assistance dogs – Page 6

Rainy Day Frustrations

Published on April 20, 2009April 20, 2009 by hearingelmoLeave a comment

Chloe doesn't like it when it rains either, for it means "no walk"!

Today it is pouring rain. The “farmer’s daughter” in me would never complain about the fact we are receiving rain, but I do have to admit to not being to excited to see it first thing in the morning. A quick look at the forecast reminds me to get my cane. It’s going to be this way for a few days!

Having Meniere’s is challenging at times. I was “vertical” for all of 27 minutes this morning before I fell the first time. Now, honestly you’d think by now I’d see rain… grab the cane… and “play safe” all day. But I can be stubborn when I’ve a lot to do, and tend to leave my cane “somewhere”. Chloe will retrieve it for me without any qualms, unless she has to go through a doorway. It can be hard for a medium-size assistance dog at 62 pounds, to drag a cane that is several feet long!

I think that the Meniere’s disease “gets on my last nerve” more than the hearing loss even. I’ve had a hearing loss for almost 18 years now. The Meniere’s is a “new” diagnosis of less than five years. I suppose one day, I will be as ease with it as I am with being deaf.

Wednesday DEMO at AACC

Wednesday, Chloe and I will be with Fidos For Freedom to give a DEMO at my daughter’s community college. Chloe loves doing DEMOS. I’m hoping we will have some “sun peeking through” by Wednesday. AACC is a beautiful campus and is very accessible for those with disabilities. I’m looking forward to it!

Denise Portis

Meniere’s Help

Published on April 1, 2009April 1, 2009 by hearingelmo5 Comments

harpers-ferry-may-07-on-stairs2

Today is a rainy, dreary day. I actually love the rain, because it makes everything so green and keeps me from having to water everything! However, when it’s rainy I do take the extra time to “walk safely”. I’m extra careful on stairs, and I stand up slowly. I don’t do anything in a “hurry” that might move my head’s altitude quickly!

Chloe loves to pick things up for me, so I think when she sees me wake up with a little bit of “weave” to my step, she’s actually looking forward to a day of retrieving “every little thing”. Sometimes I don’t need the gum wrapper, or leaf brought in on the bottom of someone’s tennis shoe, but I thank her and praise her just the same. Actually, it’s probably good she brings me everything, for our Elkhound teenager will eat everything!

Meniere’s is not a disease widely known. Even amongst the hearing loss “crowd”, it is just beginning to get a little more “press”. Here are some of my favorite “Meniere’s helps”:

Hearing Loss Web: http://www.hearinglossweb.com/Medical/Meniere/mn.htm

NIDCD: http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/balance/meniere.asp

The Meniere’s Page: http://oto2.wustl.edu/men/

Meniere’s Organization: http://www.menieres.org/

Denise Portis

It’s Not Enough

Published on March 29, 2009March 29, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

Denise and Chloe wait for Kyersten to show up at the airport

It’s Not Enough to Love Me

You know Chloe loves people. Chloe loves her trainer and people she knows at Fidos For Freedom. Chloe loves the people I work with and she loves her family. Chloe loves me, and it just isn’t difficult at all for me to “love her back”.

But you know something? It’s not enough for Chloe to simply love me. She’s a working dog, and has a job to do. If all she did was “love me”, I’d still love her as well… but then she’d just be a pet. It is my opinion that even PETS should have good manners, so we teach and enforce basic obedience at home. If Chloe doesn’t obey me at home and when we go out, she isn’t going to be able to do her job.

Because of her job description, it’s not enough for Chloe to love me. She has a job to do and must understand and obey commands. She has learned skills that alert me to sounds that I do not hear, and she assists me by picking up things I’ve dropped. I have a job as well. I not only have to keep her safe, but it is my responsibility to make sure the skills that she has learned are practiced and honed.

It’s great that Chloe loves me, but I have to tell ya… when she obeys a command or successfully performs a skill she has learned and I praise her? She just puffs up and BEAMS with a warmth so bright, that it reaches all the way to my heart and warms me as well.

Distractions Can Interfere

Friday we went to the airport to pick up my daughter who was returning from her spring break in Florida. I put Chloe in a sit/stay, but her paws kept slipping on the slick floor. To make it a little easier for her to succeed at “staying”, I put her in a down/stay. I was really surprised for two seconds to go by and see her POP UP. I didn’t repeat the command, but gently tugged her collar towards the floor until she remembered she was suppose to be in a down/stay. She only stayed there for another two seconds.

I raised my eyebrows and caught my husbands eye. He walked over from where he was sitting to stand nearer to where Chloe and I were. (I don’t think Dads feel compelled to be able to see the doorway from which an absentee child will be coming like a Mom does!)

He said, “Denise, you know the luggage conveyor belt is making a LOT of noise, right? It is buzzing a warning every few seconds to let people know that more luggage is coming up the conveyor”

Oh. Well, umm… NO. I didn’t know that. But at least I knew what was distracting Chloe from being in a down/stay. In order to put her mind at ease, I got down closer to her level and put her in a sit/stay. Now I could feel her tremble every time “that noise” sounded. She just needed a “pat” and “encouragement” that all was going to be ok. She needed to feel my hand.

It’s Not Enough to Love Him

You know? It’s not enough that I love God. I can go around and tell people about how much I love God, but if I am not obeying Him… not fulfilling a purpose for my life, I’m really no good to Him. Sure, He’ll love me back, because that’s what God does… it’s what He is. But if I don’t live my life in such a way that I am obedient to Him, and follow His commands that are MEANT to make me useful to Him, then I’m just one of His kids that happens to love Him.

I want to have a life that counts for something. I want a purpose, and want to make a difference. I want God to use me. If I’m not obeying Him – not loving others, forgiving, being kind, tender-hearted, understanding, etc., then He can’t really use me.

When I know I’m living my life in such a way that He can use me, I know He just looks down with praise. I just puff up and BEAM with a warmth so bright, that I know it’s a reflection of Him.

Distractions Can Interfere

Sometimes I allow worries, problems with other people, or relationships interfere with living my life in such a way that I’m being used by God in a positive way. Sometimes the distractions are really negative things, like extreme bigotry or someone’s prejudice. I don’t care for mean people, and I can very easily allow them to drag me down into a long-term commitment to despise, plot to get even, or wish their downfall.

The reality? A distraction is a distraction. If I’m distracted, I’m not doing Him any good. I’m not doing what He’s called me to do. I can’t make a difference to any one else if I’m distracted by things that do not matter. I’m really glad that I have a personal relationship with God that is ‘real’. I don’t look at God as this impersonal Authority “up there” who rules and controls. When I’m distracted and no good to Him, He gets down and CLOSER. He puts his hand on my back and can feel me tremble. He comforts me and then “I’m good”. I can go back to “work” and do what He’s called me to do. It only takes a touch from His hand.

Denise Portis

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

Published on March 8, 2009March 8, 2009 by hearingelmo8 Comments

Major tail wag... guess who isn't normally allowed up here?

face-to-face-0021 — What's a dog to do when YOU are down THERE?

Limited by YOUR Barriers

I’ve gone “round and round” about even sharing this with you, as I’ve already caught a lot of GRIEF from my beloved family. I decided to go ahead and post about it, however, because I did learn some things about myself and limitations.

About a week and a half ago, I got what SEEMED like a wonderful idea. I was sitting on my deck drinking my morning tea in the brisk air. Not a cloud in the sky, which meant I was going to have a “good balance day“. Chloe was dozing at my feet. The kids were still in bed. I had a great night’s sleep.

For the past several weeks I had noticed a dead vine hanging on the corner of my house. I also noticed that it was level with the deck in my backyard. Being the intelligent woman that I am (clears throat) I ALSO noticed that it was within arm’s reach of my deck if one was but to “lean a little”. When I first noticed it, my thought was that “I need to get Terry to remove that vine. It bugs me”.

Well sitting there on my deck and feeling particularly FINE, I decided that I would reach around the corner of the deck and grab the vine and jerk it off. Eyesore gone… and I didn’t even have to bother Terry!

Now our deck has a barricade at the staircase, because the stairs are dangerously steep. We plan to replace our deck in the next year, and my biggest “plan of action” is to make a more gradual staircase to the yard below. For now it is barricaded so dogs do not injure themselves going 100 mph down the stairs. (It also keeps ME from thinking I can descend it safely!)

I told Chloe, “Chloe STAY. I’m going to just step over here and grab this vine.”

As soon as I put my leg over the rail of the deck she SHOT out of her sit/stay and looked at me with “fear and trembling“. If she could have said, “What the HECK are ya doin’?” she would have!

I perched on the rail and pointed my finger at her and said, “Chloe! Sit! Down! STAY!” She lay there with her forehead all wrinkled up and eyes wide as I slipped my other leg over the rail. I remember thinking, “She is really a piece of WORK! I mean this is easy, it’ll take me 10 seconds!”

That’s the last thought I had.

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

If a person with hearing loss has a balance disorder as well, it just isn’t smart to do things… UP. High. On. Purpose.

Sigh.

I’m not sure how long I was out. When I came too, I could see Chloe barking from the deck above me. She was no longer in a down/stay. (Obviously, I didn’t fuss at her).

I lay there a minute to evaluate “where it hurt“. It only took a second to realize that it was my leg. A stick was poking out of my calf near my ankle and it certainly hurt!

Here’s a picture of:

STUPID:

LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES OF STUPID:

Chloe couldn’t get to me, and was barking like crazy. I couldn’t have been out very long, because I’m sure her barking would have eventually woke up one of my kids. She has a really loud hound bark, (not at ALL feminine!).

Barriers Put Up by ME

As I sat there pulling the stick out of my leg I began to talk to Chloe. As I talked, she stopped barking and just sat there looking down at me with a look of panic on her face.

The real dilemma? All the doors were locked! I was going to have to get to the staircase across the yard, get up the steps and over the semi-permanent barrier we had erected “for safety’s sake”. The door from the deck to the house was the only one unlocked. I could have knocked, but the metal security door under the deck to our laundry room is solid and doesn’t produce a very loud knock.

To make a very long … somewhat boring story – SHORTER (grin), I made it inside. It took me awhile, and I had to find my cochlear implant before even starting on the “trip”! Chloe whined her encouragement the entire way.

My kids were pretty surprised to come upstairs for breakfast to find me with my foot in the air with ice on it. Ok… actually I’m stretching the truth here. My kids know me. They weren’t at ALL surprised to come upstairs to find me with my foot in the air and ice on it.

They DID call dibs on who got to call “Dad” and tell him what happened.

Barriers Can be Good

I put up that barrier for a reason. It should have been a reminder to me just how high off the ground I was. The barrier was to serve as a preventative for descending to the yard below from the deck. By-passing the stairs all together was just a little bit STUPID. That barrier should have served as a reminder AND a preventative.

Sometimes we put up barriers in our lives to protect ourselves. Maybe you’ve learned the hard way to avoid critical people. You put up a block… a barrier to not allow people like that close to you. The barrier can keep people who aren’t “safe” for you emotionally, at a distance that is healthier for YOU.

But why do we sometimes slip a leg over the railing to by-pass the barrier? Why do we seem to embrace people who have a history of causing us emotional duress? Perhaps someone with an expression like Chloe’s, looks on in concern and asks carefully, “do you know what it is you are doing?” Ignoring the possibility that they may be right, you slip your leg over the rail anyway and think, “Gee! They are a piece of WORK!”

Friends? The only work is that long walk “home” after falling on your butt. It may take years even to get back to a healthy place. Almost “home“, and you step over a familiar looking barrier that you had up as a warning and preventative prior to being duped again.

Safe People

Surround yourself with “safe people“. These folks are individuals who bring out the best in you. They love you warts and all. They are an encouragement to you, and cheer lead you to reach for your dreams.

What’s tough is when some of those people who aren’t safe are related to you. There are times you have to interact, but you can learn to do so in a way that they don’t breach even the barriers you put up for them.

I am not encouraging an unforgiving heart either. If someone is truly repentant (meaning they have made a CHANGE) and want to be a friend to you again, you should be willing to trust they mean it. If their efforts fail, however, and they still are a “toxic person”, at least you have the experience and “supplies handy” to put that barrier right back up.

Sigh.

You know the BOOGER of it?

That. Vine. Is. Still. There.

Denise Portis

Look Out Behind You…

Published on January 18, 2009February 3, 2009 by hearingelmo4 Comments

look-out-behind-you-003

look-out-behind-you-0044

Look Out Behind You… and Call Your Dog!

We practice many things at the training center at Fidos For Freedom. At first glance, the exercise may seem time consuming and even confusing. (My kids ask me from time to time exactly HOW are they going to use Geometry in real life? Why do they have to do the practice exercises if they will never use it?)

I have to admit that occasionally I think to myself, that Chloe and I will never use a certain command in public. I wonder from time to time, why we seem to practice some of the commands that we do at the center. I always participate, however, as I have learned to trust the trainers and their judgment in such matters. One exercise we do several times a month is a response to the command, “Look out behind you and call your dog!” Clients are to take a quick look behind them to make sure nothing is in their way. You then take two or three quick steps backwards, and give the formal command “Fido, Come!” to your dog. The dogs have been trained to quickly position themselves in a “sit” in front of you, with their nose facing your stomach. I have very poor peripheral, so a “quick look behind me” has never been an easy task! For me to take two or three “quick” steps backwards, can mean a spill on a day my balance is really “off”.

I have to admit that internally I grumbled from time to time when asked to perform this command on the training floor. Never again…

When Least Expected, It May Come in Handy!

This past Friday, I left the house early to go to Wal-mart. I have a love/hate relationship with Wal-mart. On the one hand… I save quite a bit of money at this store. They tend to have a big selection, carry name brands, and have great sales. On the other hand… the lines are awful, it’s hard to find a place to park, and the stores I go to are often messy. (Not easy to navigate “messy” when pushing a cart with a working dog alongside!)

I have found, however, that if one goes early in the day on a weekday, it isn’t too much of a trial. So Friday morning – bright and early, Chloe and I plus my son Chris, headed to Wal-mart.

Chris went to look for a game that was suppose to be “out”, so Chloe and I headed into the pharmacy section alone. I noticed almost right away that she’d startle, and then cock her head to listen carefully about every three or four feet. I was busy looking for my shampoo, but automatically watched her a little more carefully for any further clues as to what she was hearing. As we neared the end of the aisle, her ears were perked up and she looked nervous. Every few seconds, I caught the sound of “something”, but honestly could not tell for sure what it might be! As we rounded the corner, a harried-looking mother with a couple of youngsters in tow came around the next aisle. The kids were screaming and crying, and one toddler was in a sprint away from mom. The toddler hit the end of my cart head-on with both hands and SHOVED. Two or three seconds before impact, I shot a quick glance over my shoulder and took three frantic steps backwards, and commanded urgently, “Chloe… COME”! Chloe obeyed immediately, even though her attention was on the family. The cart ricocheted off an end-cap of baby oil products. I plucked my purse out of the cart, and put Chloe in “heel” beside me… protected from the main aisle. The mother apologized profusely, and corralled her kids to continue shopping. As soon as she was out of sight, I squatted down to face Chloe and exclaimed:

“Chloe! We Looked Out Behind Us! We did it!” Chloe cocked her head to the side like she does when she’s trying to figure out what I’m saying. (Hmm… was there a command in there that I recognize?) I was positively gleeful… and Chloe? Well she was not exactly sure why I was so VERY excited about a simple “come” command! Her tail gave a half-hearted flop and she wiggled closer… which of course caused me to plop into the floor from my crouched position. I was totally fine with that! I threw my arms around her and explained to her out loud (and likely LOUDLY given the fact that I have a hearing loss…), “Chloe, I never thought we’d use ‘Look Out Behind You‘, and I did it! We used it perfectly! I wasn’t hurt… you weren’t hurt! Hey, it worked perfectly!” In hindsight, I was very likely a little too excited about something rather trivial. Actually by this time I had drawn a small crowd of observers.

A lady reached her hand out and asked, “Can I help you up?”

“Nope”, I responded cheerfully, “that’s what she’s for!” Chloe helped me up with a modified ‘brace’, and I reached over for my cart.

A grandfatherly-looking man stood there watching, and remarked dryly, “she’s better behaved than most kids in here!”

Still on a euphoric “high”, I gushed, “YES! And we did ‘look out behind you‘ perfectly!”

His bemused smile turned to concern and he looked behind him with confusion. I plopped my purse back into the cart and wheeled away with my head in the clouds.

Practice, in Order to be Prepared

Later as I put away groceries and toiletries, I still had a smile a mile wide on my face. I used “Look Out Behind You“! I couldn’t help but chuckle about it even hours later!

You know? It pays to practice things! Think of how practicing even responses to uneducated questions can be helpful! As a person with hearing loss, I have heard some fairly ridiculous questions before. I have also been wounded by rude and simple-minded questions. Yet my response has not always been in such a way that I was able to advocate in a positive way. Sometimes my response, further cemented irrational assumptions by people with normal hearing and balance. Take for example the following:

Why do you talk that way? Do you have a speech impairment?

Wrong answer: “No, stupid! I don’t have a speech impairment, you have a BRAIN impairment!”

Right answer: “Actually I have a profound hearing loss. I can’t hear myself anymore and I know I pronounce things funny sometimes.” (I’m so thankful for my cochlear implant! My speech has dramatically improved, even when I’m really tired!)

Why do you wear your hair up where everyone can see your cochlear implant and hearing aid? Why do you want them to see your disability?

Wrong answer: “It’s none of your business stupid! I can wear my hair the way I want!”

Right answer: Actually I do that so people are aware that I don’t hear well. I don’t want someone to be upset if I don’t answer when called, or answer inappropriately to a question I didn’t hear well. It clues them in right away that if they take some extra time to communicate well, I will likely do just fine!

Why do you still ask for ‘repeats’ and not hear things? I thought the cochlear implant was going to FIX you!

Wrong answer: “I’m not Jamie Sommers, stupid!” (Do you see a recurring pattern of STUPID in the wrong answers? Grin!)

Right answer: “Actually my bionics allow me to hear things I never thought I’d hear again! But it isn’t perfect hearing, and I will always be a person with hearing loss. Compared to where I was before the implant, I am doing amazingly well!”

If you are deaf, how can you use a telephone?

Wrong answer: Why shouldn’t I be able to use the phone? I can eat, drink, and go to the bathroom by myself too!”

Right answer: We live in an amazing era of technology. My cochlear implant can utilize a t-coil switch, which allows me to use the phone with only a little work, thanks to telephones that are t-coil compatible. I can’t use EVERY phone, but I can use MINE.

Why do you have an assistance dog? You aren’t blind, and it draws attention to you!

Wrong answer: Actually she’s an attack dog… Chloe… BITE HIM!

Right answer: Having both Meniere’s disease, and hearing loss, Chloe simply makes my life easier. She takes a lot of stress out of the fact I don’t hear well. I hear voices pretty well with my CI, but Chloe makes sure I hear all those other noises. I am much safer now, and can do things independently. If I drop things, it takes Chloe seconds to retrieve something for me that would have taken me several minutes to get myself because of my balance issues. I don’t have to ask others to help, because SHE is my “helper”.

If you have an acquired disability, I’m sure you too have heard your share of “stupid questions”. Perhaps your disability is not widely understood, or is “invisible”. We can’t walk around with a neon sign that says, “disabled person” over our heads. And who would want to? Frankly, I highlight what I CAN do, not what I cannot. Perhaps practicing responses to some of the questions you have heard, will insure that when the time comes for you to reply again, it will be in a positive and educational way. After all, a curt and petty response only hurts the next person with a disability. A measured, well-thought and rehearsed answer is much more likely to produce understanding and acceptance in even the most STUPID irrational person!

Denise Portis

Thanksgiving in a Bathtub

Published on November 30, 2008December 1, 2008 by hearingelmo2 Comments

Imagine my husband’s surprise when I asked him to run upstairs and snap a picture of Chloe and I. Surprised, because as he put it, “Your hair is wet and your make-up is gone“. Actually he may have said, “Your face is gone (like the transplanted southern boy that he is), but I think the look on my face when I asked him to repeat what he said, made him change what came out of his mouth!

I’m a brave person, aren’t I? (Brave… or very, very tired) I like to “capture the moment” when I decide to blog about something. “Thanksgiving in a Bathtub”.

Don’t you love Thanksgiving? This year, I tried something new. Each member of the family had to bring a list to the Thanksgiving table of things they were thankful for… the number equaling their age. I might should have thought that through before announcing my idea, as hubby and I had to come up with over 40 “thankfuls“. The reality? It wasn’t hard. We were all amused to see that everyone listed FACEBOOK as a “thankful for” item. But throughout the meal and our discussion, we agreed that really we should be thankful more often.

There is simply no better way to improve your attitude, than by listing your “thankfuls”. We all decided to find opportunities more frequently, to find “listing moments”. I found one tonight in the bathtub.

I had been reminding Chloe we were “headed to the tub” for over an hour. She continued to bump my arm to remind me that we should head there. I don’t think she’s is really that crazy about seeing me behind a mountain of bubbles (especially if she has a long enough memory to recall that first one), but she is rather fond of “ditching” the 14 month old puppy for awhile.

So with Chloe relaxing without a puppy chewing on her hind foot, and me sunk neck-deep in a mountain of bubbles, I decided to “list my thankfuls” for the day. Top of my list for today was my wonderful church, DCC, my family, and my patient hound who is also my ears and “steady brace”. But I found myself adding, “being allowed to pray for someone new”. Small thing THAT to most of you I reckon! But do you know something?

When you acquire a disability later in life, there is nothing quite so wonderful as discovering you still MATTER. That you can make a difference… even in a “small” sort of way! I asked someone if I could pray for them, and they replied, “yes… absolutely”. I found myself listing that as a “thankful”.

In not hearing well, it’s not like I can pick up a phone and encourage someone with a “howdy”, “whatcha doin’?” or “yes men are idiots” verbal commiseration. I can’t run to a local coffee shop in order to “talk about everything and nothing” as it takes a lot of patience to deal with my confused expression and request for a repeat. I can’t even stand around church after the services, and agree with a fellow mom, “YES! My teens are giving me gray hair!” Because… what they really said is, “having tenure is really rare!” (This really happened… grin. A teacher was bemoaning how difficult it was… and here I thought she was talking about how difficult TEENS are! Grimace…)

So imagine the PRIVILEGE, the JOY, to be reminded you can make a difference with a prayer!

I found myself thinking in that tub full of bubbles. Not just listing “thankfuls” either, nor wondering if in twenty years I’ll resemble the water-wrinkled skin I still idly scrubbed at with my sponge. What a difference it would make if every person — no matter their disability — could discover one small thing that they could do that MATTERED… to SOMEONE… SOMEWHERE.

Perhaps it’s because I go to a support group once a month of people who no longer hear well… or hear at all. They want to make a difference. They know they still can. One lady can cook so well that she makes Betty Crocker hang her head in shame. She brings mouth-watering, waist-altering goodies to every meeting. One plays the guitar… beautifully, and she blesses others with her music. One simply emails the rest of us often as her hearing loss is also coupled with an extreme form of Meniere’s disease. She doesn’t get out of the house much really. Yet, her words and encourgement travel more “miles” than any one of us ever attempts by car.

I go to training 3-4 times a month with Chloe at Fidos For Freedom. She loves the interaction with her trainers and “buddies”, and I love the interaction with people who are clients and therapy dog teams. I love to see new clients realizing for the first time, the independence their new partner will give them. Independence to do “normal” life things, in order to help them find ways to make that difference… to SOMEONE… SOMEWHERE. Chloe has given me confidence in ways that is difficult for others to understand.

I trust her alerts. I trust her knowing “what I need to hear”. I trust her steady brace on stairs, and her quick retrieve of dropped items. I don’t “sweat the small stuff” anymore because she covers all of that for me. It frees me up to re-discover the emotional high of investing myself in some small way for another. That’s something I was unable to do prior to my “match”. Thanksgiving can happen in a bathtub. Choose to be thankful… even if it isn’t in a mountain of bubbles!

Denise Portis

“I’ll take ‘Dead Dogs Can’t’ for $600, Alec”

Published on November 17, 2008November 17, 2008 by hearingelmo2 Comments

(Alec) “For $600, the answer is… a video clip”:

(Denise) bites nails… “Umm, ‘What is ROLL MY OWN BLANKET’?”

(APPLAUSE)

Kyersten and I attended a play at her college yesterday afternoon. She attends AACC and had one requirement for ‘Fine Arts Survey’, that she hasn’t been particularly excited about completing. She had to attend one of the performing art productions and then write about it in a two-page paper. Somehow, I managed to allow myself to be talked into going with her. ‘Chalk it up’ to wanting to expose Chloe to new things, while attending something I use to enjoy tremendously – a musical. “Guys and Dolls” was actually very good and I’m glad I attended.

We arrived early in order to find a good place to sit. I was thankful I chose to do so, as our tickets had me sitting in an aisle where the floor sloped dramatically towards the stage. Since I didn’t want Chloe to slide down through the audience during the show, I quickly found a manager and asked permission to change our seats to a section where the floor was level.

We settled into our seats and waited as the opening act was still about 10 minutes away. A couple scooted around behind us and passed Chloe and I on the left. The woman jumped a little bit, and slapped a hand to her chest as she looked down at Chloe. Chloe looked up from a perfect down/stay (perfect because she had already drifted off – smile)

The woman exclaimed, “Oh my… I thought she was DEAD!”

I looked at her with rather bewildered astonishment, and said, “I’m sorry? What?” (I said this while signing “sorry”. It’s hysterical to me that even when I hear, I start signing if I don’t understand. Like that clears it up for me?)

She repeated, “Oh, I thought SHE WAS DEAD!”

Her husband took her elbow and they moved on down the aisle. Perhaps he wanted to take her to a more private location to HAVE HER HEAD EXAMINED! I looked over at Kyersten with my eyebrows raised, while Chloe laid her head back down and continued her imitation of a dead dog. Kyersten has a flair for the understated “duh“.

“Yes,” she snorted rather unladylike, “we carried a dead dog in here and laid it down on a blanket!” She said it under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear. (What this lady said must have bothered Kyersten too, as she later whispered, “I think she was just so startled to see a dog, that she said the first thing that POPPED into her head!” She rationalizes well, don’t you think?)

We giggled about it for a few minutes.

———————

SIDE NOTE: I have a very weird sense of humor and my thought process is rather… erm… unique. I just talked to a trainer at the “Ask the Trainer” booth for the 10th annual Stroll ‘n Roll, “how do you get your dog to fetch something new?”

Tracy B., talked to me about how to teach Chloe to fetch my cane. (Santa is bringing me one for Christmas because I’ve been a ‘good little girl’) You start with simply clicking and treating when she TOUCHES what you want her to notice.

So I pictured:

“Chloe… touch the silly lady…” (Chloe gets up and pushes her nose on the hand of the lady who thought she was dead) Good touch Chloe! (Click… treat…)

Yeah. Like I said… I have a strange sense of humor…

——————-

The performance was nicely done, and I was rather proud of how much I heard AND understood with the help of my cochlear implant. As musicals have much of the story line put to “song”, it’s rather important to be able to not only hear the spoken lines, but the ones that are belted out to music as well.

Chloe did great too. She slept through the whole thing with the exception of one scene where a police officer blew a whistle while chasing after the gangsters involved in “Crap games”. She sat straight up and peered over the heads of those in front of us and watched the chase. I threw my arms around her neck to talk to her quietly and to insure I could feel any bark getting ready to erupt from her chest. Fidos For Freedom Inc., does such a great job preparing these dogs for new experiences even from the puppy stage! Chloe simply settled back down immediately after being given the assurance that “all is well”. (Plus the acknowledgment that she wasn’t invited to participate in the chase!)

Sometimes people with disabilities give up on even trying to participate in things they once enjoyed. They don’t believe that they can make a difference. They can easily get caught in a vicious cycle of thinking they ‘can’t do anything’ and therefore think ‘everyone should do things for them’. Don’t get me wrong – there are things people cannot do if they have a hearing loss and have a cochlear implant. I can’t deep-sea dive, nor hear really well in places with a tremendous amount of background noise. I can’t fit in a size 4 dress either… although that may be a bit off-topic.

People who hear VERY well, have things they cannot do. No one in my family has a hearing loss but me, yet they can’t deep-sea dive either! (OK, I might should clarify that the fact of the matter is, no one in my family can swim!)

But every individual is capable of “something”. Every person can make a difference. You know that scary stairwell I talked about here? In the very corner of the picture, you can see the edge of a wheelchair. This wheelchair belongs to one of my students. She was born with a disability that makes things like walking – – difficult. Yet, she

comes to classes,

leaves her chair at the top of the stairwell,

with assistance goes down the steps,

and then cheerfully grabs her walker and heads to her classes in the basement area.

She doesn’t walk well… but to know her is to love her. She always smiles, and is graceful and beautiful in her performance of music in sign.

I’ve met a number of bloggers through the internet who also have disabilities. Each and every one of them make a difference,

somewhere,

to someone.

… and you can too!

Denise Portis

“Take a Deep Breath… and Trust Your Dog”

Published on November 15, 2008November 15, 2008 by hearingelmo4 Comments

Thursday was a particularly nasty, rainy day, and I dreaded “the walk down the stairs” more than usual. Funny thing about Meniere’s disease – rain and other types of weather systems can really make a difference in how steady I walk. I finally remembered my camera too, and I can’t tell you how many tries it took me to STAND AT THE TOP OF THESE STAIRS, on a RAINY DAY and TAKE A PICTURE! Grin!

The school I teach at is on the campus of a beautiful Nazarene church. It’s a “new campus” for us this year. I remember at the first teacher’s meeting hearing everyone laugh and remark on “Moses and the Red Sea” on the stairs. Me? I’m thinkin’, “You can look at a MURAL while going down the STAIRS?”

When I arrived at school on Thursday, I stuck my head in the door of the director’s office to grab some paper for the copier. She grimaced slightly and said, “Oh boy, is this rain affecting you today?” Actually, I made light of it and explained to her that really… this is just sort of a new kind of “normal” for me. I don’t really get up in the morning and think, “wow I’m really wobbly today”. This is my “normal”!

Meniere’s disease symptoms that fluctuate with weather systems, also usually produce worsened tinnitus. Meniere’s disease folks always have a hearing loss, but when tinnitus really kicks into “high gear”, those who are simply “hard of hearing” often hear very little when the tinnitus is in a full-out ROAR. I’m actually very blessed, because I hear through the miracle of a cochlear implant. My cochlear implant masks tinnitus, and so even on days my vertigo is worse, I hear just fine!

I showed my husband this picture of “the dreaded staircase”, and we laughed about how some of my “fears” have certainly morphed through the years. When we first got married 22 years ago, I had a very irrational fear of spiders (even little ones). Now I fear staircases, but I argue it’s completely rational! Smile!

I have to tell you though, it’s a very powerful emotion that burns through me when I take that first step down this flight of stairs. On “good days” it takes me about 2 minutes. On “bad days” it takes me about 5 minutes. Chloe is very intuitive. I don’t think she walks outside and sees the rain and puts that together with … “oh my we are going to be taking the stairs slowly today”. However, on “bad days” she patiently takes me all the way to the bottom, even if I have to stop and wait for the stairwell to stop spinning. (I even had to sit rather suddenly once, and she just sat there next to me looking around as if this was perfectly acceptable to her!)

I’ll never forget when we were first matched, I spent a great deal of one-on-one time with my trainer. Admitting to her that I was scared of stairs, insured that we spent some time at a local mall at the foot of a very tall flight of stairs! I remember turning to her with Chloe in “heel”, admitting with a quivering smile, “I’m going to have to do this slow!”

My trainer is a runner. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Denise, this isn’t a sprint. If you need to take it slow, then take it slow.” So I did… and on that staircase came the realization that I really could trust my dog. If I were going slow, she would too. My trainer had me take the stairs at the mall, in the closed stairwell at the training center, and in her home. She never helped me look for a way around those stairs. Because of her, I go down stairs. I take a deep breath… and I go… down… the stairs. Why?

Because I can.

Chloe? Well she’s not real happy when the rain interferes with her “W – A – L – K ” at lunch hour. The van is boring.

Denise Portis

A Disability May Keep You From WANTING to Come… but I NEED YOU TO COME!

Published on November 7, 2008November 10, 2008 by hearingelmo3 Comments

Kyersten (18-years-old) is a contributor to Hearing Elmo. She has only known her mother as a person with hearing loss. Recognizing, supporting, and loving a parent with hearing loss and balance problems, does not mean that sometimes it is acknowledged that the disability GETS IN THE WAY.

On October 25^th, 2008, my Dad, Mom, and I woke up at “4 something” in the morning. The horror! The earli-ness! With bleary eyes and a lot of yawns, we stumbled to the car in order to drive about three hours to visit Waynesburg University. Waynesburg is the first on my list of colleges to visit. I am currently trying to decide where to transfer, and my parents are supporting me in my quest for the Perfect Fit.

The trip was uneventful, but rainy and foggy. We were rather glad to finally arrive.

We arrived a bit later than we had hoped, so Dad dropped mom and I off and went to park. Mom and I stood patiently (okay… impatiently) urging Chloe to “hurry up” (go to the bathroom). It was very wet and she was stubborn, so we went inside. We were greeted by a very sweet “student ambassador” and I was given a packet of information.

Mom and I then went to “hurry up” ourselves. Next, we walked into the main room, with Dad, who had arrived rather “wet”. A lady gestured us toward some seats and we sat down, only to stand up ten minutes later (having missed most of the introduction remarks).

Mom went outside to encourage Chloe to “hurry up”, as she still had not yet gone. She went ahead of us, so Dad and I lost track of where she was. I told Dad to go look for her, and continued on with the group. I felt a little awkward being the only student in the tour group without parents, but, I told myself I was learning to be independent.

Dad texted me and soon found me with the group. He was by himself. Mom had stayed in the van with Chloe.

So, Dad and I continued on the tour. I got a text from my mom. Her texts always make me smile; they are full of the shortened words associated with someone wanting to get a message to someone in as little time as possible, “Do not worry about me. chloe and me r hangn at van. tell dad 2 stay with u. am dizzy nyway!” I didn’t know until later that she had cried for a good twenty minutes as she texted that.

Dad and I continued the tour, which was very interesting. I really loved the small, yet beautiful, friendly college. Despite the rain, you could see the beauty of the architecture of the buildings, as well as the small-town charm of the city surrounding it.

After the tour, my Dad and I walked quickly back to the van to fetch Mom. She was surprised to see us and a little hesitant, but she “dressed” Chloe in her vest and accompanied us as the rain had stopped. We went to find the classroom where our meeting with a psychology professor was being held. (My chosen major is psychology). The building was at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Mom wasn’t sure she could make it, and hesitated. A helpful woman saw us and showed us to another floor, from where we took the elevator down to the floor where our meeting was located. After that meeting, we made our way to the bookstore.

Mom and I had a small argument about colleges on our way to the bookstore. Frustrated, I went to search for a sweatshirt. Mom came into the store.

“Hey, want to help me find a good color?” I asked.

“I’m really dizzy, I am going to stand here,” she answered. I clenched my teeth and continued shopping. I felt selfish for being aggravated at mom for not coming to help me.

We then made our way to the cafeteria, everyone’s tempers now on edge. A woman stopped us as we tried to go into the cafeteria.

“Is that a seeing eye dog?” she asked suspiciously.

Mom looked surprised and offended, “I am not blind,” she said quickly. She then launched into her speech about what Chloe did and the law that allows Chloe to accompany Mom anywhere. Mom then offered to give the lady literature. The woman refused, saying she”just hadn’t seen something like Chloe before”.

We went to find a table. Dad went to go get his and mom’s food as it was a buffet-type of cafeteria. Handling an assistance dog at a buffet is NOT easy business!

“Do you think I should give the lady literature about assistance dogs on our way out?” Mom asked.

“No, she said she didn’t want it,” I answered.

Mom and I are A LOT alike in many areas, but when it comes to conflict, we handle it differently. Admittedly, mine is probably a worse way to handle it. I withdraw and avoid conflict. Mom isn’t scared of it, and wanted to make sure the woman didn’t bother other assistance teams in the future.

She said as much.

“I just shouldn’t have come; I’m obviously not doing any good. I wish to God y’all had left me in the car,” Mom said.

I started crying.

Now ANYONE who knows me knows that… a) I am not a crier b) I dislike crying, and c) I never, EVER cry in public.

The meal went downhill from there. I refused to eat, so Mom refused to eat. Dad had a concerned look on his face, but it didn’t stop him from eating his plate of food and Mom’s. Such a man.

I went to the car to get away from everything, Mom following behind, Dad finishing the meal and then coming after us.

We worked it out. That’s what a family does after all; you HAVE to live with each other, so HAVE to resolve issues.

Mom was upset because she felt like I was purposefully disagreeing with everything she said.

I was upset because I felt like she didn’t want to be involved anymore.

I know my mom has a disability, two actually, if you count her balance. I know that there are some things she can’t do. Dad and I mentioned a couple of times on the tour that it was good she didn’t come. With the slippery sidewalks, lots of stairs, and a tour guide he and I couldn’t even hear sometimes, she would not have enjoyed it. However, I want her to be as involved in my hunt for the Perfect Fit as much as she can. She’s my mom.

She and I are a lot alike. And she knows me better than anyone. Dad’s advice I greatly appreciate and value. However, he has more of a Type A, competitive personality, whereas I have a quieter personality. His idea of the Perfect Fit would probably not be the same as mine.

To me, this is one of the last things in my life that I will need my parent’s involvement. It’s a huge step into the world of adulthood and responsibility.

I don’t want Mom to let her disability keep her from being my Mom. I realize she may not be able to do everything or may have to have special accommodations to be able to do some things. But the extra work to allow her to come along is worth it, because she is my mom. I need her… just the way she is.

Kyersten Portis

—————-

Denise Portis

When One Makes a Plan to Quit Church…

Published on November 4, 2008 by hearingelmo6 Comments

God has a wonderful sense of humor I believe. I’m quite certain that I make Him laugh out loud on occasion, as I can be funny even without trying. (I’m NEVER funny when I DO try!) I also imagine that He has rolled His eyes, chuckled with minor annoyance, and wished He could THUMP me on the head at times as well.

This past week I had a couple of serious discussions with my husband about church. I had a “plan” about when I would no longer be attending church.

I’m getting ahead of myself, however, so let me explain how all this began. I had begun consciously thinking about what I would no longer do once my kids were gone from home. What started all this (dangerous) thinking was my epiphany of how different fixing supper each night would be after it became “just Terry and I”. I have a “soon to be 18-year-old” son, who eats like most 18-year-old boys. He actually eats very healthy… but he eats a LOT. So while fixing supper one evening, I realized that I would go from baking six chicken breasts to baking just two chicken breasts in only a couple of years!

Well we all know how one “thing”, or one “thought”, can lead to another. Before I knew it, I realized that I was thinking about how I was going to have to explain to Terry why I wouldn’t go to church with him anymore. I hated to have that conversation, for I didn’t have a plan to stop going as a result of my losing my faith, anger at God, or a back-slidden spiritual condition. I felt badly for Terry, because he would have to go alone. And yet, it never entered my thinking that he shouldn’t be going alone. It’s as if the decision had already been made.

I really love our church, and our pastor is a phenomenal pastor/teacher. The couple of things I’ve discussed with him about people with hearing loss were always met with approval and a very genuine desire to help. Churches are exempt from the Federal law (ADA) mandating that assistance dogs be allowed to accompany their partner with a disability. Chloe has always been welcome at my church. But…

I am invisible at our church. I come in and a couple of people say “hello”. I then go to sit down, make Chloe comfortable, sing/sign with the congregation, listen attentively, pray, sit around and wait for my family to finish their “clean-up”tasks, and then we go home. I’ve actually written and then deleted a couple of paragraphs here explaining the different ministries in our church and why I can’t participate (or how I “tried” and it failed… believe me there were numerous attempts!) I’ve chosen to not add that in this post because, 1) I don’t want anyone to think I’m being critical. I feel harbor no ill feelings towards any ministry or individual, and 2) the purpose of this post is to explain God’s intervention and how He’s made it clear I cannot deliberate whether or not I should attend church.

So in order to keep this from being “novel length”, let me cut to the chase. I walked into church Sunday and went to my “spot” in order to sit invisible. God sent three different people over to me that did more than say “hello”. They asked how I was doing, what was going on in my life… He even allowed me to offer prayer and encouragement to someone needing to know that someone would honestly “pray without ceasing” for her.

I went from sitting “invisible“, to sitting “surprised”. Chloe kept looking at me funny, so for all I know my mouth was even hung ajar in shock. Yes. At times God chooses to reach down and “thump” His younguns on the head.

In preparing to write this post, I was reminded that one thing many late-deafened people have in common is the trap of a self-imposed isolation. I’ve been to conventions, conferences, and support group meetings. I’ve even spoken in workshops, research symposiums, and on Capital Hill. I should know better. Yet… I am just as much in danger of allowing myself to simply “drop out”, as someone new to hearing loss. Why?

Perhaps it’s because “all of this gets really old”. Or maybe we wonder if we are making a difference to anyone? My messed up thinking had me convinced that I go to church now because my kids care if I do. I didn’t have to twist my own arm or anything to convince myself that after THEY are gone… no one will notice ME gone.

I say all of this in order to remind all of us, that God can use anyone. He can use the deaf, the blind, and those with mobility challenges. He can use the hyperactive, the extremely shy introvert, and those who do not have “traditional” spiritual gifts or talents. In the meantime, my involvement remains at simply being able to faithfully pray. It’s very likely something I do better than most. I disconnect my cochlear implant, and instantly eliminate all background noise and distractions.

I think the late-deafened get bogged down in what they “use to be able to do”. When I could hear I was in the choir, taught 2nd grade boys Sunday School, led two women’s Bible studies, worked in the Deaf Ministry (how ironic!) and acted as a secretary for the Children’s church. I can’t let what I use to be able to do, keep me from finding joy in what I can do now. If the bulk of what I do happens to be ministries outside the church, it doesn’t mean that I should no longer go.

Don’t allow yourself to believe “church” won’t miss you. In the end, that’s not the point of “church” is it?

Denise Portis