cochlear implants – Page 14

When One Makes a Plan to Quit Church…

Published on November 4, 2008 by hearingelmo6 Comments

God has a wonderful sense of humor I believe. I’m quite certain that I make Him laugh out loud on occasion, as I can be funny even without trying. (I’m NEVER funny when I DO try!) I also imagine that He has rolled His eyes, chuckled with minor annoyance, and wished He could THUMP me on the head at times as well.

This past week I had a couple of serious discussions with my husband about church. I had a “plan” about when I would no longer be attending church.

I’m getting ahead of myself, however, so let me explain how all this began. I had begun consciously thinking about what I would no longer do once my kids were gone from home. What started all this (dangerous) thinking was my epiphany of how different fixing supper each night would be after it became “just Terry and I”. I have a “soon to be 18-year-old” son, who eats like most 18-year-old boys. He actually eats very healthy… but he eats a LOT. So while fixing supper one evening, I realized that I would go from baking six chicken breasts to baking just two chicken breasts in only a couple of years!

Well we all know how one “thing”, or one “thought”, can lead to another. Before I knew it, I realized that I was thinking about how I was going to have to explain to Terry why I wouldn’t go to church with him anymore. I hated to have that conversation, for I didn’t have a plan to stop going as a result of my losing my faith, anger at God, or a back-slidden spiritual condition. I felt badly for Terry, because he would have to go alone. And yet, it never entered my thinking that he shouldn’t be going alone. It’s as if the decision had already been made.

I really love our church, and our pastor is a phenomenal pastor/teacher. The couple of things I’ve discussed with him about people with hearing loss were always met with approval and a very genuine desire to help. Churches are exempt from the Federal law (ADA) mandating that assistance dogs be allowed to accompany their partner with a disability. Chloe has always been welcome at my church. But…

I am invisible at our church. I come in and a couple of people say “hello”. I then go to sit down, make Chloe comfortable, sing/sign with the congregation, listen attentively, pray, sit around and wait for my family to finish their “clean-up”tasks, and then we go home. I’ve actually written and then deleted a couple of paragraphs here explaining the different ministries in our church and why I can’t participate (or how I “tried” and it failed… believe me there were numerous attempts!) I’ve chosen to not add that in this post because, 1) I don’t want anyone to think I’m being critical. I feel harbor no ill feelings towards any ministry or individual, and 2) the purpose of this post is to explain God’s intervention and how He’s made it clear I cannot deliberate whether or not I should attend church.

So in order to keep this from being “novel length”, let me cut to the chase. I walked into church Sunday and went to my “spot” in order to sit invisible. God sent three different people over to me that did more than say “hello”. They asked how I was doing, what was going on in my life… He even allowed me to offer prayer and encouragement to someone needing to know that someone would honestly “pray without ceasing” for her.

I went from sitting “invisible“, to sitting “surprised”. Chloe kept looking at me funny, so for all I know my mouth was even hung ajar in shock. Yes. At times God chooses to reach down and “thump” His younguns on the head.

In preparing to write this post, I was reminded that one thing many late-deafened people have in common is the trap of a self-imposed isolation. I’ve been to conventions, conferences, and support group meetings. I’ve even spoken in workshops, research symposiums, and on Capital Hill. I should know better. Yet… I am just as much in danger of allowing myself to simply “drop out”, as someone new to hearing loss. Why?

Perhaps it’s because “all of this gets really old”. Or maybe we wonder if we are making a difference to anyone? My messed up thinking had me convinced that I go to church now because my kids care if I do. I didn’t have to twist my own arm or anything to convince myself that after THEY are gone… no one will notice ME gone.

I say all of this in order to remind all of us, that God can use anyone. He can use the deaf, the blind, and those with mobility challenges. He can use the hyperactive, the extremely shy introvert, and those who do not have “traditional” spiritual gifts or talents. In the meantime, my involvement remains at simply being able to faithfully pray. It’s very likely something I do better than most. I disconnect my cochlear implant, and instantly eliminate all background noise and distractions.

I think the late-deafened get bogged down in what they “use to be able to do”. When I could hear I was in the choir, taught 2nd grade boys Sunday School, led two women’s Bible studies, worked in the Deaf Ministry (how ironic!) and acted as a secretary for the Children’s church. I can’t let what I use to be able to do, keep me from finding joy in what I can do now. If the bulk of what I do happens to be ministries outside the church, it doesn’t mean that I should no longer go.

Don’t allow yourself to believe “church” won’t miss you. In the end, that’s not the point of “church” is it?

Denise Portis

Harpers Ferry Sees a lot of US

Published on November 4, 2008November 4, 2008 by hearingelmoLeave a comment

Denise and Chloe at Jefferson Rock in Harpers Ferry State Park, October 2008

We go to Harpers Ferry a great deal. For one thing it is within “spittin’ distance” of our home. Secondly, the view and park is simply breath-taking. No matter what time of year we go, it’s beautiful. I keep telling Terry that when we retire one day, I want to live in the historic section of Harpers Ferry. (I think he thinks I’m teasing!)

Going to Harpers Ferry is much more fun than it use to be. For one thing, I love hearing the trains thanks to the miracle of “hearing again“. For another, I don’t have near the number of falling or stumbling accidents that I use too “pre – Chloe”. Having a hearing assistance dog who also helps with a great number of balance related tasks makes me much more independent. There is one flight of stone steps that I literally CRAWLED up prior to having her counter-balance on the left! I “see more” of Harpers Ferry than I use too! Grin!

Denise Portis

Made a Spectacle of Herself

Published on October 31, 2008October 31, 2008 by hearingelmo6 Comments

This morning I went to the grocery store. I hate to go on Fridays, but we were out of a few things that I couldn’t wait for at a later date. I went first thing in the morning, anxious to avoid the crowds that hit the grocery store on Friday afternoon.

Chloe was in rare form and a bit too playful. The autumn weather was gorgeous, so I chalked her good mood up to that, and decided this trip would be productive as she was also anxious to work.

Once we entered the store, Chloe decided I needed everything she came across on the floor. As this is a new skill for her (point and say “fetch object” to different items), I gave her some leeway. I hope to eventually have her cued to specifics like “fetch water bottle”. She already recognizes the specifics “fetch keys” and “fetch phone”. A recent skill she learned was picking up a piece of paper. This can be tricky, as paper tears easily. She needs to make sure she doesn’t put a foot on it during the process of lifting it off the floor with her teeth.

The picture above is her fetching my shopping list. To Chloe, this is a very grand game; she doesn’t realize that on days my balance is bad that the last thing I want to do is to reach clear to the floor for something flat. So if it is a game to her and HELP to me, we are both happy.

At the check out, I walked into one of the “self-check” out lines. These things use to scare me to death, and I actually blogged about a particularly funny “first encounter” here. Now that I have a cochlear implant, I actually like these lines as I can hear the computer very well, and it also chirps and dings. The conveyor belt even “whirs”! All of these “noises” are wonderful little reminders of the blessing of “hearing again”, so I probably take more time than I should.

After completing the scan of all of my items, I pressed “finish and pay” just like the “self check-out” veteran I am. Unfortunately, my Amex card wouldn’t scan. I caught the eye of a nearby front-line manager, and she came over to see what the problem was. Evidently it wouldn’t take credit cards “today”, so she printed out a receipt and asked me to follow her to HER cash register where I could scan my card.

I quickly zipped my Amex card through, and promptly dropped it on the floor. Chloe, still in a great “I’m fetching everything today” mood, did exactly what a hearing assistance dog is suppose to do. They are trained to do automatic retrieves, as HoH and deaf people often do not HEAR what they’ve dropped. So before I could interfere, she was in a “bow” trying to pick up my credit card.

Dropped credit cards are “ornery little pieces of plastic” when laying on a hard surface. She tried for about 20 seconds and then kind of smacked at it and “woofed” softly. I heard laughter from several different locations, and so lifted my head to see who was watching. I became aware of 4 or 5 employees standing there watching. Chloe, a trifle exasperated, started lifting my shoe by the shoe strings in order to retrieve SOMETHING. I whispered WRONG, as this can set me on my behind fairly quickly! She spied a dropped receipt and quickly retrieved THAT and laid it in my hand. I pointed once more to the card, and she finally was able to flip it enough with a toenail that she could pick it up.

Applause and cheers erupted around us, and I bemusedly grinned at my working dog. She sat there sweetly with tail flopping 90 mph, very VERY proud of herself. Several standing around asked her name, and I told them. In hindsight, that actually wasn’t very smart. When they see her now and call her name, she’ll want to see who knows her. Sigh. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. It’s there on my horizon most certainly, as I never go to any grocery store but this one!

Denise Portis

“Cane” Shopping

Published on October 24, 2008 by hearingelmo3 Comments

I’ve been a little depressed the past week or so. I took a pretty bad fall a “rainy weekend” ago, and had to follow-up with my doctor to make sure I hadn’t broken a leg, arm or rib. I was covered in bruises for a couple of weeks. I mentioned to my husband, that I noticed that if I use my umbrella on the right side (with Chloe in heel on the left), then I do much better on rainy days.

Falling doesn’t make me depressed. Bruises don’t make me depressed. Mentioning “it may be time for me to get a cane for rainy days”, and darling hubby jumping all over it? That made me depressed. I said it half in jest, but he was completely serious.

I’ve been falling all my life. I was one of those “accident prone” kids. I even remember one time in college, my RA told me, “Denise, you fall and run into stuff more than anyone I know!” What is interesting to note, is that I didn’t have a significant hearing loss in college. I only had a moderate unilateral loss due to a pedestrian vs. vehicle accident at the age of six. (The car won)

I didn’t begin losing my hearing (sensorineural hearing loss) until I had a couple of babies at the age of twenty-five. The hearing loss continued in both my ears for over a decade before I did anything about it. All the while, I continued to “fall and run into stuff” a great deal. It’s never been strange for me to be sporting bruises. (The “ATTIC STORY” has become rather infamous!)

Somewhere along the way I developed a mild form of Meniere’s disease. Without my cochlear implant and/or hearing aid, I have constant tinnitus. But it is “manageable”, and I’m quite accustomed to the constant ringing when I’m not utilizing technology and bionics to hear. I sleep very soundly “in spite of”. Along with the tinnitus, however, I began to have vertigo and other balance problems. It is worse when it’s a rainy day, so I know the weather affects it. There is very little one can do for Meniere’s. I cut down on salt, take Manganese tablets, and try to get a lot of rest.

Regardless, on rainy days I have to move carefully and methodically. Chloe acts as a great counter-balance on stairs, ramps, inclines, slopes, etc. However ceiling fans, fast moving bodies (like students running), or loud noises make the dizziness worse. I face a flight of stairs “round trip, each school day. I would think the stairwell is about 8 feet wide, but it is DEEP and STEEP. Just standing at the top of the stairs and preparing to descend, the whole stairwell starts to spin, and I lose a great deal of my peripheral vision due to the vertigo. It can be terrifying, but I’m confident for the most part and Chloe certainly adds stability. On rainy days, however, you can multiply that terror times TEN.

If I happened to fall down THOSE stairs, there is no doubt I would break something. It’s not that I’ve never broken a bone before! My word, I’ve broken a femur, toes, fingers, my sternum, and cracked multiple bones as well. But I’m rather terrified of that stairwell. Perhaps it’s because I’m afraid I’ll hurt Chloe. Perhaps it’s because I know how it would completely freak out the director of my school! (grin)

To humor hubby, I’ve done a little “cane shopping” online. At least some of them are pretty.

But darn… I’m depressed! I find myself asking, “Has it come to this?”

But you know what? I can’t sit around feeling sorry for myself very long. I was taught to “belly-ache if you must”, but then recall how blessed you are! And truly… I am very blessed. With my cochlear implant I hear better than I had ever hoped to “this side of Heaven”. I have a wonderful and supportive family, and a super assistance dog who loves to work. The blessings FAR outweigh my little problems with balance.

I have learned to poke fun at myself when needed, and it has certainly made others more comfortable around my implant, assistance dog, and even dizziness. But I really hate falling…

For now I’m “in shopping mode”. At least they aren’t very expensive! At least I’d only need one when the weather is bad. At least some are pretty! I could add a whole list of “at leasts”! I suppose that’s a form of counting your blessings.

For now, I’ll just “window/monitor” shop. At least… until hubby brings it up again.

Denise Portis

Hearing the THUMP of Cantaloupe

Published on June 24, 2008July 12, 2008 by hearingelmo1 Comment

I went to the grocery store this morning. I try to go in the morning now that the heat is really intense. It’s easier on me, and easier on Chloe. It’s amazing how hot a parking lot can get by noon! Needless to say, we’ve started running most of our errands in the morning.

Today I was in the produce department awhile. Two of my favorite fruits are in “season”, and therefore VERY CHEAP. I love peaches and nectarines! I saw that cantaloupe was on sale as well, I thought I’d get one as Terry loves it. I guess he’s a “summer melon” kind of man, as he loves most melons! He was after all, raised in the South.

I started “thumping” cantaloupe to feel how “hollow sounding” they may be. You’ll notice that I said “to feel” how ripe their “thump” was. I can’t remember the last time I heard a cantaloupe THUMP. (Well actually the cantaloupe itself doesn’t thump, a person THUMPS it… but I digress as per norm). However, today I realized that I could hear that base-sounding, hollow “thump”! My CI maps tend to bring me new sounds every time I go. I know for a fact I could not near cantaloupe “thump” last year! So the maps done in May at Johns Hopkins brought me a new sound this summer. I could hear the thump of a cantaloupe!

Needless to say, I sat there “thumping” awhile… if only to hear the variations. Chloe sat and waited patiently, although she was looking at me rather quizzically!

I suppose we all take things we hear for granted. “Thumping” away, I couldn’t help but stop and think about all those late-deafened who could not hear the thump of a cantaloupe. It wasn’t long ago that I could not.

I hope the next time you are in grocery store… thumping cantaloupe, you might stop a moment and think about those who no longer can. We all hear differently. Some, (like my daughter) have an acute sense of hearing. Small noises are almost bothersome. Others were perhaps born Deaf. Many others (and the vast majority of those who have hearing loss) are adventitiously deaf. That’s basically a fancy of way saying that something known or unknown happened and they no longer hear normally. They no longer hear the thump of cantaloupe.

I hope many will consider being involved in our nation’s Walk4Hearing. There are many walks all over the U.S. this year. If you click here, you may be able to find one to be involved in near you! You don’t have to have a hearing loss to care about hearing. Many who walk have perfectly normal hearing, but know someone or love someone who does have a hearing loss. If you cannot walk yourself, perhaps you would consider giving towards the goal of a Walk near you?

My family and I plan to have a team for the Capital area Walk this fall. We walk because we care about hearing loss. We walk because many do not hear the thump of cantaloupe. The money raised goes to help support local chapters of HLAA and the national organization as well!

Happy hearing,