Category: dog related

30 Things

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment

From Invisible Illness Week

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know:

1. The illness I live with is:

Invisible if I want it to be, but I wear bling and use a service dog so that it is not.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:

1993
3. But I had symptoms since:
I was 6 years old after a car accident.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:
Learning to hear with a cochlear implant and learning how to adjust on days my Meniere’s disease symptoms have me wobbling around with poor balance.

5. Most people assume:
My cochlear implant has “fixed me”.

6. The hardest part about mornings are:
Not being able to hit “snooze” on my alarm clock since that happens to be my service dog, Chloe. When the alarm goes off, she kisses me awake and there is no going back to sleep. The dog is definitely a “morning dog”.

7. My favorite medical TV show is:
Not really a medical show but I do like Dr. Phil. He’s a “reality therapist” and I think everyone who has an invisible illness needs to have a healthy dose of reality!

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
FM Clipboard for classes.

9. The hardest part about nights are:
Trying to ignore the tinnitus that comes roaring into play after removing my cochlear implant.

10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
1 prescription (blood pressure) and 9 different vitamins – one of which is Manganese. Studies have shown that people with Meniere’s disease may have a Manganese deficiency.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
Have tried numerous ones including acupuncture, chiropractor, and vitamins.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
Visible – no question. This is why I try to make my invisible illness – VISIBLE.

13. Regarding working and career:
I am proud that I am able to work having made a number of adjustments and having chosen to be partnered with an assistance dog.

14. People would be surprised to know:
That I dread group activities because I don’t hear as well as they think I do.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
That I must sometimes choose not to do things I once enjoyed because of my symptoms. For example: If there is a movie I wanted to see that is coming out, but the weather is bad and my Meniere’s disease has flared up, I cannot go and have to put it off.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Go back to school and finish my MS.

17. The commercials about my illness:
There are none. I’ve never seen a late-deafened/cochlear implant commercial, nor a commercial about Meniere’s disease.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
Listening to music.

19. It was really hard to have to give up:
Friends who couldn’t cope with the new me accompanied by a service dog.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
Blogging/writing

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
Go to an amusement park and ride every roller coaster there!

22. My illness has taught me:
That the disability community is live and well and fully utilize the Internet to connect, support, share information and to be proactive.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
“Nevermind”. If you aren’t willing to repeat it for someone who hears differently are you not behaving as if it doesn’t matter to THEM?

24. But I love it when people:
Include me.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
Helen Keller:  “Blindness separates us from things but deafness separates us from people. “

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
Email me. Ask questions. I want to help!

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
How family members who once knew you “when” are not willing to learn about the new you.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
Email me and ask how I was doing.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
Many illnesses and disabilities are invisible. I want to raise awareness.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:

Appreciative that you care enough to learn more!

Denise Portis

© 2011 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

“Tag” You’re IT

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment

Chloe and I were recently in a Wal-mart shopping. In the household cleaning section, one doesn’t expect to run into a child. Among the 4 or 5 other shoppers and carts stood a 5 or 6-year-old little girl. I don’t know how she ditched mom, but she was obviously unsupervised. She was about 20 feet away when she first caught sight of us and slowly made her way down the isle towards us. Inwardly I cringed… for I didn’t really feel like asking her not to pet Chloe. Instead she got close enough and looked at Chloe’s vest (although I’m not sure she could even read), and then at the side of my head where my cochlear implant and BLING sparkle for all the world to see!

She smiled at me and said, “This is a WORKING DOG”.

I replied (with some surprise), “You are EXACTLY right! Chloe is a working dog”.

Unsure of what communication might follow that exchange, she smiled impishly up at me… reached over with her index finger an POKED me while exclaiming, “TAG! You’re IT”. With a squeal she was gone and around the corner with pony-tails flying behind her.

Service Dogs and Play

Chloe’s tail started wagging and she looked up at me with an expectant, “Yeah! Let’s go!”

I just grinned at her and caught sight of a lady about 3 yards from us just grinning from ear-to-ear, having seen the whole thing. I smiled back, calmly walked by her and just as I was passing her – reached out and poked her while saying, “Now YOU’RE it…”  She burst out laughing and we went on our way.

I am asked occasionally if Chloe is ever allowed to play. Most recently this came up at a DEMO we did for the Department of Disabilities for the state of Maryland. I think people love the idea of working dogs, but often wonder if the dog is ever allowed to be “just a dog”. We always assure people that our dogs have plenty of opportunities to rest, play, and just be a dog. They are frequently rewarded throughout the day with treats, praise, and physical touch. Walmart is not the BEST place to induce Chloe to play, so I opted out of the game of “tag”… but I can assure you that Chloe is allowed to play with our family dog, and with family members very often.

All Work and No Play

Just like people, dogs need down time. Especially working dogs IMHO. But we could learn a few things from our furry partners. Chloe often naps when waiting in line at a busy cash register, or if we are traveling by Metro, airplane, or even the family car. She knows when to rest and get some shut eye. She also knows when to play and enjoy a major tail-wagging romp! I try to remember to take “5” and rest when I can. I try to get 8 solid hours of sleep each night because I actually hear better, and walk more steady if I make sure a good night’s rest is priority.

Perhaps we should all play tag from time to time. Hey! It is good exercise, and I’ve not met anyone yet who didn’t smile after being tagged!

Denise Portis

© 2011 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Idiot Lights

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments

Don’t you love “idiot lights”? And if you know me, you know that I pay attention to them. (Gulp. Does that make me an idiot?)

I’m one of those people who drives 64 MPH in a 65 MPH zone. I always stop on red even if it is 2 A.M. and no one is around.

Needless to say since one of our car’s “idiot lights” has been telling us for 3 months that the oil needed changed, I’ve been bugging my husband to take the car to get the oil changed. The fact that the “Jiffy Lube” sticker on the windshield ALSO said the oil should have been changed at the end of MARCH, only further compelled me to NAG. His insistence that the manufacturer’s guidelines and the lube center’s guidelines differ, does not instill a lot of confidence in me. After all… the car’s “idiot lights” told me the oil needed changed as much as that sticker on the windshield! You see? My husband is PURE GENIUS when it comes to computers. He can do a number of “handy man” things around the house thanks to having worked at Home Depot while in college. But cars? Nope. I’ll just reiterate that his stating “not needed” – failed to inspire confidence in me!

According to him, the sticker always indicated changing the oil much sooner than needed. Instead, follow the manufacturer’s guidelines. How about those “idiot lights” though?

“Everyone knows those things rarely work right. You have to get them reset after getting your oil changed AT the car dealership. I don’t ever go there for oil changes!” he replied.

Evidently (according to hubby) “LOW FUEL” actually means you can drive another 100 miles. “CHECK  ENGINE” may very well be an irregularity that has to be re-set occasionally and is often reported as a problem with the model. “LOW TIRE” means you are parked at an incline and the car “thinks” it has a low tire. Sigh.

If People Had Idiot Lights

Wouldn’t it be grand if PEOPLE had idiot lights? You could meet someone for the first time and know some things without any words exchanged. You’d see a flashing:

Needs Work

Snores Loudly

Back Stabber

Yup… it would make life a little easier. We would know what to expect of a person before ever expending any emotional energy to get to know them! EXCEPT… my husband insists those idiot lights aren’t accurate. So that could mean that the little warnings we get about people we meet may be false.

The reality may be:

Works WELL

SINGS loudly

And Back SCRATCHER

If Dogs Had Idiot Lights

How about if working dogs in training had idiot lights? It might help trainers determine who would be best matched with particular dogs. It might help puppy raisers find out about the personality of the puppy they are raising to be a working dog. Perhaps a dog in training would have idiot lights such as:

Stays Calm

Very Instinctive

Easily Potty-trained

And Chloe’s may have been:

Ah… but remember? The idiot lights are not accurate. After all, trainers tell me Chloe was an incorrigible “hard-to-train” pup. But she is a hard-working, completely engaged, working adult dog. Thankfully, I can manage the occasional unfeminine “toots”.

Idiot Lights and First Impressions

Just as idiot lights for vehicles seem to be more bother than help, rarely providing accurate feedback, so too may “first impressions” fail us. People who come across as prideful, pompous, and bossy may actually be insecure. Controlling people may get on your nerves, but they often are the ones who can easily make decisions and get things done. I’m not saying this can’t go wrong. We would not see abusive relationships if it never went wrong.

What I am beginning to realize in this game of “life”, is that first impressions are often wrong. A quiet, reserved individual may actually make a warm, loyal friend if you work a little harder to get to know them. A loud and obnoxious know-it-all may actually have some insecurities and may thrive in a relationship that allows them to not have to work so hard at being perfect.

I’m all for boundaries. One of my favorite books is “Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those that Aren’t” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. However, we cannot allow our first impressions to “warn us off” people permanently. I think boundaries are set up AFTER we really get to know someone and identify they are not a “safe” friend or family member. But first impressions? Leave your brick and mortar at the door when you first begin to get to know someone. Sure, you may get some vibes that have you treading carefully as you work with a person or attend small group with a person. But how many of our relationships would we NOT have if people relied solely on first impressions? I think of the first impression others may see in my own life:

“I thought you were so stuck up when I first met you but eventually learned you could not hear in crowds”.

“Because of your BLING and service dog it was obvious you had some disability of some sort. In getting to know you, I often forget you are deaf. You are as normal as anyone else!”

“When you first asked for the main points of the meeting to be emailed to you I thought that you were basically asking for special privileges. Little did I know after receiving the “recap email” sent to the entire department that I missed a lot of important notes from the meeting too. This step helps ALL of us.”

If first impressions are a type of “idiot light”, we should remember that they are often wrong. Extend the benefit of the doubt to people who rub you the wrong way when you first meet them. In time you will discover if you had good intuition and need to erect some safe boundaries to interact with someone. However, you may learn that it was really a smoke screen that hid a wonderful person who simply had trouble letting the real “soul” show.

—————

I was so thrilled when my husband brought the car back this past week and said all the fluid levels were checked, oil changed, filters changed, and tire pressure checked. However, as I Headed to work on Thursday I happened to look down at the dash and lights. I grimaced as I saw the “CHANGE OIL” scroll across the bottom of the display. I tore my gaze back up to the road and mirrors and began to chant, “Idiot lights are inaccurate. Idiot lights are inaccurate…”

Denise Portis

© 2011 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Frost Heave

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment

picture from blog post at: Herding Grasshoppers

I recently read a post from one of my favorite bloggers. I love Herding Grasshoppers and NOT just because her son is hard-of-hearing. She is witty, adventurous and “real”. I rarely walk away form reading one of her posts without a smile on my face.

She recently posted about “Needle Ice” and frost heave. I was very intrigued. I’ve seen frost heave when walking trails before, but wasn’t really aware of what it was I was looking at. After reading her post I immediately went to look for more information about this phenomena. Frost heave occurs when moisture-retaining soils freeze in cold temperatures. As moisture sinks into the ground the freezing temperatures cause the water to freeze into ice. When water freezes… it expands and creates pressure. The soil presses up and may expose the roots of plants and has been also known to bring rocks and pebbles to the surface. Take a close look at the picture. The ice crystals have actually brought small rocks and pebbles to the surface. Once this thaws, the rocks and pebbles are left on top of the ground. One would almost think someone had “planted rocks” in an area that may have once been clear of them!

What “Heaves” out of you?

I have given a lot of thought recently about what kind of thoughts and actions are seen in my own life when the going gets “rough“? When my life becomes saturated with a seemingly endless bombardment of trials, problems, set-backs, health problems, and struggles, I am often left pleading with God “PLEASE! Not ONE more thing!” But ya know something? God must know my limits better than I do. Because there have been some difficult times that I have prayed and pleaded “not one more thing – thanks so much“, only to have a blast of cold air on top of my already “saturated life”. Exhaustion, pain, fear, depression and plain ol’ “bad attitudes” may have HEAVED to the surface of my life. These things are usually hidden. Some of the heaving exposes some thoughts and actions that just aren’t pretty. Some of it is just “junk” and “rocks”. The “heave” may expose “roots” as well and leave areas of my life vulnerable.

This past summer, I was having a pretty difficult time. I was doing my best to stave off depression as it is an unwelcome visitor that worms its way into my life at inopportune times. I was to the point of pleading, “Not ONE more thing God – please! Hello? Are you listening?” The next day Chloe was hurt in the park. For whatever reason (as we often will not understand this side of  Heaven), God allowed ONE MORE THING. Chloe’s foot took a really long time to heal and I even had fears she would ever be able to work again. Yes, she is special to me because she is my hound dog and  “doggie friend”, but she really enables me to be more independent too! What would I do if her foot would not heal? During the months (yes you read that right) that followed a lot of “stuff” heaved out of that pressure and into full view – especially to my family. It wasn’t all pretty. I was cantankerous (a nice way of saying PAIN IN THE BUTT) and aloof. I knuckled down and did the things I HAD to, but did not exert myself to do anything else. I had a major pity party several months long.

But not everything that HEAVES out of our saturation point is bad. Sometimes we discover that in spite of disability – we are very ABLE. You learn pretty early on what you CAN do, and end up doing it really, REALLY well. My saturation points have received an extra dose of FREEZE and heaved up compassion for others, patience, encouragement, and determination. I may stand and look around at the defrosted ground and spy a rock here and there. But sometimes? Sometimes I see beautiful geodes or prisms. I’ve not discovered a diamond yet – but heck. I’m only 44. I’m certain I’ve a great number of frost heaves in my future. Diamonds come with maturity. (If you ask my family – I’m not exactly THERE yet).

Have you experienced difficult times? Things that have happened in a life that already seemed completely saturated with problems and struggles? Don’t fear the weather forecast of overnight “freezing temperatures”. Meteorologists are RARELY accurate! If they happen to actually nail it one time? Welcome the heaving frost crystals to the surface and determine to unearth GOOD THINGS. Prepare your heart in advance to showcase determination, patience, long-suffering, gentleness, kindness, and love.

Experience enough frost heave and you’ll find that the soil of your heart and life is well aerated and primed for Spring.

Denise Portis

© 2011 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Random Definitions – Consider the Source

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments

Aren’t definitions funny critters? Oh sure… you can use “Dictionary.com” or Merriam-Websters Collegiate “big enough to cause a hernia” dictionary to look up words. But the funny thing about the English dictionary? Words can mean different things. The words can EVEN mean different things – to different people. Some random definitions I have encountered in the last week include:

Now: To the mother who demanded the trash be emptied, it means immediately. To the 20-year-old son who will get to it eventually, it means sometime today.

D-cup: “What does ‘D-cup’ mean to you?” Response: “Male or female?” Speechless thought: “Wha’…   ?”

McDonalds: To the over-extended, ‘I forgot to thaw out the chicken’ parent, it means SUPPER. To the health-conscious, it means ‘heart attack in a bag’.

Snap: Daughter: “Oh snap, I forgot my key!” Mother: snaps fingers and looks quizzically at daughter. Daughter: (raises eyebrows and shoots an exasperated DUH look at mother…)

Normal: To a teenager, it means someone who “fits in”. To a dog, it means it can be eaten. To a person who happens to have a disability, it means “treated like everyone else”.

Yup! You often have to consider the source to understand how people choose to define common words. The word “normal” has cropped up a couple of times in the past several weeks for me.

First occurrence:

Kyersten and I were at Costco looking around and purchasing some bulk items to take back to Virginia for college. A lady did a double-take, looked at Chloe (my assistance dog), looked at my head and kept walking a few steps. However, she immediately stopped and left her cart, pocketbook and items and trotted over to where Kyersten and I stood to say, “Excuse me! Is that a cochlear implant?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Oh my husband has one of those. How long have you had yours?” she asked with curiosity.

I preceded to tell her a little bit about my own activation 5 years ago and hearing health history. I was trying to keep an eye on her cart (with pocketbook that screamed, “Steal me. Someone steal me” in it), so was a little startled when she interrupted my nervous glances toward her cart to say, “But your speech! It’s so normal!”

In talking with her, it seems her husband was deafened at a young age and was essentially without sound for 27 years before he received his own bilateral implants. He evidently has a noticeable speech impediment. But what is “normal”? I have met late-deafened and congenitally deaf people from all over the United States. “Normal speech”? Some would argue my southern accent is not “normal” for the DC-Metro area. How one person with hearing difficulties speaks, is much like an individual accent. There isn’t anything “abnormal” about it. My son has perfect (selective) hearing, and he has a speech impediment. It is “normal” for him though. How pronounced his own speech difficulties sound, depends on how hard he chooses to enunciate words and regulate his speed. Who determined what “normal speech” was and determined the “yard stick” by which to measure all speech?

At Pearle Vision Center:

A lady and her daughter stopped to admire Chloe who was in a down/stay. “Oh what a beautiful working dog! Are you training her?”

“Oh! No… Chloe graduated 3 years ago. She’s always training, but I’m not her original trainer” I replied.

“Oh! You mean she is YOUR partner?” the surprised woman asked.

“Yes. She’s a hearing/assist and balance assistance dog. I am late-deafened and have Meniere’s disease”, I cheerfully replied.

“Oh wow… you look so n-norm- normal” she stuttered out (since she realized how inappropriate that was as soon as she started saying it!)

I just smiled and she walked away embarrassed.

Normal?

Very likely, this world would be a better place if people didn’t go around labeling others as NORMAL or NOT.

To someone, somewhere… you aren’t “normal” if you choose to define the word as “not like you”!

Denise Portis

© 2011 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

I’d Never Shave My Legs

Published on by hearingelmo5 Comments

You know? If I didn’t think what others thought of me was important… I’d never shave my legs.

I would throw my toothpaste away.

I would toss all of my bras.

After all, I do not do these things because smooth legs, peppermint breath and supported body parts do anything for ME.

I’ve heard folks say, “I don’t care what others think of me”. Oh really? If that were true, you wouldn’t have showered this morning and you’d be standing there in purple sweats;

and a red-checkered flannel shirt;

with one green flip-flop;

and one hiking boot!

Instead, your “outfit” (such as it may be) is color-coordinated to a degree. Your body odor reflects you care about hygiene.

OK. Maybe you are sitting there mentally clarifying that you may care what people SEE when they look at you, but – “I don’t care what people think of me personally”. Oh really? If that were true then when your spouse, teenager, co-worker, roommate, or walking buddy asked you this morning, “How are you?”, you would have responded with something much different than “I’m just great! How are you?”

Instead you would have thrown your hands up and said, “Well this is a POOPY day. My dog got in the trash this morning, my daughter forgot to run the dishwasher, I was running behind because I got up 20 minutes late, we were out of eggs so I had to eat CEREAL (face blanches), and I’m standing here with a wedgie if you MUST KNOW!”

But we don’t respond that way, do we? There are societal “niceties” that we adhere too. We know that, “Hi! How are you?” doesn’t mean that the other person really wants a play-by-play of how your day REALLY was. I don’t think that makes us liars. We are simply individuals that are part of a society that interacts somewhat superficially in our everyday greetings.

Yes – I know! There are some people we are just “straight” with and tell it like it is. But most of the time our interactions with others are not with those specific individuals. These special, specific individuals don’t care if we shave our legs.

Stay Positive, PEOPLE!

Take for example something that happened to me this past week.

I was out shopping and maneuvering cart, assistance dog, and SELF up and down the aisles. A woman noticed Chloe, my assistance dog. She came closer with real intent in her body posture and facial expression. I wasn’t getting really “friendly vibes” from her so instead of pretending to continue to shop so that I could keep an eye on her, I boldly faced her approach and waited to see what would happen. She made her way to my side with determination and pointedly read Chloe’s vest:

She then looked at the side of my head and noted my cochlear implant. She actually took two steps to the side to check out my OTHER ear. By this point… I’ll admit that I was a little intimidated!

She looked me in the eye and said, “So you need this dog yourself?”

Now you have to understand my IRE was already “tickled” and there was a part of me that wanted to respond:

“No, stupid. I bring this well-trained dog into public places because I like the attention. This cochlear implant and hearing aid? All for show, lady. As a matter of fact… (and I’d lean close to offer a conspiratorial whisper)… I. Don’t. Shave. My. Legs.”

But you know what? I care what people think of me. I care… because I care about others who have hearing loss. I care about others who live their lives with assistance dogs and service dogs. I want this ill-informed lady to walk away with a better appreciation for what I can do “in spite of“. So I plaster a semi-genuine smile on my face and gesture towards Chloe…

“Yes, I have a hearing loss and Meniere’s disease. Chloe alerts me to sounds I cannot hear, and picks up things I drop. Because of her, I can be out shopping without anyone with me and I never have to ask for help”.

Her face gets a lightbulb moment kind of look. “Oh I see”. She looks at me. She looks at Chloe. She walks away. I could still sense the disdain coming off of her. But at that point? It simply didn’t matter. I had taken a deep breath and responded in such a way that I remained a POSITIVE advocate for both people with hearing loss and people with working dogs. As she walked away I pinched myself to keep from stopping her to ask if she shaved her legs. I do admit that I leaned down to Chloe and scratched her head to whisper:

“Imagine that Chloe. It’s not even Halloween!” The witch with hairy legs walked away with some positive information about working dog partnerships.

We Need Each Other

I’m reminded time and again how much we need each other. I know a kindred spirit and dog-trainer who drove all the way to Frederick with her roommate who has a service dog to walk around the mall after my “incident” to show solidarity. These same people were all set to travel to Virginia to attend a vigil to protest that Andrew was not going to be allowed to have his service dog in school. Thankfully, the school board reversed their decision.

I know numerous trainers at Fidos For Freedom that spend countless hours training assistance/service dogs, training and instructing people… all without pay. They take dogs into their homes to spend countless hours OF THEIR FREE TIME, honing skills and modifying behavior so that a dog eventually makes an excellent match with a person that needs them. These are NOT people who “don’t have a life” either. They have families, jobs, pets of their own, ministries, hobbies, and goals. These trainers not only do not get paid, they rarely receive any recognition. They don’t do what they do for the recognition though. They do it because they love people, love dogs, and love to be a part of the connection that takes place between these matches.

I have another friend who constantly challenges herself by going back to school in spite of working full-time. She already has multiple degrees but she is constantly looking for ways to better herself so that she can better help others. She is heavily involved in hearing loss support, traumatic brain injury, enjoys wildlife and supporting her local zoo, and is an avid photographer. She has bi-lateral cochlear implants, but you’d never know she had a disability. She doesn’t live like she has one. She, like many others I know, live life in all the ways they are ABLE and don’t focus on the disability. (I love her… can you tell?)

I know people who volunteer and give of their time, resources, and talents to numerous non-profit agencies. Their goal is to serve their fellow man. They want to make a difference. They DO make a difference.

It takes just one BAD example of a person with a disability or special needs to sort of “spoil it” for the rest of us. As for me? I don’t ever want to be that person. I certainly take the opportunity to “belly-ache” to select individuals who know I just need to “vent”. I know – that THEY know – I may belly-ache about an encounter in private, but in public I will put on a brave face. They let me vent… and then hand me a razor.

Yes… we need each other. Don’t ever think that what you do – does not in SOME way reflect on others. As a person of faith I try to be extra careful. After all, I cannot go around “claiming faith” if I live as if I don’t have any at all. If I express that faith is important to me, I need to remember that my words, actions and life reflect how others see Christ.

Denise Portis

© 2011 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Yup, I talk to My Dog. Don’t You?

Published on by hearingelmo6 Comments

I’ve embarrassed myself a couple of times in Wal-mart recently. I’ve caught the HUGE smiles of people passing by or catch the gleam in their eye as I look up and around. You see? I talk to my dog. It’s not just because she’s an assistance dog either. I talk to all of our dogs. But Chloe is the only one I talk to in the middle of Wal-mart, for obvious reasons.

People have heard me ask, “Chloe do you think the guys will want french-style green beans this week or do you think I can sneak some fresh green beans into the menu?” Chloe cocks her head and wags her tail. For some reason I’m able to make a decision. It’s not that I interpreted her body language to mean, “I’d go with the French-style, Denise”, but it helps to talk to her.

I caught an actual chuckle when I exclaimed to Chloe, “Chloe! Look! Can you believe it? It’s an Elmo Christmas SNOW GLOBE! Hope Santa knows I’ve been very good!” Chloe bumps my hand and wags her tail again. She thinks I’ve been very good.

Paying Attention

You might think I’m crazy. But actually… I’m helping Chloe keep her attention on me. If you look at a dog’s eye-level at Wal-mart, you will see things that aren’t as readily apparent to those who are taller than 3 feet. Stuffed animals, “Roll Back the Prices” price tags that Chloe thinks she really should swipe off the shelf and hand to me… all kinds of tempting things. By talking to Chloe, she pays attention to me. When I have a dizzy moment, I say, “Whoa….” and Chloe knows to take a step out of heel to make sure she can move if I actually fall. It’s important for Chloe to pay attention to me.

That’s why it is really not a great idea for people to “ooo and ahhh” over an assistance dog/service dog in public. You are getting the dog’s attention. They can’t help it. They KNOW they are beautiful/handsome and wonderful. Chloe’s vest actually has a tag on it that says, “Do not distract”. I realize people mean well, but if I’m having a bad balance day AND I don’t hear your “oh what a pretty dog” remark, I could fall just because Chloe wants to go and greet you.

What Distractions Can Do

I had this happen in Best Buy once. I was on my knee, balancing to see something lower, and someone got Chloe’s attention. She broke her heel to stand and WAG at them, and I fell right over. I laid there blinking up at the man whose eyes had widened in horror. “Gee, I’m sorry Miss. I can’t read, obviously”.

“Oh, that’s OK. I just wasn’t prepared”, I replied cheerfully from the FLOOR. I waved his hand away and said, “Actually she needs the brace practice, so no problem”. I had Chloe help me up, and the man again apologized. He even had tears in his eyes. I laid my hand on his arm and said, “Honestly, it’s no big deal. I sprawl at least once a day!” He wandered away unconvinced.

I do understand that seeing a well-behaved, dog identified as a “helper dog” can be really hard to just walk by for those of you who love dogs. I actually do not mind being stopped and asked about Chloe. However, it is really helpful if you talk to ME and not Chloe. Feel free to ask people with assistance dogs if you can pet their dog – because some people do not mind at all. I’m not those “some people” (grin). I will always (pleasantly) say, “I’m sorry she’s working and I’m trying to keep her from being distracted”. Be prepared for some people to say “no, I’m sorry”. They appreciate that you think their dog is “swell”, but it really doesn’t do the dog or the owner any good to constantly allow people to pet them in public. Many people use service dogs for disabilities that are invisible. It may not be easy to pick that up and asking to pet the dog might put the owner at risk.

If we meet someone we know real well, I actually do allow Chloe to say a quick “hello”. She is very good about giving quick kisses and then stepping back into heel. To do so is my choice though. Those who know me well, actually know not to ask on rainy days when they know my balance is going to be really bad. When Chloe sees someone she knows in public (usually folks from our small church, or close friends), she will do better to say a quick “hello”, so that she can get back to work. It is like identifying someone she knows from her “pack”.

Chloe’s Safety

By talking to Chloe in public, I let other people know she is there. Now that I’m completely independent and don’t have to worry about what I’m not hearing or dropping things I can’t pick up, I even head out on really busy shopping days. Not on purpose mind you! I’m not completely nuts! (grin) But I’ve been in a “crush” of people and talked to Chloe non-stop so that people would know she was there.

We made the mistake of going to Hershey’s Chocolate World the weekend after Thanksgiving this year. We go there a lot, but this was the first time it was literally wall-to-wall people. I couldn’t have fallen down if I had wanted too! I was completely surrounded by people! I talked to Chloe non-stop so that people would know she was down there. It’s hard to see someone 3 feet tall! I would even stick out my hand in a real “crush” and say rather loudly, “Excuse me… service dog coming through!” I was so intent on keeping Chloe safe by talking to her and watching where we were going that I mis-placed my daughter. I looked up and could see my husband in the distance, and my 6’3″ son was easy to spot… but where was Kyersten?

My heart was pounding and I held my arm out and just kind of plowed through to the nearest wall. I frantically searched for her little 5’3″ self and could not see her anywhere. I was scared spitless! I reached for my phone to see if I could send an S.O.S. text to her. Just then I felt a hand on my elbow. I whipped my head up and stared right into the smiling eyes of my daughter.

“Kyersten! I lost you!” I managed to sputter out. (It was hard, because I was spitless, remember?)

She rolled her eyes, and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Mom. I’m 20-years-old. It’s not like I’m lost. If I lose track of you guys I’ll call. You are kind of hard to lose track of” and she gestured down to the red assistance dog complete with holiday jingle bell.

Freedom

You may run into me in a store, restaurant, movie theater, post office, pharmacy or doctor’s office with Chloe. You may HEAR me before you see me. I talk to my dog. But you know something? It’s not ONLY because it helps her pay attention. For you see… Chloe is the reason I’m alone in a store, restaurant, movie theater, post office, pharmacy, or doctor’s office. Before being matched with Chloe, I rarely went out alone. Talking to Chloe is a reminder to me… I’m in public, enjoying life, and yup! I’m talking to my dog. Don’t you?

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Walking in the Autumn

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment

One thing I love about cooler temperatures, is that when “Chloe takes me for a walk” I can do so – HEARING. I’ll probably get “wrung out to dry” for this, but I do not usually exercise with my CI processor on my head. It’s not that I CANNOT, but more about a choice I made. I know people who run races with their cochlear implant! When I use to go to the gym, I would lift weights with my CI and my hearing “intact”. I don’t have a gym membership anymore, so my primary means of exercise is walking.

This summer I made the choice to walk in the cool of the evening without my cochlear implant. It is “wicked hot” here in Maryland on summer evenings, and I tend to perspire a lot. Oh gee… that’s stretching it a bit, because I honestly? I sweat! I walk “very fast”, much to the delight of my beloved assistance hound. It’s just short of a “jog” and because I move at a pretty good clip, I tend to perspire a great deal. I got tired of having to stick my CI in the “Dry ‘n Store” when I got home. After all, when I arrive back home I’m walking into a house full of people I care about. I want to hear them and interact with them. That doesn’t really happen if I have to go “deaf” upon my return from a walk!

However, it looks like cooler temperatures are here to stay for the season. (Hope I don’t jinx that!). One thing I love about the fall, winter, and early spring is being able to walk with my CI on and “working” since I do not perspire as much. It’s especially fun when walking for the first time in a long time WITH SOUND. I had forgotten that Chloe’s feet can actually be heard on the sidewalk. The sound of the breeze in the branches above the sidewalk sounds like music to these ears! Squirrels scamper about and “fuss at me” from lower branches of the trees as I pass. Those dogs we always see in fenced yards that either greet with a friendly bark and wag, or snarl/bark with a territorial warning, each have a unique sound, tone and “voice”!

I can hear the leaves skitter on the sidewalk in front of me as the breeze picks a few up and scatters them ahead. I can hear the distant traffic, occasional siren, or overhead jet… these peripheral sounds that make up the noisy world in which we live. Some of the “pressure is off” in walking with sound. I don’t have to concentrate so intently on the direction of Chloe’s attention, or worry about unheard traffic as I cross streets.

I think Chloe enjoys our walks more because I actually talk to her more. Isn’t that strange? I wonder why my voice tends to go SILENT when I cannot hear? I’m much more “chatty” as we walk along when I can hear the world around us. I realized I must talk infrequently when I took note that Chloe would turn her head to look at me. I realized she was startled to hear me talk! (I’ll have to make a better effort next summer of talking even when ‘deaf’)

In anticipation of winter, I look forward to hearing my boots on icy sidewalks and the sound of skeletal branches click-clacking in the cold wind!

Seasons of Life

Re-adjusting to hearing while walking at night brought a reminder of a parallel I’m currently experiencing. I’m at a “new place” in my life. At the age of 44, I have a child living on a college campus away from home. The “baby’ of our family is almost twenty and as a young man has really begun asserting some independence. (This is a good thing… though hard to adjust to not being needed like I was!) I’m in my last semester of school and feel the pressure of finding more part-time work come January!

It’s funny how different seasons in life we may “hear” differently. Specifically in hearing God, this often changes depending on the season of life one finds themselves living. At times, hearing Him is by choice… after all, He’s never the One who “leaves” or temporarily disconnects with us. Much like the choice to deliberately not wear my CI, I can choose to disconnect with God. It has happened in times of anger, depression, and even when everything was going “swell”.

It’s not that I’m coming back to the place of a LOUDER relationship with God. However, this season of my life I have found that I am having to lean more heavily on Him and on the power of our relationship. I guess you could say that right now, I really need God in my life… in an ever-present, constant sort of “coil connected to my head” kind of way! I have numerous little “worries” and concerns that seem to weigh heavily on my heart and mind. It’s just a season I’m going through. I’m thankful I’ve deliberately and consciously chosen to listen more carefully to God during this time.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Prepared For It?

Published on by hearingelmo5 Comments
We simply do not take ANY chances

“The dog days of summer”… whew! Has it ever been hot here in my home state! I could take a repeat of last winter’s snows, believe me! I’ve always preferred 3 feet of snow to 3 weeks of 95 + temperatures! Because of the heat, Chloe and I have been forced to walk pretty late at night. At “twilight” it is dark enough that it isn’t safe to be walking. At least not in my neighborhood where people go 40 mph in a 15 mph zone.

To placate my husband, I make sure Chloe and I are decked out in a number of things that are reflective. I wear a reflective vest, and Chloe a reflective collar. The leash I carry actually lights up near the handle end, and it also sports “lighted bling” of various kinds. I’m sure from a distance we must look like Santa and his team of reindeer! Small price to pay … this GLOW IN THE DARK preparation — for a safe walk! I didn’t anticipate having to walk so late at night, yet preparation has made all the difference.

I’m safe.

It is cooler.

We walk faster.

No… really! Not sure why that is, but the big “loop” we walk is usually 7-8 minutes faster than if we walk when there is more light. Perhaps because we aren’t having to stop to get Chloe re-collected after startling a bunny? Either the bunnies have an early bedtime, or they simply are not seen as easily.

Just Because it Wasn’t Planned, Doesn’t Mean You Don’t PREPARE

I know of very few people who planned to acquire a disability or to be diagnosed with chronic illness. I have become acquainted with people who have progressive hearing loss or are deaf, people who have lost their eyesight due to Usher’s Syndrome, people with MS, Parkinson’s, Meniere’s disease, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, people with fibromyalgia and many others who find that they are living a life they didn’t exactly “sign up for”.

So what do you do?

Give up? Try to get a refund? Sue?

Well… most of the people I know “deal with it”. They do so in their own way, and for some it may mean working through it. Working through it for some people may mean that they have a pretty long period of time either denying the problem or grieving the problem. Each of us do this, but some spend more time on these steps than others. That’s OK. I get really aggravated when I hear someone tell a person learning to live with changes that affect their life that they need to “get over it” and “get on with life”. I guess I’m aggravated because the person saying that usually does not have the same diagnosis as the person they are preaching at! However, I do sometimes see someone who DOES share the diagnosis “preach” the same. Just because YOU did not grieve your hearing loss — or whatever it may be that you are dealing with — doesn’t mean that other people deal with the loss the same way.

Once you do work through that process, however, you can start to prepare. Preparation is key. For me preparation looks like this:

1. I always have #13 hearing aid/cochlear implant batteries. I carry some in Chloe’s vest, the car, my pocket book, and Chloe’s treat bag. I have them in my bedroom and my office.

2. My cane is right by the front door. If it is rainy or if there has been a pressure system come into the area, having my cane “handy” insures I actually take it with me out the door. No one “messes” with where I put my cane. If you move it, you risk life and limb (grin).

3. I leave early to arrive early. Let’s face it. It takes me longer to get to where I’m going. For one thing I travel with an assistance dog, and I have to spend a couple of minutes allowing her to “do her thing” before going into a public place. I have to load her up safely in the car. I have poor peripheral vision on one side so I drive the speed limit in a world where no one else does. I allow extra time to get to places ON TIME. Sure! I’m early sometimes, but I am rarely late.

4. I never walk out the door without my cell phone… and I am ZEALOUS about making sure my phone has a full charge. As a matter of fact… I have my cell phone on my person almost every waking moment. (Perhaps something to do with having a kid in college in another state now?)

5. I make it a PRIORITY to get eight hours of sleep. This is so important, I schedule myself to get at least eight hours. Heck! I’ll be honest… I actually do better with nine, so if I can schedule that I do! Having a cochlear implant is terrific! I love being able to communicate without having to actually be in the same room with someone. I’m fairly certain it’s not AGE… it simply takes a LOT of brain power to communicate now! Who’d have “thunk” that communicating with a hearing loss could be so exhausting. It doesn’t seem fair that no calories are burned! It is mentally (and sometimes emotionally) exhausting to communicate with hearing loss. If I get less than eight hours of sleep, it is very noticeable that I do not communicate as well. Fatigue will do that.

6. I make sure I travel with information about service/assistance dogs. You never know when you may have access issues. As a matter of act this has been a pretty prevalent part of our lives lately. (See the links here (with a video too!), here and here).

7. I avoid sodium, limit caffeine (something I find nearly impossible), and take Manganese! These three things I have found to be very helpful in limiting the effect Meniere’s disease has on my own life. Manganese is hard to find too! (Magnesium is plentiful… Manganese not so much). Remembering to make these “BIG 3” a priority, really makes a big difference in how severe my symptoms may be when an episode hits.

8. I memorize and use lines that best describe my communication issues and how I can solicit positive responses. These include:

A. You speak wonderful English! However, I have a hearing loss so I have trouble with accents. Could you repeat that a little slower please?

B. I have trouble understanding in background noise. If you would face me when you talk, I should be able to speech read and hear with my CI (point to it) and hear you much better!

C. I missed what you said. What I heard was (and I repeat the parts I heard). Could you repeat what I missed? (This way folks aren’t having to repeat EVERYTHING).

D. It’s so noisy in here that I am having trouble pulling your voice from “all this chaos”. Can we step over there (points) to a quieter spot? I really want to hear what you are saying.

E. Do you mind if we sit down? My balance is “off” today and if we sit it will give me one less thing I have to deal with!

F. Let’s step over here to talk so that I can put Chloe in a “safe place” so she won’t get stepped on.

There are many more… but it pays to rehearse and have specific examples to communicate to others your attempt at being proactive to help yourself. I have never… not even one time… had someone respond to these types of explanations in a negative way. Preparing explanations like this keep me from slipping and offending someone by spouting off:

A. Geesh, your accent is killing me! I can’t hardly understand what you are saying!

B. Would you quit mumbling and speak slower please? Gee whilackers!

C. HUH?

D. WHAT DID YOU SAY? (In a super loud voice trying to drown out all the noise. Now ever eye is on you and the person who was trying to talk to you).

E. (Denise is bumped and falls to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs… including doggie legs).

F. STOP STEPPING ON MY DOG!

Preparation = Ownership

In preparing and planning, a person with an acquired disability or chronic illness in essence choose to take ownership of their own life. It isn’t another person’s responsibility. It is ours. What ways do you prepare and “own” your life to better live with a disability or chronic illness?

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal


Have a Great Imagination?

Published on by hearingelmo11 Comments
Chloe and Denise at an old Rock Quarry April 2010

So do you have a great imagination? Unfortunately, I did not have my camera when the incident occurred that I’m about to explain. Even had I located a camera at the time, I certainly would not have had time to “snap” pictures! (You’ll understand in a moment).

So allow me to try to explain with words what happened at work yesterday. Perhaps it is just “one of those things” that happens to people with assistance dogs. This had never happened to me, however, and so I was totally taken by surprise!

I tread carefully in the tellin’ for it took place in the bathroom of all places! Ever wonder what a person with an assistance dog does when they have to go to the bathroom? It’s not like you can hitch your dog up at the post while you go in and “do your business”. You do not want your assistance dog sitting or laying on the floor. I mean… we are in the BATHROOM, folks! A “stand” and “stay” is the perfect obedience command for this environment.

If the handicapped stall is free, I always head for that one. The extra space is nice when accompanied by a furry partner. Sometimes the handicapped stall is NOT free, so then we have to make do with the smaller area. Yesterday the handicapped stall was free, however, so Chloe and I went into that space.

I put Chloe in a “stand” and “stay” first. She rarely moves, however she will sometimes duck her head to peek into the next stall. I try to watch for this because honestly? What would you do if a furry, friendly head looked under to say “boo”? (I’ve heard screeches and even SPLASHES before… so yeah. I try to keep her from doing this!)

Now yesterday was a sunny day. For those readers who may not know me very well, for ME this means that my balance was pretty good. My Meniere’s disease is at its worst when it is rainy outside. Mine seems to be triggered by the weather. So on a sunny day, I … like most grown women… have the ability to erm… HOVER. It’s very handy. (Men just have it made in this regard, don’t they?) On rainy days I have to make sure I can locate a seat protector, or take the time to lay toilet paper down to cover the seat. On sunny days, I can get right down to business and out of there fairly quickly.

My restroom “OH MY GOSH I’LL HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS” escapade was one of the last things I accomplished at school yesterday. I already had my car packed up, and only took my keys and Chloe to the restroom. Because it was sunny, I was able to HOVER, but I needed to be able to put my keys somewhere. They have a long purple strap on them so that Chloe can pick them up easier on my “bad days” should I drop them. I put the purple strap in my TEETH, hovered … and took care of business in 10 seconds.

Without going into a lot of detail about what happens immediately following the “hover” (use your imagination), I still had my keys in my teeth. Chloe was still in a dutiful “stand” and “stay”. Remember that this was a “good balance day”? I never flush the toilet with my hands on a day I can stand on one foot and accomplish the task with my other foot. It’s the germs ya know? So I did a “karate kid” immitation, and used my left foot to flush the commode.

Chloe decided to side step out of the way. (She’s seen this WEEBLE wobble and FALL DOWN so many times, she evidently wanted to make sure she had space to move if needed). I saw her out of the corner of my eye getting ready to move, so I said, “Ach… wrong”.

Funny thing about holding something in your teeth and deciding to talk at the same time? Yeah. The natural law of gravity will never let a person down. My keys tumbled and bounced off my extended “flushing” knee and right into the toilet!

I screeched. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t quietly.

Chloe retrieves objects that I drop in what the trainers call an “automatic retrieve” for partners with hearing loss. So she scooted around me and looked down into the disappearing water in the commode at my keys in the bottom of the bowl.

I screeched. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t quietly. (This isn’t a typo… it simply happened twice).

I was scrambling… what to DO? I didn’t TRAIN FOR THIS. Chloe put her paws up on the toilet seat to better lean down into the bowl so I reached for my treat bag, and my hand connected to my clicker. Now… I was running on adrenaline at this point. When my hand came into contact with the training clicker, I did an automatic “click”. (Erin would be so proud…) So now Chloe thinks that what she is doing is what she is SUPPOSE TO BE DOING! I clicked … which indicates to HER… “YUP, you got it right”! She now has her head down in the toilet bowl and is bobbing for apples my keys.

I screeched. I’m pretty sure is wasn’t quietly. (yeah… you get the picture!)

I pushed her wagging body out of the way and quickly reached in to pluck my keys from the toilet bowl. It now had completely filled back up with water. Chloe stood there expectantly … eyes on the keys… waiting for me to drop them again. Cuz, ya know? This was a TERRIFIC GAME!

There I stood in the bathroom of Chieftain Institute on the campus of Gaithersburg Church of the Nazarene with dripping keys in one hand, while looking into the dripping face of my assistance dog. I had two choices. I could laugh – or cry. So I…

screeched… I’m pretty sure is wasn’t quietly. (There was a 3rd choice).

I exited the stall with as much grace as I could muster. I washed my hands well, and my keys. I tried to avoid getting soap and water in the electronic key to my car, but honestly? Did it matter at this point?

I walked forlornly to my car with a very happy assistance dog in heel, my head bowed in defeat. As I neared my car I tried to unlock my car with the very wet key… which of course didn’t work. I went around to the driver’s side of the car and looked for the “unlock” key hole which I had NEVER HAD TO USE BEFORE. After loading Chloe up and getting her settled, I climbed into the car and adjusted my mirrors. I caught sight of Chloe’s wet head and finally saw the funny. (You really DO have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes!)

When I pulled into my driveway about 45 minutes later, the first thing I did was use a hair dryer on my key. (Yes… no worries! Chloe got a bath too!) Would you believe the key is working this morning? It will lock and unlock my car just as if I hadn’t given it a “swirly”! I DID have to give it a new attachment though! I carefully washed my other keys and rings, and used a macrame stitch to create a new “bob” for Chloe to be able to pick up.

On the bright side of things, at least it matches Chloe’s vest now!

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal