working dogs – Page 9

Plague of Small Things

Published on July 10, 2009July 10, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

sad I’m not sure where I first heard the phrase, “When it rains, it pours…” Perhaps from my mother who seems to be full of sage advice and quick with witty and appropriate tidbits of philosophical opinion.

It does seem that trouble comes in waves, breaking against my legs and threatening to topple me caboose first in the white foam of an incoming tide. I’m currently CHOOSING TO PARTICIPATE in great number of small worries. Why I seem so eager to engage in shouldering every care , I have no idea! I’m prone to do this and have to place some checks and balances in my life so that I don’t become truly handicapped!

Series on Job

My church recently finished a series of studies on the book of Job. How that man endured the loss he experienced in one day is beyond me! The Bible tells us that one messenger of bad news followed on the heel of another. “While he was yet speaking, there came another and said,” repeats four times in chapter one. I picture Job sitting there with a stunned look on his face while one messenger after another came to tell him his oxen and donkeys were stolen and servants killed, fire from heaven destroyed his sheep and servants, his camels were stolen and servants killed, and finally a natural disaster… a great wind… collapsed the house where all of his children and their families were feasting. No one survived! It always makes my own problems seem so minor!

And yet… it does seem that at times our worries, problems, stresses and cares come all at once. It can make us feel overwhelmed. They don’t even have to be BIG things, although at times they are! I think of friends who are facing cancer, advanced Lyme, depression and the loss of a home. Many of us experience a bunch of small problems all at once… a plague of small things. It is surprising how HEAVY these small burdens can be when shouldered all at the same time.

A Strange Song

A very strange, rather corny song has been going through my head this morning. I have so many things I have to accomplish this weekend I’m a wee bit overwhelmed. Chloe is even feeling my stress and does her best to cajole me into at least a snuggle moment or two! After my morning tea I found myself humming a song that I couldn’t place the name too. I even started singing the parts I remembered out loud in an attempt to trigger my memory of where I’ve heard it before! I’m fairly sure I was singing in tune too as I have my CI on! (smile) Chloe cocked her head and looked at me like I had lost it when I started deliberately placing my feet one in front of the other! Then it hit me! “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”! Now if you were born after 1980, you may have never even seen the cartoon. However it use to be one of my favorite!

Kris Kringle just befriended the Winter Warlock, whose icy heart had never known true friendship or love. Kris gave him a gift and it melted that hard, cold heart! However, Winter Warlock despaired of being able to change! After all, he’d lived his entire existence as a burdened, angry cold-hearted grump! He worried out loud to Kris,

“But will it last?” and “… it is so difficult to REALLY change!” His concern was that this change of heart would continue. Would he revert to his old ways? Could he truly release his cares?

Kringle replied, “Difficult? Why look here, change from bad to good is as easy as taking your first step!”

He then bursts into song… “Put One Foot in Front of the Other”.They shuffled side-by-side as Kringle taught Winter Warlock how to take ONE step at a time.

I had to look up the lyrics so that I could entertain the dogs with more than just the chorus. Oh that we would all learn to release one care at a time! Change occurs one determined moment at a time. Releasing stress happens one deep breath at a time. Parking your semi loaded with burdens in the driveway of a Heavenly Father who CAN handle it, happens one trip at a time!

I leave you with the lyrics, which explains a wonderful mindset far better than I can!

Song Lyrics

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it’s just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn

(repeat chorus twice)

Denise Portis

Falling on STEP 2

Published on June 23, 2009 by hearingelmo4 Comments

Not All Stairs Are Created Equal

Sunday, my kids were scheduled to help clean up after the service. In an effort to save time, Kyersten handed us her library books that she had planned to return through the book drop. C. Burr Artz Library is only about 1 block from where our church currently meets. Books are often returned on Sunday since we are in the right vicinity. As it was Father’s Day, I was anxious to “shave off minutes” where I could and so agreed to drop them off for her. We were in separate cars, and the plan was that Terry and I would drop off the books and then reserve a table at Outback. Outback normally opens at 4 PM, but on Father’s Day they were opening earlier – a fact Terry was very excited about since the choice was his given the special day. Terry and I left the kids cleaning up the foyer and coffee corner, and hurried to stop by the library before proceeding to Outback.

C. Burr Artz Library in downtown Frederick

It may be difficult to see from this aerial shot of the library, but the book drop is to the left as you face the main doors. There is a set of stairs you cannot see, and a handicap accessible ramp leading right up to the book drop. Terry pulled into the circular drive in front of the library and the plan was for me to hop out, drop the books in, and hop back into the van. Sounds deceptively simple, correct?

I hopped out after telling Chloe “quiet” and “stay”. She tends to have a cow when I leave the vehicle without her. It rarely happens and only when someone else is in the car. Even so, she behaves as if I’ve left her in a foreign country! In order to keep Terry from having to listen to her belly-ache, I had high hopes my “quiet” would keep her calm for the several minutes it would take to drop the books into the slot. After all, she would be able to see me the whole time, and I would be no more than ten feet away.

There were only 4 big books, and easy to carry under my left arm. I approached the stairs and considered my options. Funny how having a balance disorder forces you to look at something as simple as a short staircase in a new light. The day was sunny and I am less apt to be dizzy on clear days. I was momentarily distracted by the appearance of a young man I go to church with as it seems he walked to the book drop and beat us there! He made a comment about that fact, and I grinned and waved goodbye.

My world tends to rotate counterclockwise. This is actually a huge boon in my humble opinion, as most people walk to the right on sidewalks, stairwells, etc. This means my strongest side… my right side… is closest to the handrail and “checks” my skewed impression of things moving towards the left. I confidently stepped up to the staircase.

Decisions to Make on Step 2

Within one step I found myself sprawled out in the stairwell. I grimaced and pulled myself back up and took inventory of the various scrapes, abrasions and new bruises. I felt an immense relief that I fell on STEP 2! At least I fell “forward” instead of “backwards” and didn’t have very far to fall. If I had been on step 5, it may have been worse as the fall would have been farther. If you fall IN the staircase, your fall is cut short by the slant of the stairs. (Are you grinning? Hey these things matter, believe me!)

“OUCH”, I muttered.

Now as falling is as much a part of my day as breathing, I really do not tend to sit around contemplating the fact that I’ve just fallen… again. I could hear Chloe “losing it” in the idling van behind me. A dog’s bark comes in loud and clear with a cochlear implant. I gathered up the strewn books, made it up the final stairs and dropped them into the book drop. Every time I use the book drop, I’m reminded of the time my son told me that it “talked to you” when you fed it books. I believed this for a number of years until he overheard me talking about our book drop one day and figured he’d better set me straight that he had been pulling my leg. Ornery little booger… anyway, I digress:

I returned to the van, hopped in and buckled up. Before I could say anything, Terry said,

“Good night, Chloe was NOT quiet while you did that. She cried the whole time!”

I sat there contemplating that comment a moment, perhaps hoping he’d notice my bloody knuckles and disheveled appearance. I’m not a patient person and so blurted out,

“Well gee it could be because I dropped out of sight when I fell on the stairs!”

I can only imagine what poor Chloe saw from her perspective inside the van. Wisely, Terry cluck-clucked like a good little mother hen and was appropriately conciliatory about my new “fall down and go boom” scratches.

Stairs are not all the same. A new discovery for me has been the realization that the width of the stairwell, angle of the slope, width of the stair itself, and whether or not the stairwell is “open” or “closed” has an effect on perception when you have a balance disorder. You can learn the “feel” of a familiar stairwell; for example, I traverse the stairs at home at a pretty good pace and rarely fall even on a rainy day. (I might clarify that I rarely fall on the STAIRS at home… grin!). When I come to a “new” staircase, it is wise to take some time and check out the “lay of the land” so to speak!

We made it to Outback and reserved a table for four. Chloe went under the table and rested her head on my foot. She draped a heavy paw over my opposite foot… yeah I got the impression she wasn’t going to let me get very far without her again!

The Decision is Ours

Sometimes I wish life’s decisions were just made FOR me so that I could get on with living life. However, we all know that making decisions is part of a growing process. I don’t for a moment believe that God forces decisions on us. His word makes it pretty clear that we have a free will. We make the decisions even though He has the power and wisdom to make them for us. God is not a dictator, and much like a loving parent He allows us to make choices that may ultimately cause us pain. Even when it is clear we have made a “poor choice”, we still are able to learn from our mistakes.

I believe we can ask God for wisdom when we make decisions, and that it is wise to seek the counsel of others. In the end, we are left with a choice. Some decisions my family and friends have been faced with in recent days include:

“Do I take this job opportunity, or wait for something better?”

“Do I apply to this college, or another even if it is farther away?”

“What will I major in?”

“Do I buy this used car and clean out my savings account?”

“Do we remove my brother from life support?”

“The company is closing… should I work until the doors close or immediately start to seek a new position?”

“Do I go for a consultation for a bilateral cochlear implant?”

Granted, many of our decisions are not life-altering. I inwardly shake my head in exasperation when I hear people piously declare that they need to “think and pray about” whether or not to make a simple decision. I believe God gave us discernment to make decisions on whether or not to buy Kraft or the ingredients for homemade mac & cheese. Do we take the long way to Walmart or the short-cut and risk heavy traffic? I have heard people who have the time, means and talent try to determine if God wants them to serve in some capacity or another. For goodness sake… just serve! We can’t all be ushers, greeters, or nursery workers, but every individual can be “used” in some fashion. Don’t dare to call something God gives you to do “small” or “unimportant”.

I have made decisions about important things before only to discover rather quickly I have made a mistake. When I make a decision, I try to keep my head up and eyes focused for further direction and confirmation. By staying in a state of awareness, I can more quickly discern if I’m on the right path. If I’m not, I should come to that conclusion fairly quickly. Instead of being bummed about having wasted time, I make necessary adjustments and continue with a new plan of action. I feel an immense relief that I fell on STEP 2!

What is far more difficult is when you discover a mistake after a greater period of time has gone by… perhaps even years! You may feel incredibly “bummed” that you wasted so much time on the wrong path. Perhaps the wrong decision has you bearing new consequences even after adjusting and finding the right path. It’s hard to fall on STEP 5. Taking a fall late in the game, is still a fall “forward”. We can learn from our mistakes. Experience can be a great teacher.

As a parent of an 18 and 19-year-old, I offer advice WHEN ASKED but then allow my children to make decisions on their own. I think we should ask God for advice, for discernment, and for clarity. After I make a decision, my Heavenly Father sits back and watches far more attentively than a hound dog in an idling van. He may “bark” a warning, or alert others that care for me that I am in trouble. He may see me make adjustments and then fine tune my own decision so that I can continue on life’s path. May we all learn to make decisions with more confidence!

Denise Portis

Hearing at the GYN

Published on June 19, 2009August 28, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

chloe at door

Chloe is so accustomed to going everywhere with me, imagine her shock when I put her in her crate this morning to head to an early morning doctor visit! She goes to all my doctor visits with me, but as I’m still recovering from a sinus/respiratory infection I chose to leave her home for this particular visit as it is harder to keep track of her at the GYN’s office. Wouldn’t you know when I get there they all want to know where Chloe is? (I brought her last year).

Hearing at the Front Desk

The women’s medical plaza that I go to for my GYN visit is a big beautiful place. As you walk in the door, you enter a huge atrium and are completely surrounded by glass. It’s a huge, cavernous place and the echo off the rock, tile and marble is frustrating if you hear with a cochlear implant. I normally do pretty good. However, if you factor in that this is a OB/GYN office, there are various newborn babies crying in the waiting room as “mom” awaits a post-natal appointment with her doctor. There is a wonderful medical television service that discusses various “hot” topics among patients and provides nifty “quizzes” while you wait. They aren’t captioned, but I do really well if I’m sitting within 15 feet or so. However, if your goal while standing at the check-in desk is to communicate with the ladies behind the desk, that added background noise is not really “welcome“.

I asked for a couple of repeats as the friendly ladies at the desk … TALK to their desk as I’m checking in and providing responses to various questions. I happened to spy my chart open and so at one point after the lady again asked something of her DESK, I quickly reached down and tapped the card stapled to the front of my chart. I made the card myself and so easily recognized it. It has a picture of my smiling face and my cochlear implant with sparkly BLING above a paragraph explaining that I hear with a cochlear implant. It is very helpful if you face me when you speak so that I can pick up any visual cues and/or read lips if I miss what you are saying. The receptionist read where my finger was still pointed, looked up and beamed a big smile at me.

“Sorry about that!” she grinned.

“Not a problem”, I grinned back.

(They are the grinning’est office I’ve ever been in… )

Calling my Name and the Nurse’s Station

Because I’m concentrating and paying attention, I don’t have any problem hearing my name called. Sometimes I see other people in waiting rooms and they are deeply engrossed in a magazine, book, or their cell phone (grimace). I’m amazed that their name being called can bring them out of their “fog”, and to the realization that it is now their turn. I guess I’ve had a hearing loss so long, I don’t completely understand how people “hear without trying”.

So back to the nurse’s station I go and I get to go pee in a cup! That’s always such a joy (rolls eyes). Next… on to a room and the nurse asks me questions about my paperwork and takes my blood pressure. 128/76 which is VERY good for me when I’m in the doctor’s office. I monitor it at home as well since hypertension runs in my family, but normally when I go to the doctor my pressure is UP. I guess that means that although I’m smiling it’s not my favorite place to be? The nurse then tells me to “undress” and to remember the robe opens in the front and hands me a paper “drape”. (OH JOY). I repeat everything in order to make sure I understood correctly. I mean… who wants to get THIS wrong?

LOVE MY NEW DOCTOR

I have a new doctor because my old doctor of six years left the practice. Her name is Denise, so ya know… she must be pretty good! (smile). Seriously, though she was very thorough and was great about facing me and talking in a normal tone of voice. She asked me about my CI, and was pretty fascinated by the technology. She was very “game” for my request of “how to do this” as I’ve discovered a tried and true practice of how to talk to a doctor when your feet are in stirrups and you have a hearing loss.

I left my email at the check out counter so that that they can email the results to me. The receptionist at the check out desk said “no problem”. I explained that I hadn’t put my email address on anything, and could I write it down for her? Again… no problem, but hey! I’ve walked away before and then they never contact me!

As I was leaving, I felt what I’m sure ladies with normal hearing felt. Thank GOODNESS this only happens once a year.

Denise Portis

If I’m Part of a Majority, Then What is Our Identity?

Published on June 15, 2009June 15, 2009 by hearingelmo6 Comments

Denise and Chloe sit next to the Potomac at Harper's Ferry, WV

According to data provided by the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS, 2006)), 37 million adults in the United States have a hearing loss. This is approximately 14.9% (2007) of persons over the age of 18 living in the United States. Gallaudet Research Institute (2007) states that anywhere from 2 to 4 adults out of every 1000, is “functionally deaf”, but of that number more than half became deaf after the age of 18-years-old. (NOTE: this would be after the acquisition of oral language). As many as 22 out of every 1000 adults in the U.S. consider that they have a “severe hearing impairment”. (Their hearing loss affects their lives and impacts the way that they communicate).

Who am I?

I began losing my hearing when I started having children. At the age of 25-years-old when my daughter was born, I have a very vague and fuzzy memory of thinking I may have a cold as speech sounded muffled to me. At the age of 27-years-old, my son had come along as well and at that point my husband and I both knew that something was up with my hearing. I went to an audiologist and was diagnosed with a moderate hearing loss… “did I want to buy a hearing aid for my ‘worse’ ear?”

Although I am deaf (with a small “d” as opposed to the capital “D” for culturally Deaf folks), I don’t consider myself deaf. I don’t think it’s a matter of denial either. I speak with my voice, and use a cochlear implant and hearing aid to maximize what I hear. For me… this is “normal hearing”. My “new normal”. I’m comfortable and happy with what I hear.

I know sign language, but it is highly unusual that I do. I learned ASL in college because I had two friends in my dorm who were culturally Deaf. I’ve been learning sign and taking classes ever since. I don’t use sign language with other hard-of-hearing people because the vast majority of them do not use sign language. Think about it for a moment. If like most people who lose their hearing, you do so after having learned oral language… won’t you try to continue to communicate in a way that more closely resembles the way that you did before your hearing loss? On top of trying to live with a newly acquired disability, would you want to learn a new language including it’s syntax and grammar, only to accomplish being able to sign to other people who happen to know sign? Doesn’t make sense does it? That is why the vast majority of people who lose their hearing turn to technology, surgery and/or reading lips.

Is ASL a bad thing if you are an oral deaf adult?

I’ve been to numerous hearing loss conventions where the attendance was anywhere from 500-800 hard-of-hearing people. These conventions often hire interpreters for the twenty or so people who use ASL as their primary means of communication. CART (Communication Access Real-time Translation using a court reporter) is also usually being paid for and the many workshops and sessions are also looped or have infra-red technology so that people with t-coils on their hearing aids and cochlear implants can hear more clearly. The small nucleus of folks who use primarily ASL tend to “hang out” together at these conventions. I have seen some very strong bonds and friendships develop. However, they are also isolated at times because they cannot speak to the hard-of-hearing majority who do not use sign. Sure! You can write notes, but I’ve rarely seen the effort made.

So should a HoH (hard-of-hearing) person learn ASL? My personal opinion is that learning a little bit of ASL is a good tool to use at home when you happen to have your hearing aids or cochlear implant out… or should your batteries die. Actually, HoH folks tend to learn Pidgin sign language, or exact signed English. They tend to sign exactly as they would speak in English (which isn’t ASL). I’ve been trying to talk my HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America) chapter into doing one meeting on “often used phrases in ASL”. I believe knowing these phrases at home will facilitate communication in the situations I mentioned above. It can also be fun to learn a “hand full” of sign. However, most HoH people do not try to use sign language outside the home when they are at work, church or in public. They normally read lips, try to set up ideal listening environments, use technologies available, and often have hearing aids and/or cochlear implants.

I get a little aggravated when I make a doctor’s appointment and they offer to set up “Deaf Talk” for me since my chart is flagged with “deaf”. First of all, I’m on the PHONE making an appointment with them! I explain that I use a cochlear implant to communicate and that I speak English and prefer oral language. I suppose my preference is unusual in that I actually teach ASL as an alternative foreign language part-time. However, I do not associate myself with the Deaf (note the capital D) as I use my voice to talk in public. When I had jury duty this last year, the Frederick County court system had a CART reporter for me to use during that time. It was a very positive experience for both Chloe and I, as the courthouse doesn’t get a lot of service dogs either.

Having a CI and meeting a Deaf person

For lack of a better way to explain it, I have been “mistreated” far more often by the culturally Deaf than I ever have been by people with normal hearing. I’m not sure if it is distinctive to our area of the country, or if the attitude is nationwide now. However, it seems the culturally Deaf as a whole tend to feel pretty threatened by cochlear implants. I suppose I make it worse in that I wear “bling” on my CI, and my hearing aid has a bright red ear mold. I wear my hair up in part, because I really am NOT ashamed of my disability, but also because it helps me in the long run should I miss something someone says. They can immediately see that I “hear differently”. Many culturally Deaf are afraid that if those born deaf are implanted between the ages of 10 months and 2 years (indicative of the current trend) that their very culture is being threatened. Nine out of every 10 infants identified with hearing loss are born to hearing parents. These parents are often choosing the safe, non-invasive surgery of a cochlear implant to give their child the best opportunity at oral language. I don’t believe ASL is in any danger of becoming extinct, however, because there will always be Deaf children born to Deaf parents who chose ASL. The Deaf have worked long and hard for equal access and equal rights and have a rich history and long-term success at being identified as a culture.

I have been stopped in stores and handed notes by the Deaf asking why I would choose a cochlear implant. “What is wrong with Deaf?” I put the notes down and sign to them (making their eyes pop open wide), and explain that I was born with normal hearing and that my choice allowed me to continue to participate in the same way that I was born. Some get angry and stomp away, and some try to argue. Only one or two have ever said that I had a right to my choice and that they respect that. The vast majority of encounters were not “pretty”. Most encounters involve the middle finger! (from them… not me!) I’ll never forget waiting for my daughter at Pet Smart, and a Deaf couple stopped and pointed to me and began signing to their son (who was hearing I believe) that “sad, not right. people embrace ‘who they are’, God finish create – appreciate, accept”. I signed to the parents and little boy, that the only “shame” was when people could not make individual choices that they feel is in their own best interests and that choice be respected by others. (At least they had the grace to turn red).

Don’t get me wrong. I love ASL, and use it far more than many HoH people do. However ASL is not my native language. It is not the language of the group of Americans with hearing loss that I have chosen to identify myself with since losing my hearing.

Why are the oral deaf not as visible as the culturally Deaf?

The culturally Deaf have learned to stand up for their rights and have learned to be proud of who they are and accept it without reservation. The HoH crowd, however, tend to buy the hearing aid, and then refuse to even acknowledge they have a hearing loss. They often try to keep it hidden and rarely admit to someone that they may be struggling to hear in a poor listening environment. They may rarely disclose that they have a hearing loss at work, church, etc. They often do not identify with even having a disability. Why is this I wonder? HLAA and AGBell are wonderful organizations for those with hearing loss. Yet, the vast majority of members are those whose hearing loss has become so poor, that it has really begun to affect their lives. In desperation they reach out for the support and information that they need. I often wonder why those who have a mild to moderate loss never seek out organizations like this? I suppose it is because they “get by” just fine. If their hearing loss is not progressive, they choose to live life without the added help and membership of organizations like this. I cannot cast stones, for I did not seek out help until my hearing loss had reached the point that I needed help.

I was pleasantly surprised a couple of weeks ago, to attend an open-captioned Star Trek movie at our local theater. The room was packed, and I only saw a handful of people signing. I saw plenty of hearing aids and cochlear implants. I think it is so important to support showings of feature films with open-captioning. I always thank the theater manager in person or via email. Many in attendance were the hearing spouses, family or friends. My children have grown up with closed captioning, and actually have trouble watching television without it. I never have to twist arms to get my hearing family to attend an open-captioned movie. When you’ve distinct Russian accents and alien tongues in a movie like Star Trek, you can bet that those with normal hearing got more out of the movie thanks to open-captioning!

Many of the organizations who serve those who have a hearing loss and are oral are in financial difficulty. They’ve been that way for over a decade and with the current economy they aren’t due for a major influx of cash or membership. They often have difficulty obtaining grants. My personal opinion is that they should do a major overhaul in the way they reach out to those with hearing loss. They need to change the way they try to raise an interest in order to gain membership. The majority of people with hearing loss do not have a significant loss. These organizations certainly shouldn’t turn their backs on those with significant hearing loss, but new programs and ideas should center around how to raise awareness among those with a mild to moderate loss. Things like the hearing aid tax credit are a step in the right direction as everyone will appreciate some financial help for the expense of hearing aids. The only problem with this tax credit, is that it will be years before it is available to all age groups regardless of their health coverage. I believe more effort should be in providing information to this largely untapped group. What can be done to provide helpful information to this group? What programs can be developed to help them at work, church, and in public? I think if the struggling non-profits who are membership based reach out to this group, it will help to raise awareness. How could it not? The majority of those with hearing loss (those who are oral), will be finally identified as a cohesive group of individuals striving for equal access, and recognition. How do you help a group of people who want to remain invisible, to see the value in becoming a visible and active group? I don’t know the answers to these questions.

I sign when I misunderstand

Although I identify with the oral hearing loss community, I have something rather humorous to share. If I am trying to communicate with someone who has a heavy foreign accent, or with someone in a very poor listening environment (like a mall or restaurant), I tend to sign while I’m talking. It really tickles my kids, for I have tried to communicate with someone who only speaks Spanish and found that I started to sign and voice when I discovered I couldn’t understand them. My daughter has told me that she can tell it is totally unconscious, that she can see me just naturally start to sign when I cannot hear well or understand someone’s speech. My family has actually learned to step up to help when they see me signing as they know that I read their lips and “hear their voices” better. They know if I start signing, that I’m not hearing very well. Sometimes I sign when I’m really tired… fatigue causes me to not hear as well. I asked my husband (who has devoted six years of his life to the hearing loss community in the past) why he thinks it is that I sign when I’m not hearing well. He’s a psychologist and likes to be asked “what do you think?” He believes that it is not that I am switching identities or loyalties by starting to sign in a “pinch”. He thinks it’s a subconsious decision and acknowledgement that I’m not hearing well. He said that other HoH people who don’t hear well stop and say “huh?” or “fake it”. He said that because I know ASL, I start to sign. He’s stepped up to wide-eyed friends with normal hearing and simply said, “perhaps you should find a quieter place to talk… Denise is having trouble. See? She’s signing!”

I do wish the oral hearing loss community could erase the stigma associated with hearing loss. Would it be that we could develop a positive internal locus of control and believe that we are valuable and viable adults in spite of hearing loss. I wish… I wish we could REALLY find our voice.

Denise Portis

Rain, Little Debbies, Saving a Turtle and Home & School Connection

Published on June 4, 2009June 4, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

Rain

The farm girl from rural Colorado would never complain about the rain. I don’t mind days like today as it saved me from having to water my flowers, and sweep the deck. I do get a bit whiney when it rains day after day, for I’m usually crawling around the house by Day 3. As it is suppose to be sunny this weekend, I find I’m in a good enough mood to write about the rain in a positive way! I “met” another person with Meniere‘s online through our blogs about 2 weeks ago who fears weather systems as much as I do. It seems very little is “the same” about symptoms of Meniere’s.

What to do with a dog when you can’t go outside and chuck balls for them to chase? Our poor Elkhound, Tyco, really looks forward to his daily scrambles after the ball. He and Chloe have been looking forlornly out at the deck.

Little Debbies

I had to make a quick run to the grocery store this morning to tide us over until my bigger grocery shopping trip on Monday. You know how you need one more trip to get the things you forgot? And I shop with a LIST! How does that happen?

A member of my family is going on a picnic Saturday, so I had written down Little Debbies. My dad worked at the factory in Chatanooga that made the creme that goes in the oatmeal cakes when he was in college! How is that for a random tidbit of Intel? Anywho… I bent down to grab the box, and had a major head rush. Everything went black for a second, so I did what any person with Meniere’s would do… I dropped everything and sat. Chloe sat next to me in the aisle and we both looked at that box. She was wagging her tail, I think in part because she knew I was going to need her help. She is always so eager to help out, it is almost comical! I used the cart to stand, and then pointed to the box and said,

“Chloe… fetch box”. She checked to make sure that I was pointing to the box, and went to retrieve it. Little Debbie boxes are kind of heavy (all that CREME ya know?) and the cardboard is cheap so it gives… it isn’t stiff. It took her a couple of tries, but she finally got it up off the ground and into my hand. Her tail wag indicated she knew she had really accomplished something. When I got home, I tried to take a picture of her retrieving the box, but Tyco got in the way. Oh well… you get the idea…

Saving a Turtle

I’ve always called Chris, “Eagle Eyes”, because he has always had a knack for spotting things the rest of us seem to overlook. Last night he went out to the front to bring the trashcan back around back. He saw some birds swooping down on something in the grass. He went to investigate and found this turtle. He was covered in thick mud and hightailed it across the cul-de-sac. Have you ever seen a turtle “high tailing it”? Me either! This one could MOVE. Anyway, we carried it two blocks south of us to the creek and set it free. Thank goodness for Chris’s “Eagle Eyes”, for this guy looked in bad shape as he was so far from water!

Home & School Connection

Kyersten has worked at the Home & School Connection for three years. She looks so cute in her little apron! She doesn’t really like to be called “cute” at 19-years-old though. At least… not by her mother. It’s a very cool store. There is one in Hagerstown as well. If you’ve never been, you’ll have to drop by… and at the very least bug Kyersten! They sell some pretty cool things. I almost bought a praying mantis set. They send you some praying mantis eggs and everything! I decided against it when I saw what they ate. How in the heck do you catch aphids for a praying mantis?

Denise Portis

Learning NOT to be Afraid

Published on June 3, 2009June 4, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

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React with Calm

Last night Frederick, Maryland, experienced a violent thunderstorm. As I remove my cochlear implant at night to sleep, you might wonder how I came to this knowledge? Well… I’m deaf, but I’m not blind. Our bedroom was lit up with light again and again with what seemed like only seconds between strikes. I reached over and tapped my husband and mumbled out, “Lightning”. I think he said something in response, but in the dark I could only guess that it was something along the lines of “no kidding?”

Chloe, my assistance dog, sleeps in her bed right next to me. She acts as my alarm clock in the morning (although there are days I wish she had a snooze button), so her proximity is key. During the storm, I could see from the light bursting into the room that she was asleep on her bed. Not only was she ASLEEP, but she was laying on her back belly up. This is her “I’m very, very relaxed” position. The storm was so violent, the hair on my arm was standing straight up, and eventually our power was knocked out. Chloe slept through it all.

Many dogs are afraid of thunderstorms. I did not know Chloe when she was a puppy but from what I know of Fidos For Freedom, they make certain their puppy raisers know how to use calming signals to help dogs feel more relaxed in stressful situations. Dogs are many times conditioned to be afraid of thunderstorms. Sure, they have terrific hearing and startle at the sound of thunder. However saying, “poor dear” and babying them when they appear afraid will only condition them to continue to feel fear.

Arachnophobia

I have been afraid of spiders as long as I can remember. I have some “stories” to tell, but it would take several boring posts to relay them all. I can’t leave out the one when I almost jumped out of a moving vehicle 7 months pregnant because a spider was crawling up the windshield! Or the time I walked through a spider web and went screaming into the woods only to careen into a tall oak? Yup… I have plenty of spider stories. A post where I discuss it further can be found here.

I have learned in my 43-years of “living”, that if I try to react in a calm way towards things that frighten me, I will be much better off. About a year ago, I caught sight of a spider flying through the air from the top of our old refrigerator to land in the laundry room sink. I screamed one short squeal, and then stood and pointed. My two teens and husband came running to see what had caused me to scream. All I could do was point to the sink. My husband peered into the sink while I attempted to keep my bladder from emptying. As I still was unable to do anything more than point, he turned on the faucet. A silver-dollar-sized, black hairy spider came crawling up out of the drain.

“Holy, 8-legged FREAK, Batman!” yelled my husband who watched a lot of old superhero t.v. shows.

Over time, I have learned to react with CALM so that I will not be so afraid (and eliminate the possibility of injury). I can’t go to Catoctin Wildlife Preserve and enter their “creepy crawlies” building to oooh and ahhh over spiders big enough to suck the brains out of your head. However, I can now look at a spider and scoop him up and toss him outside, or find an old shoe if the pathway to the door seems like a “galaxy far, far away”. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, and I am far less arachnophobic now compared to where I was.

Why Learn?

Life is short. There are a number of very scary things in life. Where I have the will and the power to do so, I have chosen to be more calm and face my fears.

I don’t fear death. I am secure in where I’ll be one second after my last breath.

I don’t fear deafness and disability. I have found support, help and satisfaction in my life.

I don’t fear growing older. The longer I live, the better I like myself.

I don’t fear financial security. God has seen my family and I through tough times already.

I don’t fear spiders. Unless they are on my person.

I don’t fear thunderstorms. I’m “belly up” in blissful ignorance of a storm overhead.

Don’t let fear shorten your life. It will if you let it.

Denise Portis

What’s Mine is Yours – What’s Yours is Yours (Most of the Time!)

Published on May 28, 2009May 28, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

Sharing some things is not difficult for Chloe

Sharing “Stuff”

Having an assistance dog, means that I should strive to understand the “pack” in which I’ve brought Chloe to live. An assistance dog is not ever suppose to be “pack leader”. That’s my job, and the hierarchy trickles down through various family members until the canine members of the pack are finally represented. I’m not sure an assistance dog should be “head honcho” of the canine crew, but frankly the dogs in our family could never be “leader”.

Tyco, our Elkhound adolescent and family dog, is a major pushover and adores the ground on which Chloe treads. He follows her around with major PUPPY LOVE written all over his face. It practically oozes from ever pore of his wiggle, curly-tailed body. He’d let her eat his food, and sleep in his bed and simply lick her with infatuation while stepping aside to let her do so. I have to keep an “eye on it”, as she would take advantage if I let her!

Gingery’s Baby Pegasus (or Peg for short) is a naked juvenile ex-show dog with a shock of flashy white hair in all the right places. Frankly… I don’t think Chloe is completely certain he even IS a dog. When he barks, all the dogs stop dead in their tracks to turn and observe. Chloe will share her bed with Pegasus; after all, who can say no to a shivering “ain’t got no hair”, pack member?

Ebony is an ancient, black Pomeranian who sleeps 22 hours a day. When she walks I can hear her bones creak, and folks? I’m deaf. She has an enlarged heart, cancer “somewhere”, collapsing trachea, alopecia, kidney disease, and she’s deaf and blind. One drops like a rock if the “little bit” should happen to breathe on you. Chloe doesn’t have any problem sharing with her, for frankly she rarely sees her.

Chloe shares with the other dogs very well, and she shares with one of the three cats like Kiki is her best friend come over for “milk and cookies” and girly talk.

One thing Chloe will not share is the loveseat in the family room, and her walks with me. The latter I don’t mind, for honestly I haven’t a clue how I’d walk yet one more dog as I have enough problems walking with just Chloe on really bad balance days. The “MY LOVESEAT” in the family room gets a little old sometimes. I watch television (thanks to TIVO’d programing) about twice a week. When we go to the family room, Chloe knows I’m there for an hour or two and I give her a major “love on” scratch, massage, and belly rub the entire time we share that seat. It’s a wonder I don’t have carpal tunnel. If any dog even comes close to the loveseat she growls a threat and a row of hair stands up along her spine that has my daughter convinced she’s part Rhodesian Ridgeback. I let her know that growling is simply not allowed. I can’t very well fuss at her for giving a “look” if any dog creeps too close, but by golly they have sure learned to respect that knowing LOOK. As there are plenty of comfy and warm places to curl up all over our family room, I don’t worry to much that anyone is being neglected.

People normally have a fairly good idea what can be shared. It normally begins long before kindergarten, and we learn that sharing is “nice” and it makes mama happy. As we get older, sharing is still one of those ingrained rules but we do draw the line at items regarding hygiene, or perhaps requested Double-Stuffed Oreos when one is responsibile enough to write it on the list. (I added that last part for a 19-year-old daughter that rarely requests anything, and even more rarely writes it on the list to be purchased and then practically HIDES her stash!) People who share are defined as “giving, generous, considerate, charitable, unselfish and magnanimous”. (Actually, that last word has never actually crossed my lips, but it certainly looks appropriate!)

Sharing Feelings

Dogs just do not seem to have any trouble sharing feelings. If their entire body has gone “all a-wag”, you know they are happy. If they avoid eye contact and look away, they are feeling nervous and uneasy. If they stick their hind end in the air they want to play. If they bring you their leash and sit and stare at you until you “notice”, they may be trying to share their joy of exercise. Dogs rarely have trouble opening up, and if you are really good at it, canine body language can really help you get to know your dog. (Thanks to trainer Tracy at Fidos For Freedom, I’m a big fan of Canine Body Language – A Photographic Guide by Brenda Aloff).

People are more difficult to read, and often have trouble sharing feelings. People have to practice being vulnerable and readable. I’ve been reading the daily journal at Caring Bridge from a fellow mom who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She doesn’t have any trouble sharing her feelings, and frankly I’m often compelled to sit and reflect after reading what she views as most important on any given day.

I’ve a friend whom I’ve knitted my heart too for simply experiencing disability and life much as I do. (Small wonder THAT being that I cannot knit, but only crochet). She shares her feelings in two different blogs, and for a moment in time I’m sitting along side her seeing, hearing, tasting, and experiencing everything that she is. She’s THAT good at writing.

If you’ve lived enough of life, you know that it isn’t always safe to share your feelings. Tragic that we live in the kind of world that we do where there are situations that warrants keeping your feelings hidden. All of us know someone who is “toxic” to our lives. They’ve burned us so many times, we have scar tissue. When they are around we don a hazmat suit and deliberately hide who we are to them in hopes they’ll simply leave as quickly as possible. If we were a dog, we’d yawn and look away and pant nervously. Since we are people we smile and “play nice”, collapsing against the door in relief after we’ve seen them off.

Yes, we all have people like this in our lives, but something we should stop and think about is, “Are you this person to another?” May it never be said that someone waits anxiously for me to leave because I’m dangerous to their well being.

Sharing Faith

Why is it so difficult to share something that is so important? My faith is the single most important area of my life. Why? It SAVED my life. I don’t use religion as a crutch, for the truth of the matter is my faith freed me from a lot of negative things. I don’t think being a person of faith makes me a weak person, for people who have REAL faith are normally very strong. (Not that I don’t have my weak moments!)

My son loves “The Rebelution” and has read the book, joined the “cause” and challenges himself to make a difference in the lives of those who are IN HIS. A “funny”, yet true video clip posted there recently really made me think. You can view it here.

I hope that when people spend any time with me at all, it doesn’t take them long to learn the following:

1. I have a disability, and am ok with it. I wouldn’t change it if I could.

2. I love dogs, and welcome the addtion of an assistance dog in my life. She gives me independence.

3. I have a cochlear implant and don’t care who sees it. As a matter of fact seeing it will remind you that I don’t hear like you do.

4. I love my family, and joyfully color my hair to disguise all the gray hair living and loving them have brought.

5. I love others, and may unexpectedly throw my arms around your neck to prove it true.

6. I love my God, and do not mind sharing why my faith is so important to me.

7. It doens’t bother me if you believe differently than I do. I respect others, and have found most people respect my views as well.

8. I like green tea, white cheddar popcorn and blackberries.

(Actually I just threw #8 in to confuse you. If you knew this already, then we are pretty TIGHT).

The best kind of faith sharing is that which simply “happens” because you are living life as you always do. I want my faith to be such a natural “side-effect” of Denise, it just naturally creeps up and gooses you from time to time.

Denise Portis

B.A.R.C.

Published on May 18, 2009May 28, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

Saturday, Chloe and I headed to the training center at Fidos For Freedom in Laurel, MD. Kyersten came with us which was a real treat as she normally has a ton of schoolwork to do, or has to work.

Fidos For Freedom is blessed with a great variety of personalities and people who volunteer in the training department. Kim, an apprentice trainer, is one of the newer faces in the training department. She co-led the client chat with Tracy on Saturday. Saturday consists of 1 hour of training, and then a 1/2 hour “client chat”. The “chat” is usually a topic discussing problems/issues of an event coming up, or perhaps a client has had access issues, or other problem that week that the group as a whole can discuss. I always get a lot out of the “chats”.

Kim is a trainer, who just so happens to have a disability herself. She shared with us that as people with a disability, it is important to know what your own personal limits are. If you don’t know your limits, you can quickly get to the point where you aren’t able to take care of yourself or your valuable partner. Many disabilities are invisible. Other people often are not able to tell when you’ve reached a limit. She graciously gave me permission to share her list with you:

Basic Awareness Reality Check (B.A.R.C.)

1. Check in with yourself, physically and mentally – What are your early warning signs? Identify early warning signs that signal you are reaching your physical and/or mental limits.

2. Make a list, put it where you can see it, to have available for those times when it’s hard to remember.

3. What might cause you to not listen to your “body”/”mind”? Ignoring those early warning signs? (i.e., feeling guilty, feeling that you “should” do something, wanting to “not give in to the disability”… etc., worrying about what other people will think?, not wanting to let someone down or disappoint them.)

4. List at least 3 things you do to take care of yourself. (Things that help you mentally or physically.) Make it a point to do at least 1 of the 3 daily.

5. It’s reasonable to remember that the list can change over time… as bodies age, or disabilities wax or wane… during times of illness… remember to check in with yourself, and update/change the list as needed.

6. Ask for feedback, from family members, friends, for things you might not recognize.

7. Practice letting people know, when you are having a harder time, rather than “hiding or covering up” your disability/illness, and how it’s effecting you.

8. Practice what you would need to say, during times when you are feeling better, just to get in some practice, before you actually really NEED to do it.

9. Ask yourself: Are you taking as good care of yourself as you do of your dog? Clients, trainers, people, deserve the same kind of attention, and recognition of limits, as they give to their dogs. Remember, You cannot take care of your dog, if you do not take care of yourself.

Denise Portis

To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before…

Published on May 14, 2009May 14, 2009 by hearingelmo7 Comments

startrekcrewbanner

I finished my research paper an entire day early, so the family and I headed for the movie theatre on Mother’s Day. Hubby and I have always been Star Trek fans, although the past couple of movies almost had me hangin’ my “fan hat” up for good!

Bottom line? TWO THUMBS UP

What a great movie! There was a great deal of scifi action, and some pretty funny moments as well! Word of caution to those with hearing loss… wait for it to come out on open caption if you’ve any hope of understanding 17-year-old Chekov. Our own local theater has open captioned films, so I’m keeping my eyes peeled for when it might include Star Trek.

There’s a Dog in Here

Chloe is quite accustomed to going to the movies. I go about once a month, although sometimes it stretches to two months if there isn’t anything decent showing. Occasionally, I’ll hear someone say, “there’s a dog in here!” Many times a parent will take the opportunity to discuss “helper dogs” to a child, and occasionally people ask to pet Chloe. I always say “sorry, but no… catch me outside and I’ll take her vest off and you can pet her”. No one ever “catches me” outside. The hardest part about taking her to the movies is actually my own fear, not hers. When you have balance problems, it is very difficult to go –

Up stairs

in the dark

with “runway lights”

in a cavernous room.

Chloe is use to my shuffle step going up and down steps. She patiently plods along and adjusts her proximity to whether or not she feels me wobbling. I suppose I get a little aggravated when someone seated along the aisle tries to get her attention. Perhaps I shouldn’t blame folks because Chloe is beautiful and friendly and it’s hard to ignore her. But if the person on the other end of the leash has a death grip on the handrail, a worried husband with his hand on her back, and a 6′ 3″ son clearing the path in front, would YOU bother the assistance dog? Her vest says, “Do not Pet”, and in case people miss the meaning, she also wears a large tag on the side that says “Do not Distract”. Actually, I’ve learned a great tip.

When Chloe is being distracted by someone who just doesn’t know better, I carry on a dialogue with Chloe. I usually say something like, “Oh Chloe, please stay close! I’m really dizzy and if I fall, I’ll break my neck!” I say all of this in a really pleasant voice, and Chloe just wags her tail and continues up the stairs. Well “normally” whatever hand was trying to call her over to be petted, drops as fast as their jaw does. Most people get the fact they could be the cause of a “fall down and go BOOM“. Chloe doesn’t care at all that I’m fussin’, because I’m doing so in a pleasant voice. If she doesn’t hear a word she recognizes, she thinks I’m just babbling along to her like I usually do.(Yeah… I babble – sue me!)

I then put down her blanket and she is usually out for the duration of the movie. I try very hard not to drop popcorn on her head, as this will very likely cause her to stir. She rarely moves around during a movie, so I was surprised when she sat up to look at the screen at one point. The young Kirk was being chased by some kind of growling snow beast. She had to check out if it was a dog I guess. The theater was really crowded. Right as the movie was starting a lady came over and said, “is that seat taken?” It was dark and the movie was already loud. She couldn’t see Chloe at my feet.

I said loudly, “SERVICE DOG”.

She said, “Oh! It’s broken?” and went to find another vacant seat. I think even folks with normal hearing have trouble hearing in the dark with a lot of background noise.

Hey? Have you ever seen a dog on Star Trek? (Scratchin’ my head and ponderin’ on it…) I saw a cat once that belonged to Data. Went by the name of “Spot”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog, however! Not even when the crew was hangin’ out on Earth. Are dogs extinct in the future? Perish the thought!

(yeah… the southern comes out once in awhile)

live long

Denise Portis

Graduation Fidos For Freedom 2009

Published on April 28, 2009May 28, 2009 by hearingelmo4 Comments

My “speech” is below the pictures…

Chloe has had a "crush" on our photographer for a long time. This "shoot" was hard for her!

It's hard to wait under a table for 2 hours with other dogs when there is a long tablecloth!

Denise gives a speech w/ Chloe in a down/stay. Puppy Raiser L, Trainer at R of Denise

Listening to the therapy dogs being "caped"

our graduate board... someone did a great job

I’m so excited to be here this evening, graduating with Chloe from Fidos For Freedom’s training program. Chloe and I have been working together for almost two years now and it’s pretty exciting to finally be attending the Tux & Tails Banquet as a graduate!

Tonight is a night of thanks, and I wanted to take the time to include my own. First of all, I wanted to thank Chloe’s sponsor, Judy. The training of these special pups all begins with their sponsorship. I’ve had the privilege of seeing Chloe’s sponsor at a number of events, and I’m thankful there are people out there who agree to pay for the supplies, vet bills and other expenses while these special puppies are being trained. All this is made possible by the generous heart of a sponsor. Thank you Judy!

I wanted to thank Chloe’s Puppy Raiser, Linda Odom. Linda has raised numerous puppies for Fidos, and she raised my Chloe as well. Chloe still recognizes and adores Linda. In the beginning, everyone guessed that Chloe must be a beagle mix, but she continued to grow larger and larger. I have a picture of Linda holding Chloe when she was still a puppy, but not a lot smaller than she is now! Believe, me she had her hands FULL! Not just literally either, but figuratively as well! I have been told by training staff that Chloe was a very incorrigible puppy. Annette told me once that she put Chloe in a sit/stay and walked deliberately away for a long recall. When she turned to call Chloe, it seemed Chloe had disappeared! One quick look down was all it took to see the happy tail wag greeting from this puppy that had followed her quietly the whole way.

Pat Jarvis, my trainer and Chloe’s trainer, told me that they continued to see “glimpses of what might be” in Chloe. As she matured, and began to finally grow up, they were finally seeing the working dog in her that they’d hoped for. When I first began working with Chloe, she seemed to respond very well to me. Things weren’t perfect, but then I had worked with Nordic a great deal, so she was hard pressed to compare. The longer we worked together, the more attached we became. She was just as excited to see me at training sessions as I was to see her.

One Wednesday night in January of 2007, Pat put me with Chloe to work and then later called me back to the conference room. She told me that they were going to match Chloe tonight. I managed to squeak out, “With me?” I almost tackled Pat I was so excited!

Chloe has traveled with me to conferences and speaking engagements, and represents Fidos so well. In our short time together, she has alerted me to a fire in our basement, and has alerted me to literally thousands of phone calls, timer alerts, and other sounds around me that I do not hear. With help from Pat, Ann and Tracy, I was able to teach Chloe some additional skills to help me with my balance. I teach part time, and Chloe loves to be in the classroom. I’m fairly certain some of my students drop papers and pencils on purpose so that Chloe will come and pick them up for them.

Before I had Chloe, I never went anywhere without someone in my family with me. Even going to stores was extremely intimidating, because I would often not hear if people needed to get by me. If I dropped something on the floor on a rainy day and my balance was bad, it was really difficult to pick it up without passing out. Now that Chloe is my partner, we go everywhere together. If I drop something… NO PROBLEM. Chloe picks it up with a happy tail wag and is always eager to assist. She alerts me to sounds like someone needing by, intercoms, buzzers and more.

To those who sponsored this little red-head puppy – I thank you.

To every person who had a part in helping Chloe the puppy, investigate new sights, sounds and smells – I thank you.

To every person who acted as a vacation home for this lovable, mischievous puppy – I thank you.

To my family who allowed me to take time for myself in order to train for Chloe – I thank you. I have spent many miles on the road from Frederick.

To every trainer who had a part in teaching Chloe the skills she now uses so naturally – I thank you. Thank you for seeing past the frustrating little puppy to the lovely and intelligent working dog that Chloe is. Because of each of YOU, Chloe and I have this wonderful, unique relationship only found in the partnership of person and dog. THANK YOU.

Denise Portis