working dogs – Page 8

Sit in the Sun

Published on October 21, 2009October 21, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

Even hound dogs can miss the sun after days of rain!

After FOUR DAYS of drizzle and rain, we have enjoyed SUN. I forget that not being able to go outside can affect our furry family members as well. I was very lucky to not have any errands to run during the days of rain with the exception of running my husband to the airport (whom I let out at the curb) and going to church.

Folks don’t realize how difficult it can be to go out in “inclement weather” when you have a disability that involves your balance. Luckily, I was able to put off running to the store, etc. and work from home during most of those rainy days. I did have one day I had to go in and teach, and Chloe was much more of a “balance assist” dog that day instead of a hearing assistance dog. Poor thing had to retrieve 19 dropped items (yup! I counted!) and had to help me down the very LONG staircase. I guess I shouldn’t say “poor thing”, for truthfully this dog thinks work is PLAY. Her tail is in a constant state of WAG.

Important to Rest and Re-charge

Even Pegasus loves the sun... but he IS naked! Chloe has enjoyed her naps in the sun!

People ask me sometimes if Chloe ever gets to “just be a dog”. She absolutely does! At home she does not wear her vest. Having said that, however, she doesn’t stop working! She has been trained to alert me to the sounds in my home. If someone is at the door… she comes to get me. If my phone rings, she comes to get me or will bring the phone and drop it in my lap. If one of the kids or my husband call my name, she’ll come and get me and take me to them. If the kitchen timer goes off, she comes to let me know. All these things she does without her “working clothes”.

Chloe gets plenty of opportunities to rest and play, however! She barks at bunnies, chases squirrels in the backyard, and tumbles and wrestles with her Elkhound puppy, Tyco. In the evenings she parks her hound-dog self next to me while hubby and I visit and/or watch some taped shows of NCIS. She gets a loving belly-rub the entire time. So don’t feel sorry for working dogs… they are loved, well cared for, and spoiled in many ways!

When to Rest and Re-charge

People need to learn to take a break and go sit in the sun. Especially after numerous “rainy days” that pours itself out on us in the form of stress, difficulties and life problems. We all know when stress is starting to “get to us”. Perhaps you can feel your blood pressure go up, or maybe you develop tummy troubles. You might have difficulty sleeping, or go around BITING THE HEAD OFF of everyone you know.

I just love lists. If you saw my office, you’d laugh out loud! I make lists for everything! My favorite Bible verses are lists that God made for us! He may not “number them” for us, but series of phrases and words are still lists written by God. I have a couple of books my husband got me as really a joke one year. They are called, “Lists to Live By” and I love them! One list I came across this morning reminded me that when we have the opportunity to “sit in the sun”, we should make that time count. Sure… you need to learn to rest. Maybe nap! Relax and unwind! But when you “get back to work” and to facing your problems, it is great to have a plan!

Pat Williams wrote a book called, Unsinkable. Check out this list… and maybe begin brainstorming and thinking about how you can do some of these things during an opportunity you find to “sit in the sun”. In parenthesis, I’ve added my own thoughts.

1. Use what you have. (Don’t tell me you do not have any talents. Even people with disabilities have skills and talents they can use.)

2. Don’t worry about what you don’t have. (Do you have a disability that keeps you from doing something? So what! There are people without disabilities that don’t swim, bungee jump, water ski or travel all over the country! Learn to enjoy what you CAN do, and if you can… ADAPT and change the parameters of an activity so that you can participate. If it cannot be done, don’t worry about it! Find something else you CAN do!)

3. Stay cool when the heat is on. (Under pressure? Biting your nails? Are you WAY TO BUSY? Learn to take time to re-charge… go “sit in the sun”!)

4. When you fall down, get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. (You are gonna fall. It can even hurt. Don’t just lay there… get up and keep going!)

5. Follow through on your dreams. (Don’t let a disability keep you from a dream! Find a way… talk with others and get advice… dreams aren’t only for those who are 100% healthy and problem free)

6. Discipline your thoughts. (Take time to reflect. Exercise your brain. It makes planning and working much more effective. Being organized can save you time… you may even be able to use that extra time to go “sit in the sun”!)

7. Find comfort in helping others. (No matter who you are or what your abilities… you CAN help others. It doesn’t have to be big things. Little things matter to people. Don’t believe me? Think of 5 or 6 little things that do not require money, tons of time, and incredible skill. Do those things on behalf of other people and see if they do not notice!)

8. Give God control. (Ya know He is anyway, right? Relinquishing control allows us to trust in the One who can make these things happen for us anyway!)

Hope you find some time to “sit in the sun” at least figuratively this week!

Denise Portis

Not an Exact Science…

Published on October 12, 2009 by hearingelmo5 Comments

Just because I can zero in and concentrate, doesn't mean I'll always get it right!

Having a hearing assistance dog has its advantages when I do not hear “surround sound”. I have trouble with directionality as I only have one cochlear implant (and due to my balance problems very likely will not ever have a second). I have learned to pay attention to where Chloe is looking in order to figure out from what direction a sound is coming. The only problem is… sometimes I don’t pay attention.

Today our sweet cat, Kiki, found herself stuck due to my inability to hear and failure to take note of WHY Chloe was parked on the stairs instead of next to me. Kiki decided to squeeze between the door and the glass storm door in order to better partake of the sunlight and “view”. I did not know she was there, and closed the door because of the draft as I walked by. Thankfully, my husband came home about 10 minutes later and saw “cat on glass” as Kiki was smushed like a sardine between the storm door and metal door. We retrieved her amongst a chorus of “poor kitty”, and “I can’t believe I did that” while Kiki just purred and basked in all the attention. yellowchairkiki Having a hearing assistance dog is not an exact science when it comes to utilizing her amazing ears if I don’t pay attention to where she is fixated! I really have to pay attention to why she is parked and pointedly looking in one direction!

Reading Lips/Speech Reading

Some people believe that everyone with hearing loss read lips well. Actually, they call it speech reading now, as really you are trying to discern what someone says solely by what you see on their mouth as they speak. Speech reading is not an exact science. As a matter of fact, mistakes are often made by even the best of speech readers. Now that I hear as well as I do with my cochlear implant, I have lost the ability to speech read to some degree as I may once again rely on what I am hearing to understand in many situations. I do still rely on speech reading in noisy environments, and I will always be a big fan of closed captions. Several friends (God bless ’em) have started posting video links in Facebook that have the lyrics attached as well. This only enables me to hear BEST, so I am always thankful for what I see in addition to what I hear.

A couple of nights ago, my daughter was talking to her boyfriend on Skype. They go to separate colleges and during the school year have a “long-distance” relationship. My husband and I graduated from different colleges as well, but our only hope of contact was through a weekly letter (through good ol’ fashioned snail mail) and the occasional phone call. I was still able to use the phone well at the time, and waited by the pay phone at the end of the hall every Friday night. Technology has changed “long distance relationships”. My daughter actually has “candlelight dinner dates” with her boyfriend via Skype. They talk almost daily either “face-to-face” with Skype and webcam, or a minimum of numerous texts sent immediately through the easy access of cell phones. I popped my head in the other night and found them “talking”. My daughter “muted” the long-distance boyfriend so that she could ask me what I wanted. (Another interpretation, “Can’t you see I’m busy? Hurry up!”) Her boyfriend was still talking, so I told her what he was saying. She quickly typed (as you can both speak and type thru Skype) and asked him if what I said he asked was what was actually said. I was right on the button! She unmuted BK (the boyfriend) and both were amazed at my ability. I immediately chalked it up to “luck” and reminded them both that it isn’t a cheap parlor trick! It takes work and concentration to really be good at speech reading. I simply got lucky!

Think About What Looks Alike

I picked up a good HoH (hard of hearing) habit from a friend in California in 2006. She coached me to learn to repeat to people what I thought I heard even if I knew it could not be right. By doing so it did several positive things:

1. It allowed the person with normal hearing to only have to repeat what I got wrong, saving them the time and possible exasperration of repeating everything verbatim.

2. It allows the person with normal hearing to begin to understand what things sound like to ME… a person who hears with a cochlear implant. They learn to be experts at rephrasing things and finding synonyms to explain the same comment.

3. It allows both parties to see the “funny” in trying to make sense of what I hear. I both SEE in speech reading and hear with a cochlear implant.

4. It allows the HoH person to learn to extend grace and to accept that mistakes are made and most people are eager to help clear up the confusion. It creates a positive communication environment.

Stop for a moment and think about what looks the same on the mouth when words are enunciated. Some mistakes I’ve made:

1. I thought someone walked towards me with an admiring glance and said… “Sweeeeet…. heart”!

Really they were looking beyond me and saw a red corvette… they were saying “Sweeeeet Car!“

2. The words six and set look the same as SEX. (yikes!)

3. Mom I’m knitting hard!

Which was really, “Mom, I need the car!”

4. Mrs. Portis, I forgot my paper. Canons get formica? (I was really scratching my head in confusion on this one)

Mrs. Portis I forgot my paper, can I run get it from my car?

Learning to speech read more accurately, can however, help a HoH person communicate better. My local chapter of HLAA has plans to do a 2 hour “speech reading tips” class in the next couple of months. Some great resources that we will be utilizing, come from CHHA (Canadian Hard of Hearing Association), and include:

“Sound Ideas: Managing your Hearing Loss” manual and video

“Lip Reading Naturally” by Frances Mezei and Shirlee Smith

Think It Looks Easy?

I have a challenge for you. Mute your television and see if you can figure out what is being said. You might be surprised at how well… or how poorly you do!

Some additional resources:

1. http://www.agbell.org/docs/speechreading.pdf

2. http://www.lipread.com.au/Products.html

3. http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Lip-Reading-Self-Instruction-Edward-Nitchie/dp/1428638008

4. http://www.lipreading.com/

Denise Portis

Happy Birthday Chloe!

Published on October 5, 2009October 5, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

birthday Chloe turned five-years-old on Thursday, October 1st. According to one source, that makes Chloe about 36-years-old in human years. No wonder she is perfectly fine with a Sunday afternoon nap now!

History in a Nutshell

Chloe came to Fidos For Freedom in January of 2005 as a three month old puppy. PC310044 Chloe was puppy raised by Linda O., who is a long-time Puppy Raiser for Fidos For Freedom. Chloe has an anonymous sponsor, however we have been blessed to get to know her as well over the years. Chloe’s sponsor has acted as such on behalf of numerous Fidos For Freedom dogs.

Chloe had two fantastic trainers. First she trained with Jolanthe W., and later with Pat J. Both were instrumental in helping Chloe to learn basic obedience, public deportment, and hearing alerts.

In January of 2007, I was matched with Chloe at a Wednesday night training. I’m not sure who had the happiest tail wag!

Chloe and I graduated from Fidos For Freedom at the Tux & Tails Gala in May of 2009.

I cannot imagine life without Chloe! Whether it is doing her job alerting me to sounds I do not hear, or retrieving dropped items so that I do not topple from the Meniere’s, Chloe is simply glad to be with me. She doesn’t even consider her job, “work”.

In honor of all those canine partners who assist their human with various tasks, I want to wish Chloe a very Happy Birthday!

Denise Portis

Disappointed and it’s ALL MY FAULT

Published on September 14, 2009September 30, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

This is one of my all time favorite paintings by Ron DiCianni

Last night our church had a special prayer meeting. I’m always “in” for prayer meetings! I wish we could have them more often than we do. I’ve been a big fan of prayer since about 1993. That was the year I began losing my hearing. Nothing like slowly losing the ability to communicate well with other people, to drive you to your knees to learn to communicate with God. I suppose in many ways, prayer is one of the reasons I do not regret being late-deafened. I’d never want to go back and undo all that I’ve learned about prayer.

My Own Fault

I’ve learned plenty about prayer, but I must not have learned much about asking for assistance in advance! You would think I would learn to ask for help in the right way, and in time to allow folks in charge to be able to assist me! I mean? How hard is it to shoot an email to the pastor to remind him that I’ll need everyone to use the microphone if they speak from the floor?

There were around 20 people there last night. Small groups are something I look forward too. As soon as the pastor saw me he made eye contact and let me know he was going to use the microphone. Whenever possible, he asked folks to come up to the microphone. When he asked questions that required “popcorn answers”, he repeated what they said into the microphone as it would not reach to the back of the group. Sometimes, however, a person answered much longer than what may have been anticipated. The pastor was forced to “interpret” and condense what they said. At certain points, he could tell someone was going to speak longer, or perhaps someone volunteered to pray for a specific need. He asked them to come up to the microphone. (whew). Had I let him know in advance I was going to be there, I’m sure they would have had a cordless microphone ready!

As a person with hearing loss, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure that the people at a meeting you are going to attend know in advance that you will need some assistance in order to hear well. People with normal hearing in a group of twenty very likely do not need a microphone at all. As a matter of fact, I don’t think our pastor had planned in advance to use one because he had to “borrow” one off the musician at the keyboard!

I love my cochlear implant! LOVE IT! It doesn’t make me a person with normal hearing, however! So when I know I’m going to attend something in which I may have trouble hearing, it is my responsibility to give someone in charge a “heads up” that I’ll be there.

Sometimes you may need to attend something in which there is no easy way to offer assistance so that you hear better. (Birthday parties, baby showers, picnics, etc.) We as late-deafened people still have a responsibility to have the right attitude about the activity. Let’s face it! There will be times you simply will not hear well. It’s not anyone’s FAULT… it’s just a fact of life for a late-deafened person. Your responding in a gracious way is the right way to go. Learn to ask people to repeat things the right way. Perhaps that means repeating for them what you DID hear, so that they only have to repeat what you did NOT. It may mean asking to step over to the side so that you are not quite so much in the middle of a lot of noise. It may mean that you are willing to bring a neck loop and/or assistive listening device. Relax, and learn to have fun even if you are not able to hear everything. Chances are the people you are with really care about you. They cannot ever fully understand what you live. Don’t punish them for that!

After prayer meeting last night, I was crying before I could even get out the door. And let me tell you Chloe was having to jog to keep up! I was just so ticked off at myself for having poorly planned, and so disappointed about not hearing very well… I hate crying in public, but gee was I mad at myself! I know better! I’ll do better! GRIN

How to Handle It?

So? What does a late-deafened person do when you’ve alerted a group that can assist in ways such as a cordless microphone being ready, and the group “forgets” or overlooks your need?

A. Continue to remind them, but don’t mention how you weren’t able to participate this time.

B. Express sincere regret at not being able to fully participate and ask if there is anything you can do to make sure assistance is available next time.

C. Knock some heads together.

D. Whine and complain and never return.

E. Pout and embarass anyone in charge with a loud verbal rebuke after the meeting.

Hmm. You know? There may be more than one right answer here and it may depend on your own personality. (Answers C, D, and E are really not great choices folks!) The key is to remember that what you say and how you react may affect how another person with hearing loss is assisted by this group in the future! Lay the groundwork for good relations! Another person with hearing loss may reap the benefits of you having handled things the right way!

Denise Portis

Thorns

Published on September 8, 2009September 30, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

What may look small, can cause BIG trouble!

About 10 days ago I decided to be industrious and trim the rosebush in the back yard. This rose bush is about 15 years old and HUGE. Our backyard is pretty much the “playground of the canines”, so I do little more to it than mow really! However, this rosebush is truly a monster! I’ll have to get a picture of it in full bloom sometime. By the end of the summer, the branches are hanging low to the ground and some pruning is necessary. I decided to do it on impulse, which is never a good start to any project.

Instead of wearing gloves and long sleeves, I simply ran inside to fetch the clippers. It shouldn’t surprise you that by the time I was finished I was covered in scratches and even a rash! (I must be allergic to multiple rosebush thorn scratches). One particular thorn ended up causing a lot of problems.

Somehow, it broke off under the skin of my right index finger. I’m not sure why I’m saying “somehow”, because we’ve already established I was doing this without gloves (sigh).

Anyway… I couldn’t get it out! Today, it had finally healed enough that I decided to try again. I found a needle, disinfected it, and found a bright sunny spot in my office to plop down and “dig”. I was amazed that I got it out after 3 or 4 minutes!

How could such a tiny thing, cause so much pain and distress for 10 days?

Thorns are nasty little things. I suppose for the rosebush, it serves a purpose. But thorns are definitely one of those things that ended up in existence after “the Fall”. What good are they really to anything other than the plant?

Thorns make great analogies, however. For example, plants that produce thorns (which includes many weeds) are easy to grow. They require very little maintenance. Within a short period of time, they can choke out plants that you sowed on purpose!

Choking out the Important

Chloe is a wonderful assistance dog. I really count on her, and I cannot imagine life without her! However, Chloe isn’t perfect. Many of her “faults” are common hound tendencies. Hounds are hunters and should Chloe spy a bunny in the front yard, the house could be burning down and she’d only sit and perseverate on that bunny. I acknowledge one time what she’s barking at, and then work hard to re-direct her. Sometimes I have to get firm, and sternly tell her to “settle”. Infrequently, I have to go a little farther. If she simply will not leave the very thought of that bunny alone, I command her to go in a “down/stay” in her bed by my desk. (This is where she usually plants herself anyway as she’s rarely far from my side sans a bunny in the front yard). When she is commanded to go there, however, to her it is punishment. To let me know how she felt, she decided to pout.

Chloe may decide to let all her training and every good thought to be choked out by thorns if she allows it. She can be decidedly narrow-minded once a bunny enters the picture. Thankfully, she is eager to please as well, and so her pouts are normally short-lived.

Don’t we all allow one thing to crowd out everything else sometimes?

Accentuate the Positive

There is an old song about accentuating the positive. Many times we choose to do the opposite. One or two things can be going wrong in our life, and suddenly our lives are “horrible”. I get frustrated with people who have a bad day, and then announce that they “hate their life”.

For some reason, we will let thorns choke out every good thing in our lives. The Bible is full of verses about thorns, and they often have to do with choking out good things. Another anaology the Bible uses is that of a “thorn in the side”. Ouch! We should strive to be a blessing to others, not a thorn in their side!

Is Hearing Loss a Thorn, or a Blessing

Isn’t it hard to try and be thankful for a life-changing disability? I don’t know that we ever have to quit TRYING. It doesn’t naturally “compute”, and it is a daily decision we have to make. The alternative however, is to allow our disability to be a thorn. It can grow and fester and choke out all the good things in our lives. If you have a hearing loss and it affects your communication with others, do you allow the negatives to choke out all the numerous positives in your life? It’s easy to do; easy to allow…

You may need to get out your clippers and do some pruning. Take my word for it; don’t do it on impulse. Plan, prepare, pray, and make sure you dispose of all the clippings.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics of this great old song, Accentuate the Positive:

Gather ’round me, everybody
Gather ’round me while I’m preachin’
Feel a sermon comin’ on me
The topic will be sin and that’s what I’m ag’in’
If you wanna hear my story
The settle back and just sit tight
While I start reviewin’
The attitude of doin’ right

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium’s
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

(Man, they said “We’d better accentuate the positive”)
(“Eliminate the negative”)
(“And latch on to the affirmative”)
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium’s)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)

You got to ac (yes, yes) -cent-tchu-ate the positive
Eliminate (yes, yes) the negative
And latch (yes, yes) on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
No, don’t mess with Mister In-Between

Denise Portis

Very thankful for…

Published on August 30, 2009August 30, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

… copiers who “spit out” the copies high up instead of down low. See the look of disappointment on Chloe’s face? One of her favorite things to do is to “collect” the copies if they come out low.

School is starting! “Back to School Night” is tomorrow night and classes officially start 9/10! I only filled two classes this year so will only be teaching in the afternoon. As I’m in school myself, this will actually be a welcome break.

(pssst… hey Chloe? Ready to be my school bell again?)

Denise Portis

Get My Attention First

Published on August 28, 2009August 28, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

Denise and Chloe at the Aquarium in Baltimore Aug. 23, 2009

Dog Training 101

When I first began training at Fidos For Freedom in Laurel, Maryland, I learned from trainer Tracy B. that it is very important to use your dog’s name. This was especially important on the training floor where there were numerous dogs present all of which were being given obedience commands by their human partner. Calling the dog’s name gets their attention first. Follow that with a command about what you what them to do, and then lavish praise.

Even though I only attend the trainings on average twice a month now, I still make it a habit to use Chloe‘s name first. We have another dog that is never far from Chloe when she is home. Tyco is our family dog and is a two-year-old Norwegian Elkhound. He’s a “dog’s dog”. Oh sure… he loves us, but he idolizes Chloe. So where Chloe is, Tyco is there as well.

My husband was running into a road block on the stairs when he first arrived home from work. Both dogs would park on the stairs – entire bodies all “a-wag” waiting for him to acknowledge them.

I have finally taught Terry actual obedience commands (you CAN teach an old dog new tricks) so instead of saying, “Would you please MOVE?” he will say “move” with some authority in his voice instead of a question. The only problem was that he failed to use either dog’s name. I had to remind my “old dog” that he needed to use their name first. Now when he arrives home he will say, “Chloe move” (and she does), and “Tyco move” (and he does only because he follows Chloe – GRIN).

When he gets to the top of the stairs, he can put his things down and greet the dogs “proper-like”.

Hearing with a CI

When you have a hearing loss for twelve years and then receive a cochlear implant, you still do not hear perfectly. In spite of the fact that CI’s are bionics, you will also discover that you are not Jamie Sommers who can hear BETTER than folks with normal hearing. As a matter of fact, hearing takes WORK. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE what I’m hearing and am so thankful for this technology! In a quiet room with few distractions, I can usually carry on a conversation without even having to look at you!

Let’s face it… the world is not a quiet place and the times I find that I’m trying to have a conversation in a quiet room are few and far between. Instead there is normally background noise. It can be noises like the television, stereo, pets, restaurant noise, crowd noise, etc. So the majority of the time I am trying to hear ONLY your voice amidst all the sounds my CI picks up for me. I have special programs (Smartsound NOISE or FOCUS) that allow me to pull only what I’m looking at closer; a type of directional microphone really! However, it is NOT a perfect solution. The background noise never stays at a constant level. It can get louder or softer. Hearing will never again be something that just “happens” for me.

It takes work.

I must concentrate.

It’s a shame I don’t burn calories!

Is it any wonder why late-deafened folks are so exhausted at the end of the day? I require 8-9 hours of sleep each night. If I don’t get it, I do not function at 100% the next day. I’ve had days where a sick teen or ill service dog have kept me up most of the night. I rarely even attempt wearing my “ears” (cochlear implant and hearing aid) the next day as I know I will hear little since I cannot concentrate.

Use My Name Please

It is very helpful to first use the name of someone you are conversing with that has a hearing loss. Hearing with a CI, I learned pretty quickly that in a crowd of noise it is in my best interest to work at tuning out all the sound. I recognize my name very easily, even among the buzz of voices around me. I’ve always been very thankful my name starts with a harsh consonant! Hearing my name first allows me to identify who is addressing me. I can turn and face them and begin concentrating in earnest.

Unless we are having a face-to-face conversation, I may look away from you after we have visited a bit to see if Chloe is doing as I asked (normally a down/stay or stand/stay). Or, I may smile at people across the room, wave, etc. If I am not looking at you, it is VERY helpful to say my name again to let me know you are talking to me again. It gets my attention. My CI zeros in on the voice. I’ve even been able to discern my name coming from the mouth of someone across the room! I think the most difficult listening situation is to be in a small group of people who are talking in a larger room with other small groups talking. You find that you are “part of the group” and attempt following the conversation as different speakers say different things. It can be exhausting!

Look at Me Please

I find it amusing that people with hearing loss are often the worst communicators. At my local HLAA (Hearing Loss Assoc. of America) meeting recently, I attempted to have a conversation with someone after the meeting. People were talking and standing around; some were busy tearing things down. There was a LOT of noise. The person I was trying to talk to spoke to their feet. Granted… they had the nicest brown sandals I have seen in awhile. Out of habit I looked to see what they were looking at while they spoke. I had to apologize several times and ask them to repeat something. At one point, this person’s attention was snagged by the activity of another member who was cleaning up the snacks. The person I was talking to turned to see what this other member was doing. I could tell they were still talking, but it became a buzz of sound as soon as they turned their back to me.

I said, “Pardon me? I missed that part after you said what you did about the recent rains”.

They looked at me exasperated and said, “Even though you have a cochlear implant now you don’t hear any better than I do!”

I decided to walk away (as I didn’t think I could speak “kindly”). They were on their way to grab a snack before they all disappeared anyway.

You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby!

I have learned a few things in the four years I have been “hearing again”. It is OK to stand next to someone who WAS talking to you and wait until you are spoken to again. A touch on my arm, or using my name alerts me to the fact that you wish to speak to me again. When I was first activated, I would attempt to not look as if I were ESCAPING after someone finished talking to me. I’d go and find a quiet place and look with wide eyes at the different groups of people standing around talking. If someone waved and then started toward me, I would “brace myself” for the difficulty in conversing with them.

Now I can stand in a crowd of people and wait to be acknowledged. If no one gets my attention, I am at ease. I find that I am even brave enough to start a conversation on my own. After all, I pursued a cochlear implant so that I could continue talking to the people in my life.

This week my schoolwork was interrupted by an “incoming IM” from my daughter. She was in between classes and wrote, “Hey mom! Do you have your ears in? Can I call you?”

Seconds later I was talking to her on the phone. Perhaps this isn’t a big deal to those of you who hear normally. But I haven’t been using the phone for very long. Even after receiving a cochlear implant, it took a lot of practice and courage to start using the phone.

… and here I was in the middle of the day

… talking to my daughter

… on the phone.

I cried.

But they were happy tears!

Denise Portis

What does a “Drum Brush” Sound Like?

Published on July 27, 2009July 27, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

drum brush At church on Sunday I watched as the final seconds counted down to designate the start of our services. A timer displayed on the wall allowed everyone to see when the services were expected to begin at Daybreak Community Church. The band members rushed to thier spots and as the last second disappeared, the music director said “Good morning” to everyone present.

The drummer sat down at a single drum and microphone with a tool resembling the one you see pictured here. I had never seen this before as the “norm” for our drummer includes the entire drum set, cymbals, etc. I craned my neck to watch as he used what looked like a “whisk”, on a rectangular drum placed between his knees. I did my best to see if I could hear what sound he was making over there! Unfortunately, I could only hear the keyboard, base guitar and voices around me lifted in praise. It’s NOT that this is usually an unfortunate thing – smile! On the contrary, I am usually extremely pleased to be able to tell where we are as I look at the lyrics displayed on the wall behind the band! But today… I wanted to hear what this “whisk” sounded like!

Drum Brush

Immediately following the final “Amen” and parting song, I rushed up to the drummer with Chloe in “heel”. Because I didn’t even know what it was called, I reached over to his music stand and touched the “whisk”,

“Bobby… what IS that?”

“I call it a drum brush,” he explained while picking it up so that I could see it closer.

“A drum brush? What does it sound like?”

Bobby bent to his drum and “played it” again. I got down on one knee and moved my CI closer to the drum. I strained to listen… and could just barely make out a sound. It was a tiny, fluttery, BRUSH of sound. I smiled and looked up…

“Cool!”

Bobby asked, “What does it sound like to YOU?”

Hmmm… I had to ponder that for a brief yet “ponderous” second or two.

“I think it sounds like rustling leaves,” I replied.

“Hmm. I have always thought it sounds much like Jiffy-Pop popcorn,” Bobby grinned in response.

“Yeah! Yes, it does!”

I knew that agreeing also meant that I had instantly aged myself. For “Jiffy Pop” was something that was long before microwave popcorn. (Since Bobby and I are close to the same age, I knew he dared not make a crack about my age… besides you can STILL buy Jiffy Pop!)

Crackling Leaves and Jiffy Pop

If you click on the videos below, those of you with normal hearing or those who “hear again” with the miracle of a cochlear implant, you should be able to hear the sounds.

Memory Makers

Since I have been hearing again for four years now, many times when I re-discover a new sound I equate it to a sound that I still have “stored in my memory banks“. The brain is unique that way. If I am hearing a cat purr, I have a memory of cats purring prior to my becoming deaf. I grew up on a farm in southeastern Colorado. We had many cats and I had stored away what a cat’s purr sounds like. However, if what I am hearing is new to me, I am unable to compare it to the same sound that I was able to hear in my past. The best I can do is compare it to another sound in hopes of being able to describe it and make sense of it as I listen with my cochlear implant.

To me… a drum brush sounds much like the combination of crackling leaves and “Jiffy Pop” popcorn! It is the best comparison that I can think of in my attempts to place a new sound from a new “noise maker”.

Adaptation

Having an acquired disability can “make” or “break” you. I remember when my husband and I first realized that my hearing loss was progressive. I was going to the audiologist about every six months as my hearing was noticeably worse. Holding an audiogram with visible, charted proof that you are losing your hearing is very sobering. It seemed as soon as I adapted to communicating at the current level of loss, I would again lose some more of my hearing. Eventually, I could hear very little in spite of two new BTE hearing aids.

Each time I learned to re-adjust I would try to remember what had worked well for me in the past. Having never been deaf before, I had no comparison. I could only remind myself that I needed to continue to be active and proactive in communication. It worked in my best interest to make my invisible disability – visible. I wore my hair up so that my colorful ear molds could be easily seen. I pointed to my mouth and asked for a repeat if I was having trouble hearing. If I could only make sense of PART of what was said, I would repeat that PART and ask for clarification of what I did not get. If the background noise was extreme, I would ask if we could move to a quieter location to finish the conversation. I tried desperately to remain upbeat and positive. The alternative was scary.

Desperation and Despair

At one point in the process of my becoming a deaf person, I had really lost all hope. I had just moved from North Carolina and was trying hard to not only adjust to a new job, a new level of hearing loss, and a new community, but I had lost every friend that had meant so much to me! My North Carolina friends found excuses not to visit and emails were many times lost in cyber space. I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with people at work and church in my new home. I felt alienated and alone. Couple this with a progressive hearing loss that eventually began to even effect how well I could communicate with my family, and you were looking at one WHIPPED puppy!

Instead of adapting and reaching out for help, I isolated myself and became very depressed. Early in 2003, I found that I was actually contemplating how to end my life. How did I get to this point? At what point had I “given up”? When had I decided to no longer attempt living in spite of a disability? I’m not 100% sure of when it all went wrong, but I suspect I knowingly or unintentionally stopped remembering how wonderful life is! My brain had so many wonderful memories of living a successful and abundant life, and yet I seemed incapable of accessing those memories! I’m very glad that God intervened through people in my life who recognized I had given up.

No Alternatives

There are not any alternatives to adaptation. Life can be… and many times IS hard. We must continue to adapt and “roll with the punches”. There are plenty of blessings and wonderful memories as well. Adapting means we deliberately adjust to change. It is a mindset and a choice.

Lose your job?

Work hard at enlisting the help of friends and acquaintances to help you network to find a new position. You will find your friendships strengthened and you may make a friend or two you didn’t know before. Often times God moves us to a new place to live and serve which ends up providing a great deal more happiness than what we enjoyed before. Most people find that they grow and mature as they re-work that old resume, touch base with contacts and put themselves out there to obtain interviews in their seeking employment.My husband recently went through this and even I noticed the growth in his life at the end of the journey. He is now much happier than he was prior to losing his job.

Lose a loved one?

It can be so hard to say goodbye to someone we care about. I cannot write much about this topic, for truthfully I have yet to experience the loss of someone very close to me. I have seen plenty of people in my life go through this even recently, however. Their lives are a testimony to ME whether they realize it or not. It isn’t a matter of “if” I will experience the loss of someone I love. It WILL happen. I am learning how it can affect a person, and observing God’s grace poured out on the lives of those who desperately need it!

I could go on and on about different things that can happen to a person that requires we adapt. However, I would be writing all day if I did that for in truth, life insists we all learn to adapt. There is no healthy alternative!

Denise Portis

I’m sorry… 5 Different Ways

Published on July 23, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

I’ve always been a big fan of “The 5 Love Languages”, written by Gary Chapman and along with other combinations of co-authors like Ross Campbell, and Jennifer Thomas. In collecting some background information for this post, I see that there are now 7 titles total. I’m behind! I only have 4 of the books! My favorite of the “lot”, is “The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships”. Every person has a preference in how they apologize. This is a good indicator of how they prefer to be apologized to by others!

Doggedly Different

chloe sorry Chloe and I have been working together for a little over two years now. In the beginning, I had to really get to know her and learn what some of her calming signals, body language and other cues meant. Sometimes as clients-in-training, we pick up things from our trainers just by paying attention. The trainers work with more than one dog more often than not. They simply cannot relay every single tidbit of information about your dog to you. When I’ve asked specific questions, they may think a second about MY dog and then answer as best they know. Something I picked up by listening to Pat was the word “phoeey”. It isn’t even said in a harsh way, or with an elevated tone.

We were at a gas station filling up Pat’s car. Chloe wasn’t staying overnight with me yet, and so the fact that Pat was OUTSIDE the car filling up had Chloe concerned. I could just barely hear Chloe’s high pitch whine. When Pat got back in the car, Chloe hopped up to give Pat’s ear a kiss, and Pat calmly said, “Chloe phoeey”. Chloe immediately went back to her place “happy as a clam” and seemed assured that all was right in the world again.(Is a clam ever happy, folks? Where do we get some of our phrases? EYES ROLL).

By LISTENING, I learned that if I say “phoeey” to Chloe she understands to stop what she is doing. If it is something she knows she should NOT have been doing, she attempts to apologize as well. For Chloe, an apology is a sweet sit, eyes connect with a tiny sheepish duck of the head. She will many times put a paw on my knee if I’m sitting as if to say, “Sorry… we ok?” A pat on the head is all that is required for her to know the apology is accepted.

My Elkhound pup turned two this month, and believe me he is still a pup! tyco1 Tyco is very sensitive, and if I ask him to stop doing something (a louder WRONG for he ignores a “Tyco phoeey”), he belly crawls to me and licks my feet! The poor guy! I scratch his ears and “love talk” him for 10 seconds to let him know there are no bad feelings.(Longer periods of time just rewards his behavior… I want him to know all is well and GET ON WITH LIFE).

naked Peg 003 Pegasus is a nervous little guy. If he is corrected by person or other dog, Pegasus will TWIRL to apologize. He twirls. Constantly. In one direction. Opposite what my world spins due to Meniere’s. Needless to say, I intervene before I fall on my caboose. I reach down and pick him up mid-twirl, smooch him a kiss loudly and confidently, and set him back down. WHEW. Apology accepted. ebony Ebony? Well she is our senior citizen. If she is corrected, (usually Ebony – NO) she ignores us. After all… she’s deaf (and partially blind, and arthritic, collapsing trachea, enlarged heart, liver disease, rotating patellas, alopecia and MORE).

5 Different Apologies

I think every person should read this book! I have learned so much about how each of my own family members have a different apology language. I’m learning how to do the same with other family members and friends. The apology languages are as follows:

1. Expressing Regret (“I am sorry”)

2. Accepting Responsibility (“I was wrong”)

3. Making Restitution (“What can I do to make it right?”)

4. Genuinely repenting (“I’ll try not to do that again”)

5. Requesting Forgiveness (“Will you please forgive me?”)

In a perfect world there would be no need for apologies. Since we live in a world that is far from perfect, it would be wise to learn to apologize. Let’s face it! We all blow it!

On Purpose

Sometimes we intentionally purpose to make someone mad or hurt them. I wish it weren’t true, but I can be honest with myself. There are times I know that what I’m going to say or do will either make another angry or hurt. Perhaps I justify it because it is done with vengeance. Maybe I’m just in a rotten mood and desire to “share the feeling”. It may be that I’m tired, not feeling well, and should go to bed instead of trying to communicate with someone. The damage is done! I believe when we are willful and premeditated about our wounding, our apology should reflect the seriousness of situation. I believe we should not only SAY we are sorry, but SHOW we are sorry. If I ever find that I am deliberate about being unkind, I attempt to make restitution. Shame on me!

Oops… did I do that?

Sometimes we hurt someone unintentionally. Apologies are given because of how another received what we said or did, not because it was our intent to hurt them. Have you ever discovered you hurt someone and that disclosure took YOU by surprise? If you hurt someone accidentally, you should apologize. Depending on the circumstances, you may try to explain what you were attempting to do. Don’t justify your actions WITHOUT an apology. It doesn’t really matter what you MEANT. If it hurt someone, we should try to make that right. We shouldn’t be so proud that we cannot say, “I’m sorry! I did not mean it that way, and I’m really sorry that what I said ended up hurting you!”

Having said all of that, we need to be careful about our own sensitivity. At certain times in my life, I remember being in the frame of mind where I EXPECTED people to say or do hateful things. Guess what? I was never disappointed. It seemed that every day I was owed an apology for something. What a terrible way to live! If someone says something a bit “off”, try not to jump to the conclusion that is was meant maliciously or callously. Expect the best from people… not their worst.

Recently my son and I were working together to change the cat litter out in the litter boxes. The kids have 3 cats between the two of them and so we have 3 litter boxes. (Ever tried to ask a cat to wait in line with her legs crossed?). We buy cat litter in huge 40 pound bags. I simply cannot lift it and “aim” at the same time. My 6′ almost 3″ son has no problem hefting big awkward bags… unless any dust happens to aggravate his allergies that is! In the middle of hefting, tilting and aiming the bag, he gave a tremendous house-rattling SNEEZE. Yup. You guessed it! When the dust cleared, he and I both looked down at the pile of litter that now completely covered my bare FEET.

“Um… gee mom. Sorry about that!”

I wiggled my toes. They didn’t appear because the pile was THAT DEEP. He didn’t MEAN to bury my feet. It wasn’t his intention to set up an accident to where it would necessitate my cleaning litter out from between my toes. I couldn’t help it… I started to giggle, then I began to crack up… and finally my son and I were both in stitches just dying laughing! We cleaned up the mess, and finished the job… but just barely! Chris gets the hiccups when he laughs THAT hard, which is just about as dangerous as a sneeze!

Heck! Even DOGS understand when it wasn’t on purpose! Sometimes my two big dogs will be playing and one of them may inadvertently nibble/pinch too hard. If Tyco did the “oops”, he drops and crawls to Chloe and licks her feet with his ears flattened. His apology language doesn’t change species to species it seems! If Chloe does the “ouchie”, she will come and sit next to Tyco and give him a soft cuff and lean against him. She looks up under her eyelashes at him with a look that says, “Did I do that? Um, sorry – oops!”

Chip on Their Shoulder

Have you ever met someone who is ultra-sensitive? It seems like every time you are with them you say or do something that hurts their feelings or wounds their fragile ego. Do we owe them an apology every single time? Wouldn’t our conversations with them end up being apologies alone? In the course of my lifetime I have been in contact with people like this. You may have to sit them down and say:

“You know? It seems like whenever we are together I say or do something that makes you mad or hurts your feelings. I’m really not intentionally doing these things! It may be that you have this expectation of me. Can we discuss this?”

Perhaps you should agree to just limit your contact with this person. Maybe you don’t have a choice! This may mean that you have to change your own behavior and carefully, methodically respond when with this person. You may be in a situation where it is impossible to tip-toe around the other person’s feelings. Your one-on-one conversation may include something like:

“It seems I cannot say or do anything to keep you from being upset. If you watch my interactions with others, I love to laugh, tease and interact with others in a positive way. I understand you do not like this and I have never intended to cause you pain. It may mean that we work together as best we can, and just acknowledge that our personalities do not mesh well. That’s OK! We don’t have to be friends to work together with mutual respect.”

If you are obsessing over where “happy as a clam” came from, feel free to click the clam to see what “Wise Geeks” says. Yeah… I was obsessing!

Denise Portis

B.L.I.N.G and Invisible Disabilities

Published on July 21, 2009July 21, 2009 by hearingelmo9 Comments

My 19-year-old daughter came up with the witty acronym of B.L.I.N.G. (B asically L iving I nvisible is N ot G ood). It can be tied to a variety of life lessons.

Cochlear implant “bling” and Assistance Dogs

I am a late-deafened adult and I also have Meniere’s disease. Being “late-deafened” is a fancy way of saying that I lost my hearing after I learned oral language. Hearing loss can be mild, moderate, severe or profound. Although all levels of hearing loss affect the way in which a person freely communicates, a person obviously has more serious problems the more severe their hearing loss is. I think part of the reason that HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America), ALDA (Association of Late-Deafened Adults), and other non-profit organizations for people with hearing loss have trouble attracting new members is that for most people, hearing loss is a nuisance and not a life-changing disability.

According to NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics), there are 37 million Americans who have trouble hearing (NCHS, 2006). A study done by Gallaudet in 2001 reveals that 8 million Americans have difficulty hearing even with the use of a hearing aid (Gallaudet Research Institute, 2007). This leaves approximately 29 million Americans who communicate effectively in spite of a hearing loss. This vast majority of people with hearing loss enjoy the invisibility of their disability as they function well “in spite of”. They “look” like everyone else. They do not have a need for support groups, advocacy or a connection to a non-profit organization because they have no need to identify with the hearing loss group. (I discussed why some people choose to not seek help when they DO have a significant loss here.)

When it became obvious that my own hearing loss was progressive, I began to realize how difficult it is to have an invisible disability. Prior to my cochlear implant in 2005, you would never know I had a disability unless I opened my mouth to speak to you. My speech was beginning to deteriorate just a little bit due to the fact I had not heard my own voice in a number of years. I may have interrupted conversations, not realizing someone else was speaking. I had trouble balancing the volume of my voice and more often spoke to softly than to loudly! Meniere’s disease kindly bestows noticeable symptoms for me when it’s a rainy or overcast day. You would never know it, however, unless I tried to walk a straight line or go up or down steps!

Being surgically implanted with a cochlear implant felt a little bit like a miracle. I could hear my own voice again in most environments and my speech improved dramatically over the period of only a couple of months! Having a cochlear implant does not mean I hear perfectly, however. There are some situations with a lot of background noise or poor acoustical environments that I may have to ask for a “repeat”. I may have trouble following conversations if I’m extremely fatigued. Prior to my implant, I had already adopted bright colored ear molds for my hearing aids and wore my hair up. I found out through a great deal of “trial and error” that it was in my best interests for people to know that I have difficulty hearing. After I received a cochlear implant, I didn’t see the need to change my adopted visibility. I wear “bling” on my CI, and it does draw attention to the fact that I hear but not in a normal way. It allows people to quickly identify that they may need to be sure to face me when they talk, or be aware that if I ask for a repeat it is not because I’m not paying attention. I really believe my “bling” helps other people as much as it helps me.

Having a hearing assistance dog who also does balance related tasks for me, brings attention to my disability as well. If you’ve ever thought about having an assistance dog, but do not like to field questions or have people notice you, then you may want to reconsider. Chloe comes from Fidos For Freedom in Laurel, Maryland. It’s not her bright red vest that gets attention. What makes people notice is simply the fact that she is a DOG! It’s not very often you see a dog in a store, restaurant or even church!

B asically L iving I nvisible is N ot G ood

Recently, God allowed a very mean person to be a part of my life for a short time. I say that GOD allowed this person, because it actually served to remind me that there are bigoted mean people who not only do not understand disabilities, but choose not to understand. Through FaceBook, I ended up “accepting a friend invite” because they were involved with someone I trusted. It didn’t take very long for this person’s true colors to be revealed. Comments left on my uploaded photos or “Notes” and eventually conversations between this person and myself and my husband through “instant messaging”, all revealed how there are still people who don’t “get it”. We received over 45 comments and messages from people astonished that there were still people like this out there! Some people do not realize that disabilities are often invisible. They do not understand that there are good reasons to make an invisible disability… visible! Some people do not understand that disabilities are not chosen. There are some that do not understand that disabilities may not only be life changing, they can be terminal. Many diseases and disabilities are those that shorten a life. God used this person in my life to remind me that some people are not only uneducated about disabilities, but they may willfully choose to believe the worst about those who have them. (It’s a great relief to not have to put up with this person anymore, but I do thank God that it was used to open my eyes!)

For me… basically living invisible is not good. There may be other people with Meniere’s disease or deafness who choose to live another way. I respect that! “Bling” works for me. It reminds even those I know well that in spite of my speaking perfect English (with the exception of a southern accent), I do not hear normally. It reminds them that if I repeat part of what I heard and wait for a repeat of what I didn’t… that it isn’t because I chose to stop paying attention. If I say, “whoa” under my breath and touch the wall in order to snap my visual field back into focus, they are reminded why I have a dog who picks up things for me and “braces”.

“Bling” and an assistance dog both serve to allow me to live with some independence. I don’t have to have family members with me now just to go to the post office or a store.

Invisible Awareness Week

There are others who know what it is like to have an invisible illness or disability. September 14-20 is “Invisible Awareness Week“. If you or someone you know have an invisible illness, I encourage you to check out this site!

If you do not have an invisible disability, chances are you know someone who does. Do you know some of the strongest advocates for people with disabilities are those who do not have one? Think about it… who will get further with a person who misunderstands the needs, reactions, or communications from a person with an invisible illness or disability? Certainly people who live with invisible illnesses or disabilities should learn to advocate in a positive way. Their ability to do so helps us all! However, if you take a person aside and teach them… explain to them a little bit about another person’s disability or illness, it may mean even more! Every person can be a strong advocate for others.

Denise Portis