Category: dog related

Insecure Foundation?

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Kyersten and Chloe at the "Candle Barn" in Bird-in-Hand, PA

Spring Break! My entire family was on “Spring Break” last week with the exception of ME. As this was Kyersten’s last Spring at home for awhile she was determined to do something “fun” everyday. Friday, she and her daddy had planned to go to Lancaster County. Since I DID have Friday off, I invited myself along.

Two of our favorite places to go in Lancaster County are Bird-in-Hand, PA and Intercourse, PA. (At the latter, my daughter always tries to talk me into a t-shirt that says, “I love INTERCOURSE!” Let me think for a moment. Umm. NO!!)

We enjoy walking around the shops, and my husband was thrilled because on Fridays the Farmer’s market is open as well! Next to and ABOVE the area where the main Farmer’s market is located, are some neat local shops and antiques. Chloe and I found a rickety, old staircase to the top floor and carefully made our way UP.

When we made it to the top, I noticed that Chloe was lagging (walking behind what is a proper heel) which is something she just NEVER does. Her problem is “forging ahead” on a normal day! So I looked back to remind her to heel and noticed something. Her legs were shaking so badly, I could see the hair on her legs and stomach trembling. (What in the world?) Something had her spooked, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I patted her on the head, and asked her to heel again. As soon as I took a step I knew what had her rattled. (Now that I was paying attention… that helps! GRIN) The old, creaky, wooden floors had a lot of “give” and groaned and moved under our weight. I’m sure she could hear it AND feel it! I thought for a second and then decided to stand next to her and shuffle around, tap dance and “hop” standing next to her. At first she dropped like she’d been shot and lay trembling on the ground. I kept talking to her softly and continued to erm… ACT LIKE AN IDIOT. I’m sure anyone downstairs probably thought the world was coming to an end! Five minutes and 150 calories later, Chloe sat up and watched me with a tentative tail flop. Ten minutes more, with a more normal volume and another 150 calories burned, I found her standing next to me with tail wagging like crazy – simply thrilled that  I was inviting her to dance.

Chloe was afraid. The foundation beneath her had to much “give” and groaned and complained at our movement and weight. She wanted to STAY PUT. It took a more confident friend to convince her that all was OK.

Feeling Insecure?

At some point you are going to be either the trembling pup, hugging the floor with nails dug in and eyes wide as saucers, or you will the confident friend who gently persuades you to “get on livin’ it”.

I can’t think of a time when I felt more unnerved than when I felt as if my very foundation was wobbly. You count on your foundation to “HOLD”. It is from a solid foundation that one can build and grow. What do you do when your very foundation is creaking and groaning? How do you “shore up”?

I’ve not made it a secret that I am a person of faith. I believe that God created everything and remains very “HANDS ON” with His creation. I believe that we BLEW IT. Because we are all sinners and in need of a Savior, God sent His one and only Son. Jesus died for you whether you wanted Him to or not! Salvation only comes through believing and accepting that free gift. Any other foundation is going to fail you.

People screw up. They are going to disappoint you.

Careers are temporary. Someone younger, smarter, better looking, and who will work for LESS is going to come along.

Community service is great! Volunteering and making a difference in the life of someone else proves you are someone who LIVES what they BELIEVE. But you aren’t going to be recognized each and every time. “Man” or “Woman of the Year” is only a plaque that gathers dust.

You may be healthy. Yet that can all change in a day. Disabilities, disease, and suffering are something all of us will experience is one form or another.

Life can be very hard. Life can also be very… VERY good. But what happens to YOU when life is hard? What does your foundation feel like? Will it hold?

When I am FLAT ON THE FLOOR terrified to continue, I often turn to prayer and scripture reading. Sometimes God sends along a friend who will tap dance, hop and gently persuade me that all will be OK. Perhaps they’ve lived the same thing and came out … better.

You know? Chloe left that upstairs shop a different assistance dog. She was confident about that next step we were going to take. (Denise danced and hopped and didn’t fall through the floor!) We made our way back to the Farmer’s market to find something yummy to eat. I’d burned 300 calories ya know…

Scared to go on? Perhaps you need to rest awhile. Rejuvenate. Maybe you need to do some introspective reflection. Does your foundation need some repair?

Found someone hugging the floor? Don’t preach at them. Don’t ignore them either. Pray for them. Let them know you are there. Share your story. Tap dance.

After all, the Amish are outstanding carpenters. That floor is going to hold.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

A Little TOO Helpful!

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments

Chloe and I can be found in Wal-mart on most Tuesday mornings. A friend from my home church in North Carolina (thanks Kim!) told me that the best time to go to Wal-mart was on Tuesday mornings. As I rarely stand in line to wait AT ALL, and as the aisles are usually clear of shoppers, she was exactly right. I save a lot of money at Wal-mart, so it is worth my while to even get my groceries there as one of the two Wal-marts in Frederick is a “super” Wal-mart.

This morning the weather was gorgeous! Not a cloud in sight, so I didn’t even bother bringing my cane. Not only was I not wobbly today, but I had a spring in my step! (Well… a spring for ME!) We hadn’t been shopping very long when we approached an elderly lady pushing her cart and shopping. She asked me if she could help me find something.

I took a good look at her and noted that she wasn’t a Wal-mart employee.

“Erm… No thank you!” I replied. “I’m finding everything I need”.

“What do you need dear, let me help you!” she insisted.

She even turned her cart around so that she was now headed in the SAME direction as I was. I stammered, “Well … umm… I’m looking for golden raisens. They come in a big yellow box”. She spotted them for me and placed them in my cart.

“What else do you need, dear?” she asked nicely but firmly.

“Really, I’m fine. I appreciate your help,” I said a little nervous now. I moved on down the aisle and the little lady stayed right beside me with her own cart.

I’m really not a DUMB person, but it took me until the third aisle of us shopping side-by-side that I finally realized something. She had just handed my list back to me after noting something I needed and bringing it to where I was. She thought I had vision difficulties! I quickly put together that having Chloe by my side meant she thought that Chloe was my seeing eye dog!

Now hiding a big smile, I finally tapped her and said, “Ma’am? I’m not blind. I have a hearing loss! I’m a late-deafened adult and this is my hearing assistance/balance assist dog”, I said as I pointed to Chloe’s vest.

She paused a moment, read the vest more carefully, and then looked at me with a big beaming smile and said, “Oh! I can’t hear either!”

Too helpful?

This little lady certainly didn’t mean to be a “pain”, but I had tried to explain that I didn’t need her help a couple of times. Without being almost rude… I didn’t know how to get rid of her!

She really DID mean well. She was trying to help. She thought I was a young woman (compared to HER) who couldn’t see well and was trying to shop on my own. She was being helpful. It wasn’t until I realized what she thought my limitations were, that I was able to explain exactly what I could and could NOT do.

Many times a person with a disability may feel frustration building up inside because of how HELPFUL everyone is! It is important to find out exactly what it is that a person with a disability may need from you – if anything. I attend Fidos For Freedom a couple of times a month with Chloe for training. I work side-by-side with people who have many different kinds of disabilities. Everyone is different. Even those of us with hearing loss vary in how our disability impacts our lives. I am more likely to need you to offer me a steady hand when getting up off the floor, than I am for you to repeat something that I missed. Our training floor is looped, and I hear really well in spite of the huge training floor. Other hard-of-hearing people or late-deafened people may not hear as well as I do, but are more steady on their feet. Chloe actually helps me with balance-related tasks almost as much as she helps me with sounds I cannot hear or “place directionally”.

Some of the clients use walkers, wheelchairs, or power scooters. Some have canes that they use all the time – not part-time like I do! Yet, each of them have varying degrees of ability. After being matched at Fidos For Freedom, the trainers work hard to have YOUR dog learn specific tasks that will help YOU. So I have learned to not “help” unless I have already established a relationship with someone and I know exactly how I might best help them.

One thing I have learned about people with disabilities… they don’t want to be treated like they are disabled. They usually try to maximize their ABILITIES so that they can live a good life in spite of a disability.

How Can I Help?

Having two young adult kids is another good reason to learn to ASK how one might help. Try not to assume what someone else needs. Simply ask. If they want or need your help, they are given the chance to take control of their own needs by requesting specific help for specific tasks. My son? Yeah, he’ll let me do his laundry until he leaves home. Because I LOVE doing laundry (I realize I’m strange), I don’t mind doing this. However, I have learned to ASK if one of my kids needs my assistance. Because I respect them and have shown them that I trust them to let me know if they need something, they have learned to ask for help when they need it.

We should take care about not being to prideful to ask for assistance when needed too. That can be harder for some than others!

What type of things do people try to help you with even though you may not need it?

What types of things do you have trouble ASKING for help with doing?

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Little Bit of Heaven

Published on by hearingelmo4 Comments

Chloe and I were at Wal-mart this morning. Actually we are at Wal-mart every Tuesday morning. We are as predictable as a sunrise. About a year ago someone told me that Tuesday morning was the time to go to Wal-mart because you never had to wait in line. Since I found out that person knew what they were talking about, that is when I go each week. I had stopped going actually, because the lines, crowd and NOISE were just unbearable no matter how much money I saved. As it turns out, Tuesday morning is the time to go to Wally World! Now I save the family money in our grocery/necessities each week by going again.

Chloe does not mind going because there is stuff to pick up all over the place! She loves helping. Her tail wags the entire time we are there. As I parked, I noticed out front one of those small buses that many retirement centers use. I took note of the large crowd of seniors throughout Wal-mart. In the laundry section, I came upon a couple who looked to be about 70 or so. The lady was in a wheelchair. She made “kissy noises” towards Chloe. Well to a dog, that “kissy noise” means come over here… in any language evidently. Chloe couldn’t resist and I didn’t correct her.

I was a little nervous because the lady was very frail, and Chloe moved in closer to rest her front paws on the side of the chair. The lady put her arms around her and talked to her. Her hands were bent with arthritis, yet she stroked Chloe so softly. She started crying, which made Chloe clean her face of course. I apologized and asked her if she wanted me to move Chloe.

She said, “Ah no! This is my little bit of Heaven today!” So Chloe gave her kisses and the lady just cried and talked to her for about 5 minutes. I looked up to see what the reaction of doting hubby was, and he had big tears in his eyes too. He said, “We had an Irish setter for years. Your dog’s color is very similar.” Chloe went over to let him get in on the lovin’, and that is when he noticed what her vest said.

“Oh my! Honey? Look, we aren’t suppose to be petting her!”

I replied, “Hey! You absolutely made her day. I don’t care if you pet her”. How could I deny a little bit of heaven after all?

Little Effort – Big Gain… for Someone

You know something that took maybe ten minutes of my time, really ended up making someone’s day. Sometimes I hear about a need through my church, or the “grapevine” via Facebook, email, or my blog. I may not be able to meet that need specifically, but usually I can always do something!

Yesterday a gal who use to go to my church posted something on her Facebook. She lives in South Carolina now with her husband, but she is pretty active on her Facebook so we can all keep in touch. She was telling us how she and her husband saw a homeless man and were prompted to help him. They went to a Sam’s and bought some food and bottled water and brought it back for him. She said, “I wish we could have done more!”

Yet we have no idea what “little bit” may mean in the life of someone. In that moment in time, that “little bit” may have been “a bit of Heaven”. Who knows what seeds of kindness planted in the life of a homeless man may mean in the days and weeks to come? Some people are pretty cynical about the homeless. I have been myself on occasion. Sometimes you may not be ABLE to help. But isn’t it funny how when we are prompted to “do something”, it is usually when we are able to do something to help?

My daughter was telling me over Google Talk today about a friend she took to Taco Bell. Her friend needed some “Kyersten time” and Taco Bell is cheap so works out well for college students trying to do “a little bit”. It was a small thing… didn’t take long… yet friendships can blossom and grow even from the dubious amount of nutrition in a bean burrito with extra sauce.

Even YOU can…

Sometimes people with disabilities get it into their heads that they aren’t “able” at all. That’s a load of hogwash actually. I’ve never seen a load of hogwash, but I’m reasonably certain it looks just like that excuse that people with disabilities aren’t “able”! I know so many people with disabilities who happen to be VERY able. They volunteer in their communities, they reach out to others, they make a difference!

Sometimes people use the excuse that they are financially strapped so can’t “make that difference”. You do not have to have a lot of money to be that “little bit” for someone else. It could be an email, card, letter or phone call to just let someone know you care! During our big snow storms these past two weeks, it has been very heart warming to see neighbors who rarely talk out helping each other clear driveways and sidewalks. I like to think it had very little to do with a huge underground effort to get the kids back in school. People were TALKING. Smiling! BONDING… over huge piles of snow!

Wouldn’t the world be a nicer place if all of us tried to be that “little bit” to someone at least once a day? Don’t neglect being that “little bit” for those closest to you as well! Why leave them out? I’d rather be used as a “little bit of heaven” in someone’s life than to be the alternative. Wouldn’t you?

Matthew 25: 35-40

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me,I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Denise Portis

©2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Found a picture of hogwash! So now…

Now we ALL know!

Point of View

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Black squirrel 2/1/2010

I snapped this picture of one of our black squirrels in between snow storms. Squirrels can be funny sometimes. This pregnant female was eating old bread that I had put out for them, when she paused to look at me as I appeared with the camera. It sometimes makes me wonder who is watching who? For whatever reason, she certainly thought I was interesting!

“Look at that animal on the other side of that glass. They live in such a strange cage! What is that thing in its hand that keeps making flashes of light?” Yeah, the squirrel’s point of view would be interesting to know. Unfortunately, I’ve not successfully interviewed any squirrels lately.

Change in Point of View

I had a dog’s eye view of the world this morning. My Meniere’s kicked in with a vicious reminder that I have a balance disorder. I was extremely wobbly and had a couple of tumbles. I ended up sitting on the floor with the dogs for awhile. (Not as far to fall, ya know?) Seeing things from a “dog’s eye view” was something I do not always experience. I sat on the floor enjoying my green tea with Chloe snuggled close. (For ya know? There is only ONE reason I would be on the floor… and that would be to spend one-on-one time with her!). My goofy Norwegian Elkhound was so excited to have me down on his level. He kept running to the family room to grab a dog toy to bring it back to me. He would detour underneath the heavy dining room table to better navigate the chairs that are rarely pushed in as they should be. Since I was sitting there on the floor, I could see up under the table. One long strand of my daughter’s hair hung from one of the bolts. I could see two large oval places in the carpet where the dogs park themselves under the table during meals. (This lent clear evidence to the fact that when my son vacuums on Wednesdays, he does not do underneath the table! GOTCHA!). Everything looks different from about three feet from the floor. My husband came through the room and I had to look up at him to talk. Dogs always have to look up, don’t they?

Of course “point of view” does not literally mean sharing the same VIEW as another physically. The phrase itself means the mental position of considering something such as an opinion, a story, theory, or suggestion of another.

What Shapes Your Point of View?

Rarely will two people have the same point of view on every topic. Your point of view is often shaped by your life experiences. I’m taking Multicultural Psychology right now, and it took my class nearly a week to agree on a definition for culture. It use to be that a person’s culture had to do with your genetics, race and ethnicity. The field of psychology has been forced to re-define what a culture group is as obviously far more influences the development of an individual than their genes, race and ethnic background. Religiosity, gender, socioeconomic status, disability, sexual orientation, politics, victimization, education, war, natural disaster and much more will affect a person’s development and evolving point of view.

I think it is important to understand what has shaped your own point of view. For one thing, this introspective activity is bound to make you more aware of how the people in your life have a different point of view because of their culture groups. Some psychologists call this broadened definition of culture a new word… sub-cultures. A family can have a number of sub-cultures even within the same house. My husband and I still have both children living at home right now. Believe me… a 19-year-old boy and a 20-year-old girl have different culture groups than my husband and I do. Their very AGE sets them apart from us and provides unique challenges as we navigate living together peacefully in spite of our differences.

At work, I am the only person who has a disability. Thankfully, after working there for seven years now, no one actually treats me like I have a disability. Because I have Chloe now too, they know that she is helping me. As we maneuver up and down the dangerous staircase each school day, they don’t stand and watch with a catch in their breath waiting to jump in and help. They know Chloe can get me up and down the stairs safely. My students no longer crash into each other trying to reach a paper, pen, eraser, or book that I drop in the classroom. Instead they smile and watch Chloe hop up to go retrieve the item for me. (Although many times they are smiling because Chloe has to stretch/yawn first before jogging over to assist).

I absolutely believe that people with disabilities are their own culture group. You may not even have the same disability as another person, but there is something unique about living a life WORTH LIVING in spite of a disability. People with disabilities have unique ABILITIES. It changes your point of view.

What is unique about YOU? What has helped to shape your point of view? Have you ever identified your culture groups? I think that by fully realizing all your OWN puzzle pieces, it makes it much easier to see the completed picture puzzle of others. It helps to keep us from focusing on one confusing, annoying puzzle piece. All the unique puzzle pieces combined make one beautiful person.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Ingrained Habits

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Chloe and Denise at Fidos For Freedom on the training floor…

Being a hearing assistance dog, Chloe has been taught to do automatic retrieves in case I drop something I do not hear. She loves to do directed retrieves as well, but the automatic retrieve is something that is more ingrained for her. It is literally automatic… like 2nd nature, and most definitely an ingrained habit.

This week Chloe and I are testing 3rd graders for CCA with a national standardized test. Want to know something I discovered? Third grade students drop a lot of stuff.

Frequently.

Randomly.

And never notice.

Chloe DOES notice. Even though I am not the one who dropped it, her first impulse is to even break a command like a down/stay and go and get it for me. During the first test, I had to remind her a couple of times to stay put out of harm’s way and let the child get the pencil, paper, or water bottle lid that fell to the floor under the desk.

It was really tough for her. Automatic retrieves are a default setting for her. On the trip home, I thought about my morning and Chloe’s responses. What is MY default setting? What ingrained habits do I have?

Self-evaluation

Geesh. Don’t you hate reflective moods? (GRIN) It was a 45 minute trip home, so I had nothing better to do. Stuck in traffic on the way into town this morning meant I had already listened to two full hours of Christmas music. I couldn’t take anymore of that! So I decided to reflect!

Ya know? I’m not proud of all of my default settings. Some of them are rather negative.

1. As long as I’ve been a “late-deafened” adult, or hard-of-hearing for those of you who prefer that, you’d think I’d be use to people getting frustrated at having to repeat things for me from time to time. If I get a long-suffering sigh, I’m usually ok. No reaction and I realize it really CAN be tough to have to repeat something so often… especially if we are in a noisy environment. If I get an eye-roll or condescending attitude, however, I want to strangle the life out of someone! And well? Murder is still a crime in the U.S. (sigh). So, yeah! I’ve got to work on that default setting. There is an operational procedure that is much more beneficial to me. Patience, understanding, empathy, and even forgiveness may be some things I need to make sure are activated when someone’s response to repeating themselves is not what I’d hope.

2. When I’m tired, I’m a monster and don’t care. Ask my family. A cranky Denise is a mean, critical and onery Denise. I try so hard not to be, and now that I’m in my 40’s I certainly succeed some. But… ideally? I need to make sure I get enough rest. I plan my sleep schedule like it’s something important. Now… I don’t exactly have it entered on my Google calendar, but folks? I make sure I get plenty of rest. I try to make sure I always get at least eight hours of sleep a night. And you know what? As a person with a hearing loss, I have learned that if I can get nine hours of sleep I am really at my best. Hearing takes work. At the end of a really long day of conversations, meetings, and communication… my brain feels like mush. If I’m not getting enough rest, I get to that “mush” place much earlier in the evening.

3. The sky is NOT falling. I’m a bit of a pessimist. Some who know me well might argue that I’m a wee bit more than a “bit” of a pessimist. I work on that a great deal. I consider it a very poor default setting. When something bad happens, I tend to believe that something else bad is going to happen in addition to that first “chunk of sky that clunked me on the head”. I will likely have to work on changing this default setting the rest of my life. It is THAT ingrained. I have to work on being more optimistic.

4. Agree to disagree. I’ve actually changed in this regard to some degree. In the past, I use to think that two people could agree to disagree, but then I’d have to STOP LIKING THEM! (When this is your spouse… that is not altogether a good thing!)  Sure! I’d think, “Ok… we can’t agree here, so we will just agree to disagree!” But then in my mixed up thinking, because they were WRONG (grin), we weren’t “ok” until they came around to my way of thinking! Whew! At least there has been some major growth in this area. I am actually good friends with numerous people whom I do not see “eye to eye” with on every little thing.

What are your ingrained habits? Especially those that may pertain to an acquired disability? Are they positive or negative? More important, are they things that you can change?

Something else I discovered today: Chloe thinks 3rd grade boys have an amazing speech pattern. After all, they don’t actually use WORDS. They use sounds! For example:

“So… I threw the ball and it went WOOOOOSH, right by my head! It clocked me right in the head, BONK! So I started yelling for mom… “AAAARGH” I could hear her coming down the stairs, CLUMP, CLUMP, CLUMP. I could tell she was mad!”  I think Chloe would like it if I talked a little bit more like a 3rd grade boy!

Denise Portis

© 2009 Hearing Loss Journal

Something’s Missing…

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My daughter was about 75% finished with this Thomas Kinkade puzzle when she realized she was missing a piece!

This past week, my daughter realized she was missing a piece of a puzzle. In spite of this, she stubbornly completed it. Her original intent was to frame the completed project, but after the missing piece was discovered she dejectedly took it apart and put it up. At least she didn’t let it get her too down… she went out and purchased a bigger, more colorful puzzle the next day!

Ever Feel Like Something is Missing?

We’ve had a tough month here in the Portis household. There have been some pretty major events that have taken its toll on us emotionally and physically. Terry has finally stopped having bad dreams at night, and my doctor is now  “on my case” as it ultimately disrupted my once regulated blood pressure. I was forced to make a medication change, and I see her again in two weeks. Basically this has NOT BEEN FUN.

When our children are little and something hurts them… chances are a “barbie doll band aid” or “spider man patch” was enough to make the “owwie” feel better. If their feelings were hurt, a simple pep talk and instructions to “shake hands and say you are sorry” sufficed. Having young adult children is no easy task. They are independent thinkers and for the most part make daily decisions with only occasional requests for advice from mom and dad. Kyersten will only be living at home full-time for another 8 months as she transfers to a 4-year college next August. Needless to say, I am “treasuring up” these days. Both of our kids work part-time and go to school full-time. They serve in our church and are busy. They are also old enough for life to hit them hard with tragedy and heart ache. As young adults, their “boo-boos” are more serious. It’s very difficult as parents seeing your child face their first “life changing challenge”. It won’t be their last, but it isn’t fun to witness the first and be helpless to intervene.

Perhaps because we’ve been experiencing some very real emotional duress, I have been “waiting for the other shoe to drop“. Have you ever felt that way? It may be that you’ve been through something difficult and even though things are looking up, you sense something bad is still going to happen. Perhaps it’s the result of living for a prolonged period of time under stress. I think we can get in the habit of feeling stress and pressure. Even when life begins to smooth out, we are in the habit of waking up tense. I can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen again.

I wake up that way, and go to bed the same. This has affected even my tinnitus, balance and hearing! Stress and pressure only make acquired disabilities seem worse. Oh sure! This trial has brought me to my knees in a hurry. I believe in prayer and do not have to be coached to go to God when I need advice, comfort, healing, forgiveness or thankfulness. When tragedy strikes, I do have to remind myself… “GO PRAY”, because I’m often just trying to stay in one piece. S.O.S. prayers are harder for me… I guess because I’m already under stress and have little emotion or brain cells for doing something different.

Face toward Heaven... Chloe can set a good example

We just had a beautiful snow here in Maryland. We received 3-4 inches and it was the lovely, huge, fluffy flakes. Chloe and our family dog, Tyco, love the snow. Tyco loves it because he’s an Elkhound… a winter breed. Chloe loves it because it makes everything smell better. Being a hound-mix, she has a better sniffer… than even Tyco. Her muzzle, nose and floppy jowls were all made to collect and intensify scent. She can even smell a scent on the air and may taste and savor it by licking at the air with deep breaths and puffs! When snow is on the ground, smells are intensified, and she LOVES IT. She would spend hours in the yard if I could endure the cold that long.

Today in the yard, the dogs raced around the yard to play. While Tyco went to make his rounds along the perimeter of our fence, Chloe trotted around the yard, nose to the ground, sniffing and tracking all the wildlife scents left from critters in our yard from the early morning hours. She would trace many all the way to the fence and stop when she realized “it had gone over”. She would quickly pick up another scent, and race after it even if it sent her in circles, up and over tree stumps, or scrambling through the wintry bushes. Chloe was getting herself worked up over one scent trail, and I suspect it may have been something “bigger than normal” by the way she was snuffling, whining, and tracking. Eventually, she stopped her frenzied tracking and stopped short with limbs trembling and deep sighs. With the last bit of snow melting away between her footpads, Chloe turned her nose towards Heaven and stood in perfect stillness for almost 5 minutes. The only thing I could see moving was her nostrils and her ribcage. She even closed her eyes and enjoyed the scent of the air… of winter…

It struck me how poignantly clear her example was to me as her human partner. After a disappointing “hunt”, she was still able to enjoy what she was good at… smelling the scents of the winter bouquet caught up in the chilly breeze around us. I realized that although our family has experienced something that will always “show” as a heart scar in our lives, I cannot forget that life is usually VERY GOOD. I had to take a minute and point my own nose towards Heaven to express “thanks” for life and the blessings I have.

Get on Livin’ it!

Don’t allow yourself to look at life’s stresses and tragedy as the “norm”. To easily we embrace what we feel is our “lot” or what we deserve. Bad things happen… and they happen to every person. Matthew 5:45: “For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Bad things happen to good people. (Bad things happen to bad people too, but they are usually more of a life consequence than a random occurrence!) Don’t anticipate that bad things are going to happen. Life is good.

ready to come in?

Denise Portis

© 2009 Hearing Loss Journal

On the Road Again…

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Denise and Chloe at Covenant College
Chloe enjoyed visiting these colleges, and "tolerated" the long drive.

This past Thursday, my daughter and I headed out on a road trip to visit two colleges on her “short” list. Bryan College is in Dayton, TN, and Covenant College is on Lookout Mtn, just over the TN border in Georgia.

Traveling with a hearing loss can be intimidating, but honestly I’m not new to this! Not to hearing loss, and not to traveling with one. In the past, knowing I had to travel would keep me up nights and worrying about the details weeks in advance. Hearing loss is such a part of my life, I do not really remember life with normal hearing.

Things that Help

I think one of the more obvious things that help me when traveling with a hearing loss is that I make my invisible disability – visible. From wearing bright “bling” on my cochlear implant (currently sporting Christmas “bling”), to wearing a bright red ear mold on the hearing aid in my other ear, I really try to make my hearing loss noticeable. I wear my hair up, and I pay attention. I hear really well with my CI, but I’m also wise enough to understand that late at night after I’ve become fatigued and am standing in a large cavernous, echo-producing foyer of a motel, I may have difficulty hearing! So the reliable, noticeable reminder of my disability only comes to my aid when checking in and reserving a room. Almost instantly, front desk employees “change tactics” and are careful to point out where to sign, wait for me to look up to continue speaking (although I actually hear well when not looking now), and are careful to point for directions instead of simply telling me where to go next.

People must travel with assistance dogs regularly enough now that I never am asked what Chloe does or why she is with me. She is less trouble than “some people’s” kids, so she is only help to me when traveling! Thankfully, at Fidos For Freedom, puppies travel with their trainers quite a bit to expose the dogs to motels, airplanes, etc.

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Kyersten and Chloe at Rock City for a short "break" to visit a tourist attraction

When stopping for gas, thankfully one can easily pay at the pump. The few times I had to go inside to grab a bottle of water for Kyersten or Chloe, the “visible reminders” served the same purpose at these places as well.

Why do I Believe Visible is Better?

I know plenty of people who choose to keep their invisible disability hidden. That is certainly their choice, and I am very supportive of “whatever works” for each individual. It is my personal opinion, however, that being up front about your hearing loss is only in your best interests. I have heard some folks say that they keep their cochlear implant or hearing aid hidden because they do not want to be treated differently. However, it seems these same individuals are very vocal in their criticism of people who continue to forget to get their attention before speaking, failures to set up assistive listening devices in conferences or meetings, or in disdain rebuke those who have accents, are gum chewers, mumble, or are soft spoken. I believe that in keeping a visible reminder that you do not hear the same way others do (with amplification, speech reading, or cochlear implant technology), others are reminded to communicate more clearly and with better speaking skills than they might otherwise employ.

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Chloe at Covenant College waiting for the Admissions Office to open.

I believe that by being visible, I have in many ways become more approachable to others and are more accepting of who I now personally. The moment I decided to become transparent about my hearing loss, my blood pressure numbers began to come down and I became more relaxed and at peace with who I am. Think about it this way… what is your demeanor, attitude, and feelings when in the process of trying to hide something?

loved the wildlife
Lots of critters in the mountains of Tennessee! I had to keep Chloe "tight leashed" to keep her from forgetting her job when on a trail!

Hoping mom doesn’t notice a missing cookie from the cookie sheet that just came out of the oven and are desperately trying to lick the last bit of chocolate chip from your fingers?

Have you ever lied and hoped no one would ever discover the truth? One often has to cover one lie with another… and then another.

Have you ever played hide-and-seek? Your heart accelerates as the person who is “it” draws closer to your place of hiding. You may even hold your breath in an attempt at keeping your hiding place from being discovered!

I believe that deliberately trying to hide something like an invisible disability eventually produces anxiety, unease, and produces a fear of discovery. These are all negative feelings! They do not provoke positive change and influence.

In spite of my bling and wearing my hair up, I still take some folks by surprise. Let’s face it… not everyone pays attention to detail. My husband is one of those people who I can greet at the door when he gets home from work and he will never notice I cut my hair 5 inches or am wearing a new outfit. (I don’t buy new clothes very often either!). Terry just doesn’t pay attention to visual detail. It always gives me a bit of a thrill to see the look on someone’s face who did NOT notice my visible reminders, when I’ve finally had to point to my mouth and say,

“I’m sorry. I missed the last part of what you said because of all the noise in here. I’m deaf and hear with a cochlear implant and just could not make out what you said. Could you repeat that please?”

The person’s mouth drops open and they totally FORGET what they said. Instead they exclaim, “Wow! I would have never known you were death! (Intentional mis-spell here in loving attention of all the times I’ve heard this instead of the correct identification). You are so… So… NORMAL!”

Another reason why I do not want to try to hide my invisible disability, is because I tried “the other way”. Do you know what I felt when something I tried to keep hidden became known to someone? Shame. That shame and embarrassment led to poor self-esteem and anger.

Again, I’m not “preaching” at others to adopt what I have done in order to bring awareness to their hearing loss. I really do believe that each individual must do what work best for them.

This is Who I Am

I am comfortable in my own skin. I don’t believe God reached down and caused me to become deaf. I also don’t believe God is “hands off” and set the world in motion just to sit back and watch everything happen. My life is not God’s Youtube. I believe everything has a purpose. Every good thing, and every bad thing happens in order to grow me. I really believe that! I make choices every single day. Sometimes the choices are small and may only involve what kind of tea bag to grab in the morning. However, many choices involve shaping and molding our character to produce a unique individual equipped to make a difference where I happen to be planted. My choices affect my attitudes and future decisions.

Sometimes our decisions are processes. For example, I did not “wake up” a secure and confident late-deafened adult. I “messed up”, acted out, hid, grieved, griped and smacked people. This was a process God allowed me to experience. The process grew me. I don’t regret the process even though I shed a lot of tears.

I’m still a work in progress! Just because I’m 43 and have been an “adult” more years than I was not, I continue to grow, mature and evolve. I don’t care how old you are, you still have a great deal to learn! We are ALL works in progress. Heck. If I was a “finished product”, God would just take me home!

Denise Portis

© 2009 Hearing Loss Journal

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P.S. If you do NOT like attention being drawn to your disability, I do not recommend being matched with a hearing assistance dog! People notice the dog as if it were a flashing neon sign!

It Takes Just One Voice

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments

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My “morning chore” this morning included cleaning up the porch and putting patio furniture up for the season. Each Autumn I accomplish this task, I’m reminded how desperately our deck needs replaced. I haven’t been out on the deck in about a week and was startled to find more Zinnias in full bloom. Don’t they know it’s late October? Most had died and I thought part of my morning chore for this designated “deck clean-up” morning was going to be to shut the flower pots down for the year. I just couldn’t do it… not with brand new Zinnias raising their beautiful colorful heads to celebrate this Fall Fashion Show going on in mid-Maryland right now!

I explained to Chloe how surprised I was to see brand new blooms on the Zinnias. Patient dog that she is she listened attentively, but I could tell she didn’t really understand what all the excitement was about! But you see? The Zinnias were not finished…

Disabled and finished?

This week I received a tearful email from a fellow HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America) member. She was upset about the state of her local chapter. It seems they are having trouble attracting new members and the old members are rarely participating. They are SPECTATORS, but not PARTICIPATORS. A peer mentor at one of the local hospitals that performs cochlear implants for people in our area, she explained to me that she cannot even generate any interest in those relatively new to hearing loss.

“You can see that the word ‘disability’ has sunk into their very soul, impacting the way they choose to live their lives,” she explained. “I try to explain to them that hearing again through a cochlear implant is something to be celebrated! It is not normal, perfect hearing, but it is hearing and choosing to stay involved in the hearing world in which they were a part! If you talk to them you can tell they are depressed, defeated, and ACTING disabled. It’s as if all the color has gone out of their lives.”

I thought about my own support group and local chapter of HLAA. There are a handful of people who volunteer for everything, work hard at making sure the chapter is well run, make it a priority to attend each month, and reach out to other members who are on the ‘roll’.

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These folks stand out. They smile, are involved in numerous OTHER community endeavors, love people, make a difference… they are colorful. In spite of their hearing loss, deafness, communication needs and problems, they are noticeable because of their focus on ABILITY instead of DISABILITY.

dAp

Fidos For Freedom participates in dAp programs throughout Maryland. Chloe and I have been to two of these early on in our training together. The disABILITY Awareness Program was started in the late 1970’s. The intent of dAp is to educate children and their teachers about disabilities, what it’s like to be a person with a disability, and to increase acceptance of people who may be ‘different’. I’m given the opportunity to talk about what I CAN do. Fidos For Freedom has been instrumental in helping me to be independent again. I have learned so much about what it means to live “in spite of” a disability. There are so many different disabilities represented in our client family. For many, being partnered with a canine partner helps them focus on the “can do” instead of what they cannot. Many enter the training program at Fidos pretty much beaten down by the fact that their life is now completely different because of a disability. They finish their training in full bloom. They stand out and make a difference. Their independence grants them the courage to re-take their life.

One Voice

I love people with disabilities. Near and dear to my heart are populations with hearing loss, deafness, Meniere’s disease and brain injury. I belong to these populations. I wrote back to my friend this week and tried to encourage her. Many small chapters of organizations like HLAA have to make the decision to perhaps only meet quarterly instead of monthly. What you can’t do is “close shop”. If you make a difference in ONE person each year, is that not important?

Do you feel alone? Ever feel as if you are carrying the load alone and GEE HAS IT BECOME HEAVY? You may be one voice. Are you caring for an elderly parent who has Alzheimer’s? Are you a stay-at-home mom with three little ones under 5-years-old and no one at home SPEAKS ADULT? Do you work with people with addictions, and feel your heart breaking every time someone returns to their drugs or alcohol? Do you love someone with TBI who will never be the same person they were prior to their accident? Do you or a loved one live with a terminal illness?

You can remain in FULL BLOOM … in spite of it being late October. You can be ONE VOICE that makes a difference. An amazing thing can happen to ONE VOICE that remains in full bloom in spite of the season. It may take time and a lot of effort. It may not even happen in your lifetime. But one voice is usually joined by another… and then Another… and ANOTHER. You may never discover your own influence this side of Heaven. Be influential anyway. Stay in full bloom. Be one voice… one that makes a difference. If your life is all that is changed, is that a bad thing?

Some of you may cringe. I love Barry Manilow. (Sue me!) My older brother got me hooked on him in the late 70’s. This is a short song, but I ask you to listen to it and think about it from the point of view of making a difference.

Denise Portis

© 2009 Hearing Loss Journal

Sit in the Sun

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment
Even hound dogs can miss the sun after days of rain!
Even hound dogs can miss the sun after days of rain!

After FOUR DAYS of drizzle and rain, we have enjoyed SUN. I forget that not being able to go outside can affect our furry family members as well. I was very lucky to not have any errands to run during the days of rain with the exception of running my husband to the airport (whom I let out at the curb) and going to church.

Folks don’t realize how difficult it can be to go out in “inclement weather” when you have a disability that involves your balance. Luckily, I was able to put off running to the store, etc. and work from home during most of those rainy days. I did have one day I had to go in and teach, and Chloe was much more of a “balance assist” dog that day instead of a hearing assistance dog. Poor thing had to retrieve 19 dropped items (yup! I counted!) and had to help me down the very LONG staircase. I guess I shouldn’t say “poor thing”, for truthfully this dog thinks work is PLAY. Her tail is in a constant state of WAG.

Important to Rest and Re-charge

Even Pegasus loves the sun... but he IS naked! Chloe has enjoyed her naps in the sun!
Even Pegasus loves the sun... but he IS naked! Chloe has enjoyed her naps in the sun!

People ask me sometimes if Chloe ever gets to “just be a dog”. She absolutely does! At home she does not wear her vest. Having said that, however, she doesn’t stop working! She has been trained to alert me to the sounds in my home. If someone is at the door… she comes to get me. If my phone rings, she comes to get me or will bring the phone and drop it in my lap. If one of the kids or my husband call my name, she’ll come and get me and take me to them. If the kitchen timer goes off, she comes to let me know. All these things she does without her “working clothes”.

Chloe gets plenty of opportunities to rest and play, however! She barks at bunnies, chases squirrels in the backyard, and tumbles and wrestles with her Elkhound puppy, Tyco. In the evenings she parks her hound-dog self next to me while hubby and I visit and/or watch some taped shows of NCIS. She gets a loving belly-rub the entire time. So don’t feel sorry for working dogs… they are loved, well cared for, and spoiled in many ways!

When to Rest and Re-charge

People need to learn to take a break and go sit in the sun. Especially after numerous “rainy days” that pours itself out on us in the form of stress, difficulties and life problems. We all know when stress is starting to “get to us”. Perhaps you can feel your blood pressure go up, or maybe you develop tummy troubles. You might have difficulty sleeping, or go around BITING THE HEAD OFF of everyone you know.

I just love lists. If you saw my office, you’d laugh out loud! I make lists for everything! My favorite Bible verses are lists that God made for us! He may not “number them” for us, but series of phrases and words are still lists written by God. I have a couple of books my husband got me as really a joke one year. They are called, “Lists to Live By” and I love them! One list I came across this morning reminded me that when we have the opportunity to “sit in the sun”, we should make that time count. Sure… you need to learn to rest. Maybe nap! Relax and unwind! But when you “get back to work” and to facing your problems, it is great to have a plan!

Pat Williams wrote a book called, Unsinkable. Check out this list… and maybe begin brainstorming and thinking about how you can do some of these things during an opportunity you find to “sit in the sun”. In parenthesis, I’ve added my own thoughts.

1. Use what you have. (Don’t tell me you do not have any talents. Even people with disabilities have skills and talents they can use.)

2. Don’t worry about what you don’t have. (Do you have a disability that keeps you from doing something? So what! There are people without disabilities that don’t swim, bungee jump, water ski or travel all over the country! Learn to enjoy what you CAN do, and if you can… ADAPT and change the parameters of an activity so that you can participate. If it cannot be done, don’t worry about it! Find something else you CAN do!)

3. Stay cool when the heat is on. (Under pressure? Biting your nails? Are you WAY TO BUSY? Learn to take time to re-charge… go “sit in the sun”!)

4. When you fall down, get up, dust yourself off, and keep going.  (You are gonna fall. It can even hurt. Don’t just lay there… get up and keep going!)

5. Follow through on your dreams. (Don’t let a disability keep you from a dream! Find a way… talk with others and get advice… dreams aren’t only for those who are 100% healthy and problem free)

6. Discipline your thoughts. (Take time to reflect. Exercise your brain. It makes planning and working much more effective. Being organized can save you time… you may even be able to use that extra time to go “sit in the sun”!)

7. Find comfort in helping others. (No matter who you are or what your abilities… you CAN help others. It doesn’t have to be big things. Little things matter to people. Don’t believe me? Think of 5 or 6 little things that do not require money, tons of time, and incredible skill. Do those things on behalf of other people and see if they do not notice!)

8. Give God control.  (Ya know He is anyway, right? Relinquishing control allows us to trust in the One who can make these things happen for us anyway!)

Hope you find some time to “sit in the sun” at least figuratively this week!

Denise Portis

© 2009 Hearing Loss Journal

Not an Exact Science…

Published on by hearingelmo5 Comments
Just because I can zero in and concentrate, doesn't mean I'll always get it right!
Just because I can zero in and concentrate, doesn't mean I'll always get it right!

Having a hearing assistance dog has its advantages when I do not hear “surround sound”. I have trouble with directionality as I only have one cochlear implant (and due to my balance problems very likely will not ever have a second). I have learned to pay attention to where Chloe is looking in order to figure out from what direction a sound is coming. The only problem is… sometimes I don’t pay attention.

Today our sweet cat, Kiki, found herself stuck due to my inability to hear and failure to take note of WHY Chloe was parked on the stairs instead of next to me. Kiki decided to squeeze between the door and the glass storm door in order to better partake of the sunlight and “view”. I did not know she was there, and closed the door because of the draft as I walked by. Thankfully, my husband came home about 10 minutes later and saw “cat on glass” as Kiki was smushed like a sardine between the storm door and metal door. We retrieved her amongst a chorus of “poor kitty”, and “I can’t believe I did that” while Kiki just purred and basked in all the attention. yellowchairkiki Having a hearing assistance dog is not an exact science when it comes to utilizing her amazing ears if I don’t pay attention to where she is fixated! I really have to pay attention to why she is parked and pointedly looking in one direction!

Reading Lips/Speech Reading

Some people believe that everyone with hearing loss read lips well. Actually, they call it speech reading now, as really you are trying to discern what someone says solely by what you see on their mouth as they speak. Speech reading is not an exact science. As a matter of fact, mistakes are often made by even the best of speech readers. Now that I hear as well as I do with my cochlear implant, I have lost the ability to speech read to some degree as I may once again rely on what I am hearing to understand in many situations. I do still rely on speech reading in noisy environments, and I will always be a big fan of closed captions. Several friends (God bless ’em) have started posting video links in Facebook that have the lyrics attached as well. This only enables me to hear BEST, so I am always thankful for what I see in addition to what I hear.

A couple of nights ago, my daughter was talking to her boyfriend on Skype. They go to separate colleges and during the school year have a “long-distance” relationship. My husband and I graduated from different colleges as well, but our only hope of contact was through a weekly letter (through good ol’ fashioned snail mail) and the occasional phone call. I was still able to use the phone well at the time, and waited by the pay phone at the end of the hall every Friday night. Technology has changed “long distance relationships”. My daughter actually has “candlelight dinner dates” with her boyfriend via Skype. They talk almost daily either “face-to-face” with Skype and webcam, or a minimum of numerous texts sent immediately through the easy access of cell phones. I popped my head in the other night and found them “talking”. My daughter “muted” the long-distance boyfriend so that she could ask me what I wanted. (Another interpretation, “Can’t you see I’m busy? Hurry up!”) Her boyfriend was still talking, so I told her what he was saying. She quickly typed (as you can both speak and type thru Skype) and asked him if what I said he asked was what was actually said. I was right on the button! She unmuted BK (the boyfriend) and both were amazed at my ability. I immediately chalked it up to “luck” and reminded them both that it isn’t a cheap parlor trick! It takes work and concentration to really be good at speech reading. I simply got lucky!

Think About What Looks Alike

I picked up a good HoH (hard of hearing) habit from a friend in California in 2006. She coached me to learn to repeat to people what I thought I heard even if I knew it could not be right. By doing so it did several positive things:

1. It allowed the person with normal hearing to only have to repeat what I got wrong, saving them the time and possible exasperration of repeating everything verbatim.

2. It allows the person with normal hearing to begin to understand what things sound like to ME… a person who hears with a cochlear implant. They learn to be experts at rephrasing things and finding synonyms to explain the same comment.

3. It allows both parties to see the “funny” in trying to make sense of what I hear. I both SEE in speech reading and hear with a cochlear implant.

4. It allows the HoH person to learn to extend grace and to accept that mistakes are made and most people are eager to help clear up the confusion. It creates a positive communication environment.

Stop for a moment and think about what looks the same on the mouth when words are enunciated. Some mistakes I’ve made:

1. I thought someone walked towards me with an admiring glance and said… “Sweeeeet…. heart”!

Really they were looking beyond me and saw a red corvette… they were saying “Sweeeeet Car!“

2. The words six and set look the same as SEX. (yikes!)

3. Mom I’m knitting hard!

Which was really, “Mom, I need the car!”

4. Mrs. Portis, I forgot my paper. Canons get formica? (I was really scratching my head in confusion on this one)

Mrs. Portis I forgot my paper, can I run get it from my car?

Learning to speech read more accurately, can however, help a HoH person communicate better. My local chapter of HLAA has plans to do a 2 hour “speech reading tips” class in the next couple of months. Some great resources that we will be utilizing, come from CHHA (Canadian Hard of Hearing Association), and include:

“Sound Ideas: Managing your Hearing Loss” manual and video

“Lip Reading Naturally” by Frances Mezei and Shirlee Smith

Think It Looks Easy?

I have a challenge for you. Mute your television and see if you can figure out what is being said. You might be surprised at how well… or how poorly you do!

Some additional resources:

1. http://www.agbell.org/docs/speechreading.pdf

2. http://www.lipread.com.au/Products.html

3. http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Lip-Reading-Self-Instruction-Edward-Nitchie/dp/1428638008

4. http://www.lipreading.com/

Denise Portis

© 2009 Hearing Loss Journal