being used to “go up a level”, to be able to buy “more stuff” to enable their virtual “warrior” to excel. I currently have a summer-time contract with my son about his technology and games. If I didn’t set limits, Chris would literally play ALL DAY on days he doesn’t work. I’ve been setting limits on his gaming time since he was 10-years-old. I would like to think at 17, he can now set his own boundaries. But the “draw” is too strong, and when he’s bored he could play all day and not even realize he has. At least at 17, I am able to discuss and compromise… working towards a contract we both can live with!

I know young men who play all day long. Even those who work summer jobs, tend to be gaming on their days off. Why aren’t they signing up at libraries and volunteering to help teach someone to read? Why aren’t they volunteering at hospitals, camps, and churches? Why aren’t they reading? (I recently had a discussion with my husband about reading. He’s a psychologist and has studied this topic a great deal. Bottom line, “readers are leaders”. Not the greater percentage… not those who make a lot of money as well… every single GREAT leader is a “reader”). I wish young men who play a great deal of games would ask themselves, “Whose life have I made a difference in today? What have I done “for eternity? In what ways have I grown who I am today?” My son is reading Do Hard Things, by Alex and Brett Harris. He’s actually enjoying the book and he and hubby are attending “The REBELution” tour in July in our area. Chris LIKES being challenged to do “hard things”. He even sees how our culture has “dumbed down” what a life with purpose means for young men. (At least he sees it thanks to mom and dad bringing it to his attention!)

I believe people with hearing loss (and likely other disabilities) can become obsessed with technology. I have many online friends. It’s very easy for me to communicate online through email, IM, message boards, blogs, and forums. I “hear” great online! But if I’m not careful, I can spend most of my day online “working” and “investing” myself through the internet. The things in which I accomplish can be “good” things. However, if I push my keyboard back and take a look at my life closely, I can readily see the damage and void in my life caused from not being with people face-to-face.

Don’t get me wrong. Many wonderful things are accomplished online. Relationships can be strengthened; advice and support can be given and received. Information and education can be gleaned from being online and interacting with others who are as well. I like to think I’ve made a difference in other’s lives through spending time online. I like to believe this, because I am VERY certain others HAVE made a difference in MY life through “reaching me” online!

However, I really believe that there are people in our realm of influence who are in contact with us physically, emotionally and LITERALLY. We can miss opportunities for making a difference in their lives if we are distracted by our internet “world”. Although the internet has opened up many doors of opportunity… even opportunities to minister and make a difference… it can also make us oblivious to the needs of those breathing the same air we do.

Obsessions aren’t problematic for young men and hound dogs alone. Anyone can become preoccupied with something and end up “starving” another area of their life. May we all take breaks in order to evaluate whether we are living unbalanced lives!

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Taken By Surprise!

Published on by hearingelmo4 Comments

Discovering a large dog CAN be a lap dog! My 18-year-old with Chloe

My daughter, Kyersten, has developed an interest in hiking. Perhaps it is because her boyfriend is a “super hiker”, and she is learning to enjoy some of the things he does. Irregardless, on Memorial Day she took advantage of the fact that she had “mom and dad” all to herself, and drug us to Harper’s Ferry.

Harper’s Ferry is one of our favorite family “hang outs” and it takes less than 30 minutes to get there from our house. Kyersten recently went on a hike with Mark and his mother, discovering a trail we’ve never taken before as a family. She was anxious to show us the view, and so we were “game” to let her drag us up there.

Taken by surprise #1: As females are wise and practical, Kyersten and I took turns going to the bathroom so that we could watch each other’s dogs. She had her show dog, Pegasus, along for the hike and although Chloe can go to public bathrooms with ME, Peg cannot go to public bathrooms with Kyersten. (Besides, he’s a BOY dog – smile) Peg attracts a lot of attention. He’s umm… UNUSUAL looking.

Left alone as hubby was parking the van, Chloe, Peg and I made ourselves comfortable at a picnic table.  It didn’t take long for a family to make a bee-line for me and started asking questions about Peg. (Chloe is quite use to this and normally rolls her eyes and lays down to wait while all the questions like “was he born that way?” are answered). The “mom” of the family was standing on my left, and pointed to my head and said, “Amy, come look at this!”

I was taken by surprise by the delight and attention that was now directed at ME. “Mom” explained that Amy was waiting to get her first hearing aid. She was born with a bi-lateral hearing loss and was waiting for the “pink swirly” ear mold to come in before going to her audiologist for her last fitting. Amy looked to be about 6 or 7 years old. They were very interested in my cochlear implant and “bling”, and I also showed her my orange/red ear mold on the hearing aid in my right ear. Amy seemed excited about the prospect of putting “bling” on her own hearing aid when she began wearing it.

I get a lot of “looks” in public, but rarely have the opportunity to discuss hearing loss as much as I did with Amy and her family. When they walked away, the mother mouthed, “thank you“. I was under the impression Amy hadn’t met a lot of people with hearing loss. I was glad to be an impromptu role model.

Taken by surprise #2:

Finally ready for the hike, my daughter led us across the road and up the path to the railroad bridge. It’s a good thing my 17-year-old son, Chris was NOT along. He has “acrophobia” and would have never made it across! Chloe was not in vest as it was a hot day, and our goal was the top of a mountain! She stayed in a proper heel all the way across the bridge. When we got to the other side, we were to take a metal, spiral-staircase down to the path next to the Potomac River. I stepped down and made it down 3 steps and realized something with sudden clarity. Chloe wasn’t moving and I was on the verge of losing my balance. I think I may have screeched! Terry took my bag for me, and I turned to look at Chloe while holding the staircase railing with a “death grip”.

She was quivering from head to tail, and although she made it to the 2nd stair, her toes were curled around the rungs on the iron steps and her eyes were as wide as saucers. She was scared “drool-less”. (Chloe, being a hound does not have “spit”, she has “drool”… one kiss from her and you’ll agree fairly quickly!)

Hubby said, “Uh… Denise! I don’t think we are going to be able to do this!”

Kyersten and I both swung our heads to look at him with consternation… “Honey! A working dog doesn’t “not” do something new just because they are scared! I can do this! SHE can do this!”

I began talking to Chloe non-stop and used her name over and over again. Kyersten told me later that people coming UP the stairs were murmuring, “Poor Chloe!” “You can do it, Chloe!”, etc. Slowly but surely, Chloe came down the stairs. I’m sure seeing the ground underneath her from THAT high up, totally rattled her. But with shaking paw after shaking paw, she made it all the way to the bottom. We all praised her like crazy, and her tail gave one or two VERY small wags! Peg, who was CARRIED DOWN, looked at her like “what did she do to deserve so much praise?”

All of us needed a “breather” after that scare, and I had to admit to my family that I was totally taken by surprise that those stairs scared her. I’m so accustomed to her being in public with confidence and just being happy to be by my side, I was not ready for her to be frightened by something! I learned a valuable lesson… new things should be approached with caution.

Taken by surprise #3: My third surprise was that my daughter’s idea of a flat, wide path with compact mulch through a shady forest, is REALLY a 6.3 mile hike that is labeled by the park service as “difficult”. She did get the “shady” forest part right. She was also right about the view at least!

Chloe? Well today, she seems to have recovered…

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Acceptance is…

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments

Have you ever had a time in your life where you realized that accepting the way things are is all you can do right now?

The advocate in me chafes at what acceptance means. There is a part of me that yearns to be instrumental in change; that other late-deafened adults will be encouraged and helped by the things I do. In the public arena I try to be a good example, a positive influence that stimulates change in access, communication strategies, and coping mechanisms.

As a person with a working dog and one who has carefully counted the cost of what that means, I want to be a good role model. I hope to help create an awareness that there are other types of working dogs that are not guide dogs for the blind. I want to be instrumental in other’s acceptance of other types of working dogs.

It is much easier for me to “go to bat” for others. If it means a sacrifice will help someone else, I do so with little thought about whether or not I should. However, exerting emotional, mental and physical efforts in which the end result helps only me? Well… that is much harder!

When I first began losing my hearing, I lived in North Carolina. I had a friend who had a great deal of experience in working with people with hearing loss. Thoroughly exasperated one day, she put her hands on her hips and exclaimed, “Denise! You are the most difficult person to HELP! If and when we can, would you just sit down and LET US?” To this day, it is still something I struggle with each and every day. I want to “help”, but don’t help me!

I hope that I’ve mellowed with age, for in truth it is pride that keeps me from humbly accepting assistance from others. I’ve actually learned to ask for help! That’s GROWTH in my opinion! (grin)

Acceptance can be difficult to embrace. I accept that I have a hearing loss. I have a disability that at times makes communication difficult. I accept that I will need to ask for help at times in order to clarify, and that I will need to clearly communicate my needs.

Sometimes, acceptance means that right now… nothing can be done to improve your situation. My family and I are members of a really wonderful church here in Frederick. Our church is “big” on “small groups”. It is a way for the members to really get to know one another and to become involved in each other’s lives on a more personal level. Without going into a lot of unnecessary detail, there is no place for me in any of the current small groups. I’m encouraged that there are “plans in the works” to create a small group this fall that will be in a quieter setting with no children, etc. For now, however, I accept that there is not a place for me. Acceptance can mean to be brave and smile right through the feelings of loneliness. Acceptance does not mean that you “give up” emotionally and wrongly convince yourself that “this is the way it will always be”.

I am in a tough situation with my assistance dog, Chloe right now. A new person in my life has a very severe allergy to animals with fur. It is actually a life-threatening asthmatic reaction to pet dander, and she is unable to be near me if Chloe is with me.

Chloe isn’t a pet. As an assistance dog, her job is to be with me even if I do not immediately need her ears to hear or her “steady stance” to balance. To leave her at home in her kennel on occasion is not a problem. But to do so regularly, affects our bond in a negative way. It’s tough when a “new person” enters your life that you want to get to know better, but you must limit getting together with them because you cannot leave your assistance dog at home a great deal. I must accept that sometimes I can’t get to know someone like I would hope, as I cannot undo all the work and training I have gone through in order to live a more independent life.

Acceptance isn’t always an easy, “feel good” choice. At times, one must courageously determine that you can “accept” the way things are for the present. Right now, “acceptance” has actually caused a lot of heart break in my life… it has caused many a heated argument, frustration and sleepless nights. I can, umm… (BIG SMILE) accept that!

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

I Can’t HANDLE IT!!!

Published on by hearingelmo3 Comments

Have you ever heard anyone say, “I’ll be OK! God promises to not give me anything that I can’t handle!” Or maybe you’ve heard, “You’ll be ok! Don’t worry! You have to trust that God will never give you something you can’t handle!” (It’s even worse when someone preaches that verse at YOU when you are going through something difficult!)

I suppose that this verse from the Bible – when mis-interpreted, and pulled out of context – is one of my biggest pet peeves. The verse is found in the book of First Corinthians, chapter ten, verse 13. The people who mis-use this verse the most cannot even tell you where it’s found!

Let me paste it here in case you are unfamiliar with what the verse says:

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”

Paul was writing a letter to the church in Corinth. Many had refused to take responsibility for their poor decisions, or actions which led to sin. Paul pointed out that God always provides a way for you NOT to make poor choices. He allows an opportunity for you to do the right thing.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard folks (with the BEST intentions) mis-interpret this verse, I’d be very rich in … umm… nickels!

The truth of the matter is, that sometimes things can happen that I cannot handle. At times, I picture myself with hair standing straight up, clothes rumpled and torn, dirt from head to toe (basically looking as if I’ve just stepped out of a war zone), with megaphone in hand shouting to the Heavens… “Hello God? Umm… what in the heck are Ya doin’?” Yup. From time to time, I can’t HANDLE IT.

God has never promised anyone… anywhere… that He will not allow things to happen in your life that you can’t handle. We’re human. Much of what life has to offer, we cannot handle. Think of the holocaust, AIDS, Somalia, earthquakes, wars, cancer… these things are simply “life happening”. God doesn’t allow terrible things to individuals because they can “handle it”.

One of the most difficult things about having a disability that is considered “acquired”… one that develops later in life… is that you are not the person you WERE. It’s tough on relationships to have to learn to communicate differently, or learn to accept a working dog within four feet of a person you once knew that lived life without one!

I have times where I just can’t HANDLE IT. I usually drag myself out of my self-made “pity party” simply because what I live with is nothing compared to what some must HANDLE on a daily basis. I’m coping. I’m learning and growing.

Thankfully, I don’t go through tough times alone. I have discovered a great number of people just like me; people who can’t handle it from time to time. It helps to find others coping with the same problems.

Of course… when I’m really at my wits end, God reaches down and takes the megaphone from me. (After all, HE hears just fine!) He says, “You can’t handle it, Denise, but I can. I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’ll go through this with you. Your deafness? Not a problem. You don’t need ears to “hear” Me. The dog? Not a problem. I love dogs!”

Accept that there will be times in your life that you can’t handle it. I hope those times drag you into the presence of the One who can.

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Sometimes? Sometimes it hurts…

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sometimes-its-hard.jpg

I like to think that I approach life with a really wonderful attitude. One of the biggest reasons that I am able to do so, is that I am really so incredibly blessed! I have the absolute greatest family, a wonderful husband, an assistance dog who loves me in the way God created dogs to love people (unconditionally), a super church, etc. Even my disability is one in which I can “handle” most days, and have been blessed by the friendships of others who really have a bigger burden to bear in their own disabilities.

Some people hate the word “disability”, as it lends one towards thinking they are NOT able – hence “dis” abled. I do like to focus on what I can do, instead of those things I cannot. However, I try very hard to balance that with reality. There ARE things I cannot do as a result of my disability. I think when one says that certain physical challenges (or emotional or mental) do not affect our everyday lives, one is really embracing a state of denial. I think we have to be honest with ourselves. It is only in this way we can then go out and be honest with others. I sit in my house alone as I write this, as my family has gone to participate in RESPITE… a ministry of our church. It is a ministry I cannot participate in, as I cannot allow my own deafness and balance problems place a child with disabilities in danger. I don’t care if I tumble down the stairs, or fail to hear something that ends up hurting me. I do care should I place another in danger. I accept that my disability will not allow me to do some things… things like RESPITE.

“Honestly”? (Grin), I think Christians make a mistake when they choose to go around acting as if life is always good all the time. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, but sometimes? Life isn’t! Sometimes? Sometimes it hurts…

Oswald Chambers wrote in My Utmost for His Highest, “A river is victoriously persistent, it overcomes all barriers. For awhile it goes steadily on its course, then it comes to an obstacle. For awhile it is balked, but it soon makes a pathway round the obstacle. You can see God using some lives, but into your life an obstacle has come and you do not seem to be of any use. Keep paying attention to the Source, and God will either take you round (it) or remove it. Never get your eyes on the obstacle or on the difficulty.”

I really do try to live that way. I consider myself a persistent little brat! I’ve had a few barriers disguised as boulders thrown into the course of my river! Sometimes, that boulder has acted like a dam. The water rising around me made me feel defeated and useless. There were times I wanted to stay in that stagnate pool so that I didn’t have to continue my journey down the riverbed. But after lessons learned, and a new desire to persevere, the “water” broke over the top of that barrier. And golly! The waterfall created after a necessary period of “standing water” was magnificent! Even in my deafness I could hear the roar of newfound power released, as I heard it from my heart! I know that God must have looked down and saw the water finally cascade over that barrier and thought, “Ah! Now that is why I created her! Look at her go now!”

My deafness has brought me a unique and valuable group of peers, many of whom have become very close friends. My deafness has definitely coerced me closer to my God; sometimes with a gentle push and other times with a giant shove. My deafness has helped me to really “listen” with other senses, as I’ve learned to see emotions play across people’s faces more clearly. People do not realize that their emotions can many times echo off of them like waves. These emotions of tension, happiness, sadness or anger, can almost knock a person over if they are really listening with something other than ears.

It reminds me of when I stood in the Atlantic ocean about 15 years ago. My family I were staying in a condo with my father-in-law on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I stood in about 18 inches of salt water. Tears of shock poured down my face as I had been “sucker punched” with the knowledge that I could not hear the ocean. I could feel it, but I could not hear it. I grew up in Colorado – a completely landlocked state for those of you with geographical “issues”. (smile) So my very first time to stand in the ocean, trying to hear what I no longer had the hearing to do, wounded me deeply. (Now that I have a cochlear implant I have to get my ears to the ocean… well, the rest of me too! I’m fairly certain Maryland borders the ocean!) That week I did, however, learn how the ocean feels. Even in 18 inches of water, the current could be felt. My toddlers played around me in the surf and would squeal and run when they heard a big wave come crashing towards the shore. I soon learned that what I couldn’t hear, I could feel… and rarely was caught unaware by an incoming whitecap!

I think people with hearing loss can learn to hear better than those with normal hearing… if only we determine to do so.

But you know? Just when I think I’ve got a “handle” on my hearing loss and balance issues, something happens to remind me that hearing loss can still hurt. Sometimes? Sometimes it hurts…

I slammed the door of our van on my son’s hand yesterday. It was only by seeing my daughter’s horrified expression as she faced me and saw the commotion outside my door that I even knew it had happened. My first response was, “Why didn’t you holler?” Both assured me that everyone within a square mile DID hear him holler. Being able to hear, wouldn’t have meant his hand would not have been “in the wrong place at the wrong time”, but I certainly would have opened my door quicker had I heard him!

I’ve also learned that even though I tend to “read someone’s emotions well”, if that person decides to deliberately hide their feelings then I am truly “deaf”. As a mother, I find myself tagging along behind a child who is hurting, trying desperately to sense what is wrong. I feel like Sherlock Holmes sometimes, trying to deduce what might be the problem from analyzing evidence that is clear… about a problem that is NOT. If my children need their “space” and choose to not discuss certain things, it is their choice. I can sense a problem, but not be able to identify it. It can be rather annoying for a mother to shadow your every step and try to find out what is wrong! My children are growing up, and needing me less. My brain knows that, but my heart refuses to let go just yet.

I worry about how I’ll know if something is wrong, when they eventually move out… get married… and have families of their own. If I’m not within arms reach, how can I feel that something is wrong… that something is hurting them? I know and trust that God will always be that “within arm’s reach” source of comfort. Knowing it, trusting it, and being able to truly come to terms with it is something else though!

I suppose that is why my “river” will always have barriers to work around. Sometimes those barriers are big things; things that cause my river to surge to a halt. Other times, those barriers are a series of small things. Ultimately, I must press on. My river has a course to run.

Phil. 3: 13(b)-14 “but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. “

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Get to the Forest!

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“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”trail-to-graveyard.jpg

This picture was taken at Harper’s Ferry in 2006. It doesn’t exactly show a forest that is isolated like I believe this riddle alludes too, but it is “Kodak evidence” of how fond I am of forests.

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

Don’t you love a great riddle? This has always been one of my favorites as it causes me to “wax philosophical”. Is sound only sound if a person is around to hear it?

My first reaction is that OF COURSE a falling tree makes a noise when it falls, irregardless of whether or not a person is around when it happens! In a forest, trees are usually densely packed with only the occasional trail towards a water source, created by “forest dwelling mammals”. Can you picture a large tree in a forest suddenly beginning its descent towards earth? No one is around to holler, “TIMMM-BERRRR!” (I had to scratch my head and ponder on that awhile! Why shout “Timber!” when a falling “timber” begins to fall? Why not yell, “Look out! Move back! HEADS UP! Sorry I digress…)

It very likely snaps and pops, creating echoes of noise that reverberate through the forest. Nearby trees lose their own branches and twigs as the tree makes it way down, Down, DOWN. They shudder and groan as the descending tree makes contact with them, and seem to almost respond to the original noise by snapping and popping as well. The tree picks up speed as it nears its resting place, and the ground shakes in percussion as final contact is made. A great deal of noise was made in this process. Had I been standing there watching it happen, the noise would have been no different had I been at home in my recliner watching FOX news. I could have even set up a camera to catch all the action and noise. Yet no more or less noise was made when it fell.

Things That Make Me Go, “Hmmmm… ”

I think that this is important. If NO ONE IS THERE TO HEAR THE NOISE, then NO SOUND WAS HEARD. Many things can make a noise, but only ears hear sound. Therefore, if no one was around when that tree fell in the forest, no sound was heard! (Are you scratching your head in confusion yet?)

Stick with me here!

Do you know that when people with hearing loss advocate for themselves or others, they can make NOISE or they can make SOUND? Noise is usually made by people who have simply “had it” with the hearing world. These folks are angry, bitter, and believe change cannot and will not happen. Their noise is ignored by people with normal hearing, or worse yet… it is only acknowledged if that person decides they need to step out of the way of that NOISY, FALLING tree!

These noisy people refuse to call their Congressman when HLAA, ALDA or other organizations put out a plea to “make yourself heard”. Cell phone compatibility, accurate captioning, and hearing aid tax credits are just a few things that I have been urged to voice my opinion about to my own government officials in recent years. They belly-ache and groan about how hard life is when you have a hearing loss. They don’t really like to be with groups of others with hearing loss as they may find people who are coping just fine. They don’t want to reach out to someone new with hearing loss, because THEY want to make noise… not listen to others! They grumble, gripe, groan and belly-ache… keeping Pepto-Bismol in business.

They choose to criticize hearing loss organizations who are busy trying to get them to “make themselves heard”. They act as if the power of combined sound is in the Board of Trustees instead of the members who make up the organization. They completely miss the point that if they join others who step up to advocate in a positive way, their combined “noise” swells into an orchestra of purposeful sound that crescendos and echoes it’s way across America.

When we advocate in a positive way we do more than make noise. Our sound is heard. It may still be ignored, or it may be that they think it is only the sound of ONE tree. That’s why it’s important to be around other trees; to be around others with hearing loss. We observe, we learn, we support and educate. We learn to be pro-active, and learn to do more than make noise. We learn to make a sound that is HEARD.

Get to the forest! Let’s make some sound!

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Deaf/Blind for a Day?

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usakeller2.jpg Helen Keller with President Dwight D. Eisenhower

A friend of mine named Bob MacPherson (owner and moderator bhNews, a listserve to which I belong) posted the following article: Helen Keller

I have no idea where he found this, but he’s always been incredibly gifted at digging up interesting tidbits that no one else seems to know about. Even people without disabilities or physical challenges appreciate Helen Keller and her life. I remember reading books about Ms. Keller when I was in grade school back in the 70’s.

In the last couple of weeks, one of my classes was “Deaf for a Day“. Due to a few very negative reactions from students and their families, as well the counter reactions from my family and online friends who were looking forward to the assignment’s conclusion, I decided to not discuss the assignment in class this year. I chose to have them write about it instead, and I really look forward to reading what they “learned”. (Hey! I’m wise enough to note my own emotional limitations by which to handle topics that are painful for me!)

I suppose since this is still on my mind a great deal due to everything that happened, Bob’s article on Helen Keller got me to thinkin’…

“Hey! I should remove my cochlear implant and hearing aid… wear a blindfold… and be Deaf/Blind for the day! After all I have several very dear friends who have this combination of challenges!”

Well my husband put a quick stop to this idea. He has numerous emergency room bills from falls I take when I have full use of my sight. He wasn’t about to allow me to take away yet another sense. stick-in-mud.jpg(He can be a real stick in the mud! Kidding) It didn’t seem to matter that it’s been a full 6 months since I’ve been to the ER for an accident due to my poor balance!

I did find myself longing to experience a deaf/blind day as two of my dear friends live this every day. (I posted about them recently here). It is my opinion that the best way to understand how another lives, is to “walk in their shoes”.

As I often do, I digress. Wasn’t it incredible that being deaf AND blind, Helen Keller still learned to speak so well that her enunciation was perfect? Not even someone talking with her on the telephone could tell she was deaf/blind by listening to her voice! Helen Keller learned to SING? It’s an incredible skill and testimony of hours of practice and work to speak well when deaf/blind. But to sing as well? (Honestly, my jaw dropped open when I read this!) I am only “late-deafened”, and was a member of different choirs in high school and college. Think you’ll ever hear me sing now? Think again. When I sing I use my hands now, not daring to trust that I may possibly actually sing in tune with my voice. I do sing around the house sometimes, but it’s usually when I’m hooked up to my Sennheiser TR 820 listening to iTunes. I’m fairly confident that I’m not singing in tune, judging by the winces from my family and Chloe!

Helen Keller is a great example… I suppose in many ways a hero to me. She is the author of several books. I think it’s time I re-read them.

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Kindness is a Language the Deaf Can Hear…

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“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
— Mark Twain

My senior kiddo is taking American Literature this year. She just finished the novel “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”.

I’ve always been a little “nuts” about Mark Twain, even though I don’t agree with everything he did, wrote, or said. I think you can still admire a writer and a “mind”, and not agree on “everything”. I love this quote by Mr. Twain, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see”. I believe that. Kindness is something appreciated by all people regardless of their ability to hear, see, walk, talk, read and ETC.

In blogs across the internet there has been much hullabaloo over the Pepsi commercial shown at the beginning of the Super Bowl. If you missed it, you can view it at YouTube here.

Personally, I loved the advertisement. It doesn’t matter to me that the majority of folks with hearing loss choose not to learn or use ASL. I think any recognition of hearing loss and communicating in a non-traditional way is something to celebrate!

I’ve seen blog after blog “bashing” another’s perspective or point of view! Why? Certainly the culturally Deaf and oral hearing loss communities have differences. They choose to communicate differently, they take advantage of different types of assistive devices, and have several different access needs for accommodation. However, I truly believe that we have many similarities and issues that unify us… initiatives on which we can work together. Captioning, cell phone and telecommunication accessibility, and being treated with kindness instead of being treated like we are STUPID are just a few.

Another thing that benefits both populations is SEEING. In the Pepsi commercial, I love that one of the first things the actors did in the car was to flip on the light so that they could communicate! That’s something I still do, even after being surgically implanted with bionic hearing, and taking advantage of numerous assistive listening devices. It still helps for me to SEE the face.

One of the many reasons I am so thankful for my hearing loss, is that I have seen my children grow up treating people… all people… with respect and kindness. When we lived in NC, we were active in the families and lives of people who suffered from traumatic brain injury. When we moved to the DC area, we learned much more about the hearing loss community and how best to treat someone with this disability like an equal… and with KINDNESS. If having an acquired disability results in my children becoming people who treat all individuals with kindness, I count myself blessed. Kindness is a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak. Kindness heals the injured, and moves those who are now immobile. Kindness is a language that knits together the hearts of every person; if we will only learn it. It’s not a tough language. We can all be bi-lingual in this regard!

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Retreating or Engaging?

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I recently read an article at HSLDA that really caused me to think about whether or not I “retreat” or “engage”.

I love to look up definitions of words that I already know, as I am many times surprised by a new definition or use of a word I have been using for some time.

As always, there are numerous definitions for words. It often depends on the context and how you choose to use the word.

For “retreat“, I liked the following definition:
“the act of withdrawing, as into safety or privacy; retirement; seclusion”. For the word “engage“, I chose these definitions: “to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons)” and to attract and hold fast.

This is a picture from 2004 with my friends Art N. and Linda K. from Florida. They are both deaf and blind. We are pictured with their guide dogs Dusty and Charcoal. I am holding one of Art’s famous embossed “hug coupon” cards. He believes in the power of a “hug”, and gives them out liberally.

Art and Linda would find it very easy to retreat from life. They each have two major disabilities, and neither were born with them. Both acquired them later in life; Linda began losing her sight as a child, and her hearing as a teen. Art began losing both senses as an adult. It would be pretty simple for them to hole up in a “safe” place and have someone take care of their needs. Many would choose to withdraw from life, as it can be a very difficult thing to interact with people not being able to see or hear well. Art has a unilateral hearing loss, and Linda is one of the few bilateral cochlear implant users that I have met. This doesn’t mean that they communicate easily, however, and it takes patience and “work” to communicate with others.

The internet has been a wonderful tool for them, and it was through an online support group that I first met them. I was so taken with them and their very special abilities, I became a very willing friend and have met them several times in person.

Art and Linda reach out to others. They engage people where they are at… whether an online support group or through the numerous places they go to during the week. They eat at several different restaurants whose owners and patrons know them by name, Linda gets her nails done, they go to get their haircut often, shop for groceries, and just got back from voting in Florida’s primaries. To meet them is to be forever changed. They rub off on a person in a really wonderful way.

They chose to engage others and have had a profound impact on the lives of others. They chose not to retreat and hide from the world.

I have to admit that there are times that I wish I could just stay at home and hide from others. It can be very difficult telling the SAME people the SAME things about how best to communicate with me. I suppose in some ways I have retreated from certain functions, but I really believe it is more of a way to preserve my sanity than it was to retreat from fear! A friend of mine named Sandy, tried very hard to include me in every function available to other teachers. She made it possible for me to utilize my personal FM system, insisted everyone use a microphone attached and linked to that same device, and made sure meetings were held in a round table format. However, there were certain things like “holiday parties” that I had to put my foot down and insist on not going too! Sometimes what is “gained” (that is, going to a party, eating fattening foods, playing silly games, hanging out with my peers), is not worth the price that must be paid when you have a hearing loss. The stress, fatigue, and “dangers” I would encounter… were not worth the risk! (Dangers? Have you ever tried balancing a plate, the leash of your assistance dog all while experiencing vertigo from Meniere’s disease? Smile! Yikes!)

However, as much as possible I believe I have tried to “engage” people. I teach classes and hope to relay valuable information about hearing loss to others. I speak at functions when invited and try to represent the population I am a part of in a positive way. I take part in national initiatives that seek to make hearing loss a matter of national concern. I try to make a difference where I’m “at”… where I live.

Each of us have unique gifts and talents. We also each have unique problems that can create barriers to our engaging people. We may be tempted to retreat.

I challenge you as I challenge myself each and every day… go out an engage someone. Attract their attention and hold them fast by occupying their attention and interest. Retreat is sometimes necessary. Just don’t STAY there…

Denise Portis
©2008 Hearing Loss Diary

Another Perspective

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Okay, this feels really weird talking from my mom’s blog. I know this blog is widely read…I think I am getting stage fright.

I gave an aggravated and stirring (well, at least aggravated) speech to my mom this morning about one of her sign classes.

Last week she was explaining to this sign class their assignment, “Deaf for a Day”, which I think my mom has mentioned earlier in this blog. It’s an assignment she really looks forward to each year, excited for her students to see things from a new point of view.

Now, this year I am a senior, and everyone LOOKS incredibly young to me anyway. But I was shocked at how immaturely some of the students responded after hearing their assignment. They were downright WHINY. I have a slow temper (unless you talk to my brother), but I was furious. Here was an assignment that my mom was excited about, worked hard on, etc., and they acted like brats.

I truly wish, and hope, they will see the reason for the assignment. It is a ONE DAY assignment… ONE DAY. It is not going to ruin their life to take this time to see things from another perspective. A person with hearing loss cannot take a day off from not hearing to see things from a hearing perspective. They live with it EVERYDAY. I have first-hand experience of this with my mom. I felt offended for my mom’s sake…like they were saying her life was too horrible to go through for one day.

Being a KODA (kid of a deaf adult), I want to encourage y’all who have a hearing loss, that most friends and family of those with a hearing loss, admire you who have to be “deaf for a day” EVERYDAY. And not all students choose to learn nothing from this experience. Some really embrace it and learn to be thankful for their hearing as well as being able to better understand those with a hearing loss.

Thanks Mom for allowing me to post from your blog where more people could read it, seeing as how my blog is never read….or posted in…actually where is my blog?

Sincerely,
Kyersten Portis

P.S. That is an AWFUL picture of me. My mom thinks I look so cute in it, but that’s because she is my mom. I was having a bad hair day…and face day….and etc. Just to let you know.