Tag: cochlear implant

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Published on by hearingelmo4 Comments
I don't exactly blend into the background...

Recently Chloe and I were at our neighborhood grocery store. I rounded a corner and came face-to-face with a young boy approximately 6-years-old. His eyes grew wide as saucers and his mouth dropped open. Curious, I looked around quickly to make sure his astonishment was at my own appearance and not on someone in my vicinity. Since it was just Chloe and I… I surmised he was surprised at ME. He looked at Chloe carefully and read her vest. I could see his little mouth sounding out the words on her vest. I could “see the light bulb go on” for him about what Chloe does as her job. He took a step to the side and leaned so as to better see the side of my head. My smile let him know I was OK with that – I even turned my head so he could better see the cochlear implant. His answering smile seemed thrilled to understand as the result of his attentive perusal. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. So unprepared was I, my own mouth dropped open in surprise!

A lady who looked like she’d lost a 7-year-old boy came around the corner in a near trot. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked with relief on the boy and waved at him to “get over here“. He shook his head “no” and signed, “Look (towards me)! Cochlear Implant receive me, able dog own can/able? yes?” His mother practically interrupted his sign and shook her head NO.

She signed back, “Dog want – cochlear implant want not. Appear normal important!” She took him by the hand and drug him away to the cereal isle. I stood there for a few minutes digesting what I had over – erm – HEARD. Obviously, she didn’t realize I am fluent in ASL. I stood there … in all my NOT NORMAL glory… not fitting in… while Chloe sat and stared at a box of Uncle Ben’s rice that happened to be nose-level.

I was speechless! For those of you who know me – well that is a RARE THING – THAT! I finished my shopping in a near-daze.

Not Normal

I wear “bling” on my cochlear implant and have a bright, red ear mold on the hearing aid in the opposite ear. I have an assistance dog who alerts me to direction, sounds I miss, and helps me with balance related tasks. You can look at me and guess pretty quickly there isn’t a lot NORMAL about me. But that isn’t because I have a hearing loss and balance problems. Plenty of people wear cochlear implants or hearing aids. Plenty of people have balance problems. I believe my not being “normal looking” lies in the fact that I make sure my invisible disabilities – AREN’T. There are numerous reasons for that… likely best left for another post. It is in my best interest to be visible. It keeps me from getting injured – although it doesn’t guarantee that.

Not everyone with hearing loss chooses to be as visible with bionics or assistive listening devices and technology. Not everyone with Meniere’s disease is partnered with an assistance dog. Yet this works FOR ME. I’m happy, confident and independent. Isn’t that what every adult wants, after all? Sure – like everyone I have things I am dependent upon. My faith – the love of my family – connections with others. However, what I choose to use in order to live my life independent of the help of others is my desire. I’ve taken steps that I felt were necessary to ensure that independence.

A “Brag” on the Hearing Loss Crowd

Can I just brag for a minute? Do you know that I believe people with hearing loss tend to be more accepting and understanding about differences than any other group? I am MOST at home in a crowd of people who all have hearing loss yet are extremely different.

Some have assistance dogs

some “sport” various CI’s represented by all three manufacturers of cochlear implants

some have vision loss as well

some have hearing aids

some wear neck loops and are using assistive devices

some use sign language

some carry notebooks and READ and WRITE messages…

Yet I am at home among this group. I was reminded of how at home I feel after enjoying the numerous pictures taken by friends who were able to attend the recent Hearing Loss Association of America convention in Milwaukee. Everyone “fits in” at these conventions. It’s much like a family reunion. I don’t agree with everything HLAA does, nor do I believe they always seek to fulfill their original mission. But one thing HLAA does very well is – COMMUNITY. Through forums, live chats, national conventions, state conferences, local support groups, and the Walk4Hearing, HLAA provides community to an every-growing population of people living with hearing loss. Being a part of this community encourages people to do more than live with hearing loss. This community encourages LIVING WELL with hearing loss. I think we all want an abundant life!

William Mather Lewis: The abundant life does not come to those who have had a lot of obstacles removed from their path by others. It develops from within and is rooted in strong mental and moral fiber.

Socrates: Living well and beautifully and justly are all one thing.

Latin proverb: While life lasts let us enjoy it.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal



“Play Your Own Hand”

Published on by hearingelmo4 Comments
My Mother at Harper's Ferry, WV, in June of 2010.

My parents came to visit last week as they wanted to attend my son’s graduation. They live in Florida, so it was great they could stay awhile after Chris’s ceremony as we don’t get to see them that often. Mom and Dad live in a gated community in Florida. They play cards there… a LOT of cards. When they come, they often teach us a new game. That may seem pretty “ho-hum” to most of you, but I grew up in a household that played ROOK and Gin-Rummy. That Mom and Dad come and teach us brand new games with elaborate sounding names like Shang-hai Rummy, we are pretty thrilled. It gives us a chance to sit around the table and visit while playing cards each night.

They brought a new game with them this time called “Bohemian Poker”. It was really fun, and the hands are relatively short so that those of us with short-attention spans can concentrate. Without going into the details of how the game is played, mom reminded us all through the game (usually after a mistake was made) to “play your own hand”. Eventually I was able to do just that, but it did take quite a bit of repetitious reminding on her part.

The opposite of “playing your own hand”, would be to look ahead at the person or persons after you and intentionally play in such a way that they do not benefit from your play. Some players go so far as to collect more points in their OWN hand to keep others from benefiting from their play. (The object of Bohemian Poker is to have the FEWEST points). Mom reminded the novice players at the table to concentrate on what would benefit them the most… to not look at other’s hands, and concentrate on your own. I suppose another way of putting it would be to “mind your own business”!

So freshly ingrained is this new phrase, I have been thinking about how that applies to so much in our life. With her permission (and blessing) I decided to blog my thoughts on the idea!

What It Is NOT

“Play Your Own Hand” does not mean that you intentionally live an isolated, segregated life. It does not mean that you ignore the needs and problems of others and concentrate on taking care of your “own” exclusively. It does not mean that when we see an opportunity to serve or minister in our community or circle of friends, that we do not reach out to those we see in need.

“Play Your Own Hand” does not mean that you do not make short-term and long-term goals, for in truth, both are wise practices in the life of any adult. Sometimes those goals include relationships with others, and so we must determine how our goals affect those who are in our circle of influence.

What It DOES Mean

I believe that “Play Your Own Hand” teaches the following lessons:

1. Pay attention to what God has given you to do. Don’t worry about what others are doing as it is not your responsibility. Your choices, decisions, and planning ultimately affect YOUR life.

2. Don’t live defensively, countering wise decision for your life in order to keep someone else from benefiting.

3. There are gambles in life. They can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. May the chances you take only influence you, unless some benefit or blessing is passed on to another.

4. If someone you care about is ruining their life, try to be a good influence… pray for them… encourage them. But don’t allow their problems to become your problems. They may have some hard lessons that need to be learned through reaping the consequences of their own decisions.

Hearing Loss – So Much Variety!

I have met a great number of people with hearing loss through the years. Through speaking engagements, conventions, online support groups, HLAA and other hearing loss venues, I have discovered that hearing loss is not “one size fits all”. I have Meniere’s disease as well, and am amazed at the variety of symptoms and triggers individuals who struggle with this disease exhibit.

I have also seen people with hearing loss criticize decisions others have made to best cope with their hearing loss. Those who are pro-ASL, often butt heads with those who are anti-ASL. In my opinion, it makes both crowds… BUTT HEADS. Some people choose to use technology, or to be surgically implanted with a cochlear implant. There are three cochlear implant manufacturers. I have seen “CI Wars” both in forums on the Internet, and also face-to-face. Cochlear Americas, Advanced Bionics, and Med-El seem to have enthusiastic and loyal recipients. Is it not best to celebrate “hearing again”? Why does it matter what implant an individual chooses in order to best hear again? Sure – some companies have different perks, low “fail” rates, etc., but being negative or belligerent to an individual sporting a different brand is stupid and immature. (Not really pulling any punches am I, grin!)

“Play Your Own Hand” and do whatever it takes for YOU to hear best. To do so, insures you may communicate as best you can and to practice independence towards hearing all you can with the ears you have. Celebrate when others are learning to be proactive about their own hearing loss. Always be willing to try something new… you may learn a thing or two about your hearing loss even decades after you began living with these communication issues.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Do Not Put it Off!

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This week marked the end of my son’s life as a high school student. In a couple of weeks, my parents will be here to celebrate at his graduation ceremonies for Chieftain Christian Academy. Although Chris did most of his senior year at a local community college (since he goes free thanks to “Dad” working there), he still did a couple of classes at home. I’ve been more “hands off” in his education this year, but still had the opportunity to make sure he was logging hours for that 1/2 credit of Bible he needed. I was still his “teacher” for Geometry, something we put off far too long! I was still busy grading papers, generating paperwork for our co-op, and preparing lesson plans for the kid.

Now the “kid” is done, and I find myself asking, “What do I… want to be when I grow up?” My life has pretty much been on hold for twenty years, in spite of working part-time as a teacher throughout. Every school year revolved around the kids, as did every activity, field trip, book purchase, and support group meeting. Now we are “done” with this chapter in our lives and I once feared I would be left feeling deflated.

But… I have a plan of action. That is part of the reason I have been going to school part-time. I’ve been taking 6-9 hours a semester of graduate level courses in Psychology. I’m set up to complete a Master’s program at the end of 2010.

Looking Back

In spite of all of these years of concentrating on my family, I really didn’t think there would ever be a day I could look to my own dreams. It’s hard to believe that it has been almost twenty years since I first began to notice a dramatic change in my hearing. In the beginning it was so hard! Even my own parents and siblings had difficulty believing I was really losing my hearing. After all, when I was being raised at home, I only had a mild hearing loss in one ear. It didn’t make sense to them that ten years could make that much difference in my hearing. I remember one of my kids coming home from Colorado after visiting family, visibly upset because someone had told them that my hearing loss must be “put on”… that it wasn’t real. They had no idea how to respond to the lack of belief in acquired disabilities. They knew I couldn’t “hear” in the dark (since I speech read). They knew how frustrated I was when my hearing aid battery would die. They knew how terrified I was of the phone and how I was slowly dropping out of activities at church since I couldn’t hear. I remember talking to my little sister on the telephone prior to my cochlear implant surgery.

She wanted to know why I would consider surgery and take that risk. I remember staring at the phone incredulous at her question. Here I was reading captions from a Cap-tel phone, in order to even know what she said… and THAT wasn’t 100%. I explained how minimal the risks were to cochlear implant surgery and tried to explain how desperately I WANTED MY LIFE BACK.

Looking Ahead

I didn’t let their reservations stand in my way. Thankfully, my immediate family understood the struggles I faced each and every day and were so supportive! Other late-deafened adults were encouraging and enthusiastic about my surgery. Getting a cochlear implant allowed me to dream again. Because I can hear as well as I do, I look forward to giving back in some way… of doing something outside the home. Don’t get me wrong… I have loved being a keeper of the home and the opportunity to spend so much time with my kids. However, I really thought that at the end of this time I’d be facing an empty nest and feeling unnecessary. Once I could “hear again”, everything changed. I’m at the end of this journey and at the beginning of a new one! I’m feeling rather hopeful, excited and NECESSARY.

I suppose if the posting this week had a POINT, it would be this:

Do you have a hearing loss? Do hearing aids and other assistive devices no longer help you very much? Have you been evaluated and been told that you qualify for a cochlear implant?

DO NOT PUT IT OFF.

The risks are minimal, the pay-off is HUGE. It has been five years since I was activated (May 13, 2005). I have no regrets other than I waited as long as I did. I qualified for a cochlear implant three years before I finally went through with the surgery! I’m dreaming again. I’m excited about the future. I have plans, goals, and am slowly but surely “getting there”. I can hear with this bionic ear of mine!

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal


5 Year Mapping at Johns Hopkins Hospital

Published on by hearingelmo7 Comments

Today I went to Johns Hopkins for my 5 year mapping. It always feels surreal when I go, for five years is simply not enough time to pass that I have already forgotten what it felt like not to hear. As I go in the parking garage, I can clearly hear the ticket machine ask me to take my ticket with me so that I can pay before exiting. When I approach the hospital, I can hear the revolving door “clicking” as it slowly rotates inward. I clearly hear the “ding” of the elevator as I wait for one to come to the first floor. None of these things were discernible to me 5 years ago. I guess you could say my ears became “reborn” on May 13, 2005.

Below is my audiogram 5 months before my surgery. It shows I had a 90 dB loss in my right ear and a 98 dB loss in my left. My left ear is the one I decided to implant.

Audiogram 11-4-2004

Below is the audiogram from today. My audiologist is one of my favorite people. She’s very easy to talk too, and VERY good at what she does. She created a new program in my “P3” slot that I’m going to work with to see if I can hear my son’s voice any better with in comparison to my normal program. In the sound booth… I actually tested “best” with the lower tones, so it could be that I’m going to have to start fussing at my son to project a little better with that deep voice of his! (Look up when you talk… don’t have your face buried in your laptop).

She doesn’t test my right ear anymore, but you’ll note that my left ear (once a 98 dB loss) is now testing at 15dB loss. Better yet, check out the bottom where it has my words/Phonemes and HINT sentences testing in quiet/noise!

Audiogram 5-7-2010

My audi is never “pushy” but she reminded me that should I ever wish to consult with Dr. Niparko about getting a 2nd CI, that I can just call and make an appointment. Right now with my balance issues, I just do not feel the need to pursue that as I’m “hearing” so well. Maybe… SOME DAY.

Check out my May “bling”. Remind you of anyone?

May "Chloe" bling

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

The Me I Want to Be

Published on by hearingelmo5 Comments

Here lately I’ve been living my life like… well? Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve had insomnia, which is something I have very little experience with actually. Having a hearing loss and Meniere’s disease usually means that when I go to bed at night I have reached my “EXHAUSTED” mode. I take my cochlear implant off, brush my teeth, climb into bed and am normally asleep within ten minutes!

For the past month, however, I have not only had difficulty going to sleep, but I’ve had trouble STAYING asleep. There is far too much going through my mind, and I’ll just be honest with you… I’m worrying.

Now I hear others say from time to time that worrying is sin. I actually don’t hold to that. I don’t think it is a sin to worry, because we are all prone to do so. What is wrong is when we let that worry wreck our lives, or sidetrack us from why we are here. I don’t believe worry is sin unless we allow it to produce something negative in us. Worrying has to change to BELIEVING.

I’m in this period of life I like to think of as “pre-EMPTY NEST“. My daughter heads to Liberty University this fall as a transfer student. My son is graduating from high school this coming June. For the first time… I HAVE time. My kids are young adults and I certainly realize that there will be times when they still need MOM. Heck! I’m 43-years-old and there are times I still need MY mom! But for the first time, my short term goals don’t include doing anything on behalf of one of my kids. What were once my long-term goals, are now my short-term goals and I’m having to re-focus and make decisions about what I want to do … when I grow up. Cuz it’s here now…

I think part of the reason I have allowed “worry” to produce such a negative effect, is because I never thought I’d be who I am. Two decades ago I first began to think about    “someday”. I never thought I’d hear and communicate only because of the miracle of a cochlear implant. Being a “bionic woman” was not part of the plan, you see… and yet

here I am.

I never envisioned that when weather systems moved into the area I would have trouble walking. I never thought I’d have an assistance dog to help me find the direction of sounds and alert me to sounds I still don’t hear well. It wasn’t in “the plan” to have to ask my dog to pick up things that I drop.

Don’t get me wrong! I have a very positive self-image and like who I am

who I have become.

But I’d be lying if I said that this was what I imagined. I’m a 43-year-old woman with a couple of disabilities. I didn’t plan for it to be this way. There was a “me I want to be“. So I’ve been laying in bed at night worrying…

Should I go on to get my doctorate?

Will I be able to do what I want to do even though I have a hearing loss?

Will others believe in me and see my abilities, or be sidetracked by the disabilities?

Am I even capable of doing what I dream of doing, or should I change my dreams?

When Worry Becomes SIN

So it doesn’t take a “rocket scientist” to figure out that this period of worrying for ME… has turned into sin. I’m not sleeping. I’m tossing and turning and fretting. So yeah! The worrying hasn’t produced anything positive nor been the impetus for a purposeful change. Instead I’ve been miserable

and tired.

Have you ever been afraid to dream for fear that God would say “no”? Maybe you don’t even want to voice what your goals and dreams are to Him because you are pretty sure He’ll say, “Nope! That isn’t My plan for you!”

I believe that God gifts us and equips us to reach our goals. I think our dreams are simply little seeds that we are born with that grow as the result of our utilizing our God-given skills, talents, and strengths. In each of us there is the potential to realize our dreams. Excessive worrying can side-track us from taking those steps towards our dreams.

I’ve also decided to quit silently worrying and just go public with what I hope for! How else are others able to pray for me, and encourage me? For quite awhile I’ve been afraid to voice what my dreams are for fear of people rolling their eyes. I know it isn’t going to be easy. I also know that it will take time to get there. The “me I want to be” is the me God has equipped me to be after all! Sure… sometimes we make poor choices and the “getting there” may end up being a more indirect route. Or perhaps “life happens” and you end up with a life-changing, daily challenge in your life. It doesn’t make your dreams unattainable.

So… pray for me if God brings me to mind, won’t you? This working towards “the me I want to be” is scary sometimes. I’ll promise to pray for you too… just shoot me an email and let me know how I may do that on your behalf!  denise.portis@gmail.com

My dreams (now public knowledge)…

I want to teach MORE than I am now, and would like to teach in a community college.

I want to write a book.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

P.S. An incredible book I am enjoying… “The Me I Want to Be” by John Ortberg. Click the book to find out more!


A Little TOO Helpful!

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments

Chloe and I can be found in Wal-mart on most Tuesday mornings. A friend from my home church in North Carolina (thanks Kim!) told me that the best time to go to Wal-mart was on Tuesday mornings. As I rarely stand in line to wait AT ALL, and as the aisles are usually clear of shoppers, she was exactly right. I save a lot of money at Wal-mart, so it is worth my while to even get my groceries there as one of the two Wal-marts in Frederick is a “super” Wal-mart.

This morning the weather was gorgeous! Not a cloud in sight, so I didn’t even bother bringing my cane. Not only was I not wobbly today, but I had a spring in my step! (Well… a spring for ME!) We hadn’t been shopping very long when we approached an elderly lady pushing her cart and shopping. She asked me if she could help me find something.

I took a good look at her and noted that she wasn’t a Wal-mart employee.

“Erm… No thank you!” I replied. “I’m finding everything I need”.

“What do you need dear, let me help you!” she insisted.

She even turned her cart around so that she was now headed in the SAME direction as I was. I stammered, “Well … umm… I’m looking for golden raisens. They come in a big yellow box”. She spotted them for me and placed them in my cart.

“What else do you need, dear?” she asked nicely but firmly.

“Really, I’m fine. I appreciate your help,” I said a little nervous now. I moved on down the aisle and the little lady stayed right beside me with her own cart.

I’m really not a DUMB person, but it took me until the third aisle of us shopping side-by-side that I finally realized something. She had just handed my list back to me after noting something I needed and bringing it to where I was. She thought I had vision difficulties! I quickly put together that having Chloe by my side meant she thought that Chloe was my seeing eye dog!

Now hiding a big smile, I finally tapped her and said, “Ma’am? I’m not blind. I have a hearing loss! I’m a late-deafened adult and this is my hearing assistance/balance assist dog”, I said as I pointed to Chloe’s vest.

She paused a moment, read the vest more carefully, and then looked at me with a big beaming smile and said, “Oh! I can’t hear either!”

Too helpful?

This little lady certainly didn’t mean to be a “pain”, but I had tried to explain that I didn’t need her help a couple of times. Without being almost rude… I didn’t know how to get rid of her!

She really DID mean well. She was trying to help. She thought I was a young woman (compared to HER) who couldn’t see well and was trying to shop on my own. She was being helpful. It wasn’t until I realized what she thought my limitations were, that I was able to explain exactly what I could and could NOT do.

Many times a person with a disability may feel frustration building up inside because of how HELPFUL everyone is! It is important to find out exactly what it is that a person with a disability may need from you – if anything. I attend Fidos For Freedom a couple of times a month with Chloe for training. I work side-by-side with people who have many different kinds of disabilities. Everyone is different. Even those of us with hearing loss vary in how our disability impacts our lives. I am more likely to need you to offer me a steady hand when getting up off the floor, than I am for you to repeat something that I missed. Our training floor is looped, and I hear really well in spite of the huge training floor. Other hard-of-hearing people or late-deafened people may not hear as well as I do, but are more steady on their feet. Chloe actually helps me with balance-related tasks almost as much as she helps me with sounds I cannot hear or “place directionally”.

Some of the clients use walkers, wheelchairs, or power scooters. Some have canes that they use all the time – not part-time like I do! Yet, each of them have varying degrees of ability. After being matched at Fidos For Freedom, the trainers work hard to have YOUR dog learn specific tasks that will help YOU. So I have learned to not “help” unless I have already established a relationship with someone and I know exactly how I might best help them.

One thing I have learned about people with disabilities… they don’t want to be treated like they are disabled. They usually try to maximize their ABILITIES so that they can live a good life in spite of a disability.

How Can I Help?

Having two young adult kids is another good reason to learn to ASK how one might help. Try not to assume what someone else needs. Simply ask. If they want or need your help, they are given the chance to take control of their own needs by requesting specific help for specific tasks. My son? Yeah, he’ll let me do his laundry until he leaves home. Because I LOVE doing laundry (I realize I’m strange), I don’t mind doing this. However, I have learned to ASK if one of my kids needs my assistance. Because I respect them and have shown them that I trust them to let me know if they need something, they have learned to ask for help when they need it.

We should take care about not being to prideful to ask for assistance when needed too. That can be harder for some than others!

What type of things do people try to help you with even though you may not need it?

What types of things do you have trouble ASKING for help with doing?

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

Try Something New

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments
An Elmo Application for the iPod

My husband called me into his office last night and checked out the “side of my head” to see if I still had my cochlear implant and hearing aid on to hear. I kind of grin to myself when he does this, for after all… I’d not hear him call me into his office if I didn’t have my cochlear implant on my head!

He said, “Can you put headphones on over your implant and hear?”

I looked to see what headphones he was talking about and noted that it was his nice “noise canceling” headphones and not the ear buds. “I’m sure I can,” I responded, “but I’ve not tried!”

Now I’m likely one of the few Americans that does not own an iPod. I also do not have an MP3 player (although I think those aren’t as popular now!). It may have something to do with the fact that I have a hearing loss. Prior to the cochlear implant, I had become accustomed to living without music. (Kinda of sad if you think about it…) My CI has some fancy attachments that I can use so that I can actually use an iPod if I want. However, usually I sit at my computer and listen to iTunes. I make a special time to do that, and enjoy the music better if I’m not busy doing something else that requires my concentration.

My husband has an iPod touch. He is a very techie/gadget kind of guy. I’ve heard him dreaming out loud in his sleep about the new iPad. (I’m fibbing of course… I’m deaf at night!). He held out the headphones to me and motioned for me to put them on my head.

I adjusted them to where I could comfortably place them over the processor (the headphones were HUGE and covered my entire ear!). He handed me his iPod touch. I stared at him blankly. “Ummm. I haven’t a clue as to what to do you know!” I grimaced. (Hubby and I are blissfully married because ‘opposites attract’ as I do not have any techie/gadget cells in my body).

He motioned with his finger, and showed me how to “touch” the screen. My breath caught in my throat as Elmo trotted onto the screen. As only Elmo can, he described how I could make my own monster friend. I listened to the instructions, and made my very own monster with Elmo’s help (see above). Elmo showed me how to make my monster friend dance, exercise, and more. My eyes were wide and my grin infectious… I thought.

One look at hubby and I could tell he was afraid he’d never see his iPod touch again. “No worries, honey!” I explained. “I don’t want your iPod!”

Trying not to look obviously relieved, he motioned for me to remove the headphones. “I can buy you one, you know!”

“Naw! This is a cute application, but I’ll stick to what I know best. Thanks for sharing that!” I replied.

At Least Try

Now I might fall in love with the iPod, if I sat and used it for a longer period of time. I tried it and it worked well for me. However, I really like my iTunes! In spite of how cute that Elmo application was, I wasn’t ready to invest my money on something I may not use much. I am happy with what I have. What if I told my family members (desperately looking for birthday gift ideas) that I did not want an iPod even though I had never tried one? My tone and words might convince them I was serious, but how believable am I if I’ve never tried it?

I remember when my kids were little how difficult it was to get them to try new foods. They weren’t allowed to wrinkle their noses and say “no thank you” to something they’d never tried before! I encouraged them to always “at least try” new foods.

Sometimes we don’t try new things because we are afraid we’ll fail. I could have taken one look at the iPod laying in one of my husband’s hands, and the headphones in the other and said, “Ermm… no thank you dear!” How would I have ever known if I could use the headphones that way? I would have missed seeing Elmo dance across a screen. I would have missed the opportunity to prove to myself that the tiny, slim, techno-intimidating iPod wouldn’t blow up if I touched the screen wrong. I had to at least try!

Trying Something New

Why don’t people like trying new things? Hopefully, I have modeled good behavior for my kids that they should be willing to try new things before deciding on a different route. Obviously I’m not talking about drugs, alcohol, sex or other self-destructive behaviors! I sat down and tried to come up with a list of why people do not like trying something new:

1. Fear of failure. What if I blow it? What if I am not able to complete an 8 km race? What if I don’t reach my weight goal?

2. Old habits. I’ve always done it this way. Why should I try something new? The way I do things now work well for me. There is no reason to start something new.

3. It might cost me. I don’t have the time or money to start something new. What if I have to give up something else in order to do this “new thing”. I enjoy reading books, and that 1/2 hour walk will eat into my “me time”!

What are other reasons we may not try something new? I’ll never forget the first time my assistance dog was asked to do something new that she did not want to do AT ALL. You can read about it here. It took a lot of encouragement from people she trusted for Chloe to descend that staircase at Harper’s Ferry. The staircase seemed to lead “no where”. Does having a group of cheerleaders help you when you are trying to muster the courage to do something new? Maybe you don’t do well with a whole PEP SQUAD behind you, cheering you on! But the quiet encouragement from a trusted friend or two has shown to help you step out in faith – to try something new?

Trying new things is good for us. It gave my assistance dog new-found confidence and strengthened our bond. When I try new things I feel as if I’m exercising my mind and body. I’m growing.

Why should we be willing to try new things?

1. We may find a better way to do something! The “new way” may save time and money!

2. We may discover a new skill or exercise a talent in a new way.

3. We may meet some really incredible people!

4. We may find ways to minister/serve others in our “new hobby”.

5. You may come to the conclusion that the “old way” works just fine! (I really am perfectly happy with iTunes on my computer!)

Being willing to try new things also helps us to learn to put a little faith in others, which for some can be a difficult thing to do! Trying new things may also force us to have faith in what God has for us too! Some folks have an easier time trusting others than they do God. This should not ever be the case. (But I’ll leave that topic for another post!)

What have you tried “new” lately?

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal

“Hearing Again” Woman #7

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment

FOR TODAY… February 26, 2010

Outside my window…

Oh my! The wind is really strong today! The trees and bushes are whipping about as if in a dance competition. Right now, the bushes are winning hands down.

About 70% of the snow has melted off. Our once spectacular drifts are now mere 2-3 foot pitiful, sloshy, masses of dirty snow. I hate it when all the beautiful “white stuff” no longer IS.

Lots of traffic in the cul-de-sac this morning. Why? It’s a cul-de-sac, not a through street!

I am thinking…

About my little sister and her family. It’s so tough being unemployed. We were there only two short years ago. Other than a health crisis, I’m not sure anything is more stressful on what is normally a solid family unit.

I am hearing…

… the result of all that wind. The trees may be dancing a merry jig in an attempt at “one-upping” the bushes, but the noise they are making sound like bees. Yeah, I know strange. But in trying to discover a way to describe the sound I’m hearing, I can only come up with the very angry noise of bees.

I am thankful for…

… the fact we don’t have a lot of bees around here. I’m allergic. Those epi-pen shots and subsequent ER visit are never very much fun. I think it’s a RIOT how these prompting questions sometimes get me off on a tangent!

Seriously, today I am extra thankful for steady employment for hubby. He pays our bills (barely), and it is steady enjoyable work for him.

I am wearing…

A tan sweatsuit, tennis shoes and a cream-colored turtleneck underneath. It’s cold! I’m also wearing glasses, which for me is WEIRD. I have very itchy eyes, and opted to do without the contacts today. I think the itchy eyes are from the increased usage of our furnace making the air extremely dry. My skin is dry as well… where did I put that Neutrogena Skin care cream?

A Cochlear Implant…

… is wonderful when you want to hear the evidence of what your eyes see in that WIND.

I am remembering…

… the fact that 4 years and 9 months ago, I couldn’t hear the sounds coming from things my eyes could see. Not blowing, dancing trees and bushes, nor people’s words coming from their mouths, the clickity-click of my keyboard, the whir of the ceiling fan overhead… and so much more!

I am going…

… to Fidos For Freedom tomorrow and bonus – – Kyersten is off so she can come with me! I really enjoy these trips to and from the training center. She loves helping out there and working “spare dogs”, and it is something I am glad to share with her. She’ll be gone this fall, and I’ll certainly miss this one-on-one time with her. Sniff.

I need to…

Fold a load of towels, remind my son to vacuum, and finish a research paper for my class.

A disability is NOT…

… always easy. Case in point, my Meniere’s disease/rainy weather caught me by surprise this week. After a couple of unexpected falls and resulting bruises, I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself for 5 minutes. I set the timer, wailed, Chloe let me know when the timer went off, wiped my tears and blew my nose… and GOT ON WITH LIFE. Poor Chloe isn’t sure what to do when an alert is suppose to happen but I’m wailing into my pillow. Her normal, eager bump/kisses are a tentative tap with a paw. I look up and she wags her tail cautiously. Poor thing isn’t use to my pity parties even after being with me as long as she has. Maybe that means I don’t have them very often?

I am currently reading…

Still finishing up “The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism”. It’s a tough read I think. His logic and my logic don’t follow the same course. It’s more than the fact that he’s a man and I’m… not. It’s a good book… just tough to plow through. Terry bought me a surprise book though! That alone is impetus for me to finish up the other book. (For… ya know I cannot read two books at once – just not possible!). He purchased John Ortberg’s “The ME I want to be: Becoming God’s best version of you”. He is my favorite author and I have all of his books. I can’t wait to get started. When I read something he wrote… I change. Morphing into something a little better, finer, and more pleasing to God. I just love his writing style. (FUNNY!)

I am hoping…

… for so many things I can’t list them here. Many are constant prayer requests, some are simple quick wishes like a cup of hot cocoa!

From the kitchen…

Tonight we are having steak, biscuits and asparagus. Kyersten works tonight and is not crazy about red meat. I take advantage of Friday nights to have our red meat each week. The guys feel like they’ll perish without it. (rolls eyes)

Around the house…

… it will look pretty good around here once my son vacuums!

One of my favorite things…

… is Earl Grey tea. I have a pot brewing in the kitchen right now. I can’t wait to get to it!

My husband…

… is not resting well at night. He resembles Darth Vader as it is with his sleep apnea gear on his face at night, but he’s been twitching and scrambling about the bed covers. I’m deaf (without my cochlear implant), but I’m not dead. He practically tossed me out of the bed last night at one point. I smacked his arm and told him to cut it out. I think he is having nightmares. I need to talk to him… BEFORE we turn the lights out tonight.

My daughter…

… doesn’t eat enough to keep a mouse alive. Ok, alright! Perhaps she eats plenty to keep a mouse alive… sigh. Yeah, she eats enough to keep a whole FAMILY of mice alive, but she doesn’t eat enough to satisfy MOM. She’s such a tiny little thing, and doesn’t eat the most healthy choices when she does choose to eat. I may have to start fussing at her again. Her clothes are loose and I’m going bananas sitting across from her at family meals seeing her 1/2 empty plate.

My son…

… is not gonna be happy when MOM comes stomping downstairs with an ultimatum about the vacuuming.

My assistance dog…

… is asleep in a sun patch. She and Tyco (our Norwegian Elkhound family dog) have been growling at the howling wind.

A picture to share from this week…

My new book!

“Hearing Again” Woman #6

Published on by hearingelmo1 Comment

FOR TODAY… February 19, 2010

Outside my window…

Still lots and lots of snow! We have had a record-breaking February as far as snowfall goes! Our driveway and sidewalk are finally clear, and what was once 8 foot drifts are down to 5 and 6 feet now. I love to shovel snow (strange, aren’t I?) so it has been a very invigorating couple of weeks. I now have MUSCLES. The sun is going down over my shoulder. It feels good on the back of my neck though as I sit here writing. We are suppose to have another two days of sun before we get some more bad weather.

I am thinking…

… about how I’m not going to go to training at Fidos For Freedom tomorrow. There’s a friend I’ve been meaning to visit, and I’m going to see if it will be a good time for me to do so. She went in for heart valve repair surgery at Thanksgiving and almost ended up dying. I’m so thankful she is home (though still recovering) now. It has been a long couple of months for she and her family.

I am hearing…

… not much of anything actually. My son is downstairs doing some homework and my daughter just left for work. Chloe is laying here quietly by my desk. My Elkhound… hmm. I do NOT hear my Elkhound which could mean trouble. I best go check on him, the little rascal.

I am thankful for…

… Elkhounds that find a nice sunny spot and take a nap. The alternative can be very, VERY bad. He’s finally matured out of that puppy “chewing” stage so I don’t have to watch him as carefully as I use too. He sure has enjoyed this snow! I guess that would make sense as he is a “winter breed”.

I am wearing…

… blue jeans, white turtle neck, purple sweatshirt with Baltimore Orioles stitched on the front. Also have my sturdy hiking boots on – a must have when out and about in the backyard among small mountains of melting, icy snow. My hair is in a clip pulled back. I look all of 12-years-old… or so I’ve been told today. Lovely. (?)

A Cochlear Implant…

… can feel very cold after being outside for a long period of time. I have found my best defense against “brain freeze” is a stocking cap or ear warmer headband. Keeps all that titanium from deciding it needs to be colder than my body parts.

I am remembering…

… a movie that I watched long ago. I received a book by the same title in the mail today. I ordered it from Amazon after the recommendation of a friend. “A Walk to Remember”. I need something to read in between my “have to” assignments for this PSYCH/535 class!

I am going…

… to go check on my Elkhound again actually. He’s barking… Ah. A squirrel decided to sit on the other side of the glass door and calmly munch on a peanut. Tyco was going… erm – NUTS.

I need to…

… finish preparations for supper. We are having chicken tacos. It’s a relatively simple meal to make, but I shred the cheese from “scratch” (none of that grocery store bagged stuff that adds saw dust to keep the cheese from making clumps for us!), cut tomato, cilantro, homemade guacamole, etc. Ya know how you look at a recipe and it says “Prep time: 10 minutes, Bake time: 40 minutes”? Well this meal takes longer to prepare for than it does to actually get the meal together at the end! It’s yummy though, so I can’t complain.

A disability is NOT…

… something to be ashamed of. I’ve been telling myself that this week after a mind-numbing slam at Wal-mart this week. I had about an hour where I decided I was done trying… “Why try to even be independent? Why try to shop and carry on like a normal wife and mother?” Well… I had my pity party for that hour. Done. I am a wife and mother first. I am just fine the way I am, thank you very much. Pooh on the disabilities. They are a very small part of who I am. (BIG GRIN)

I am currently reading…

… still reading a textbook written by Hall entitled, “Multicultural Psychology”, Tim Keller’s “A Reason For God” (a must read according to my husband), and no “A Walk to Remember” by Nicholas Sparks.

I am hoping…

… for more snow. But (whispers) don’t tell anyone. I may get strung up!

From the kitchen…

… Yup, Chicken Tacos… with flour tortillas. My family have never eaten the hard shell tacos. Are we strange? (ponders that for a second or two)

Around the house…

… I did laundry today, dusted, and cleaned the bathroom. I can tell it’s been more than a week since I’ve done the bathroom. Incredible how dirty a bathroom can get with 4 people living here. Even more incredible? The upstairs bathroom is really the “master bath”, and yet everyone uses it. Say what?

One of my favorite things…

… burning candles. Today I found I had too though. My 20-year-old daughter was fixing pancakes for lunch (not breakfast) and burned one very badly. I’m surprised the smoke alarm didn’t go off. At least it doesn’t smell like burnt microwave popcorn. Man oh man! Is there anything worse than the smell of burnt microwave popcorn?

My husband…

… burned some microwave popcorn two nights ago. That must be why my nose wrinkles in disgust as I remember the smell. He should be on his way home now. Long commute poor guy, but thankfully he enjoys numerous things he saves “on tape” and listens too on his iPod.

My daughter…

… is at work, and then will be stopping by a friend’s work after she gets off. She’s had a hard day. A bit of a “social crisis” unfolded here today. She handles things so maturely though. Although I hate to admit it, she really is ready to transfer to a 4-year school this fall and move away from home (sniff).

She and I made a pretty funny video during the snow this past week:

My son…

… looks bone tired. He has been working at McDonald’s for almost 2 years now. It is only 3 blocks away (so when he has no transportation due to family “have to” trips) he is able to walk. But let me tell you… McDonald’s is not an easy place to work! He is the “drive through” voice that you hear. He has been treated sooooo badly. People can be so incredibly mean. They treat him like the fact items are no longer for sale, or are a different price, or their coupon is expired is all his fault. He really comes home defeated sometimes. I keep trying to get him to apply to some other places, but he knows this job “inside and out”. He gets to work just 2 days a week, always has Sunday off… gets Tuesday and Thursday off to take classes at AACC. He tells me the perks are worth the “crap”. ????

My assistance dog…

… is looking out the window at the sun setting. We haven’t walked in so long, poor hound dog! I’ve seen plenty of cleared sidewalks, so want to try to do that tomorrow! Wish us luck!

A picture to share from this week…

Chloe admiring the sunset

Point of View

Published on by hearingelmo2 Comments
Black squirrel 2/1/2010

I snapped this picture of one of our black squirrels in between snow storms. Squirrels can be funny sometimes. This pregnant female was eating old bread that I had put out for them, when she paused to look at me as I appeared with the camera. It sometimes makes me wonder who is watching who? For whatever reason, she certainly thought I was interesting!

“Look at that animal on the other side of that glass. They live in such a strange cage! What is that thing in its hand that keeps making flashes of light?” Yeah, the squirrel’s point of view would be interesting to know. Unfortunately, I’ve not successfully interviewed any squirrels lately.

Change in Point of View

I had a dog’s eye view of the world this morning. My Meniere’s kicked in with a vicious reminder that I have a balance disorder. I was extremely wobbly and had a couple of tumbles. I ended up sitting on the floor with the dogs for awhile. (Not as far to fall, ya know?) Seeing things from a “dog’s eye view” was something I do not always experience. I sat on the floor enjoying my green tea with Chloe snuggled close. (For ya know? There is only ONE reason I would be on the floor… and that would be to spend one-on-one time with her!). My goofy Norwegian Elkhound was so excited to have me down on his level. He kept running to the family room to grab a dog toy to bring it back to me. He would detour underneath the heavy dining room table to better navigate the chairs that are rarely pushed in as they should be. Since I was sitting there on the floor, I could see up under the table. One long strand of my daughter’s hair hung from one of the bolts. I could see two large oval places in the carpet where the dogs park themselves under the table during meals. (This lent clear evidence to the fact that when my son vacuums on Wednesdays, he does not do underneath the table! GOTCHA!). Everything looks different from about three feet from the floor. My husband came through the room and I had to look up at him to talk. Dogs always have to look up, don’t they?

Of course “point of view” does not literally mean sharing the same VIEW as another physically. The phrase itself means the mental position of considering something such as an opinion, a story, theory, or suggestion of another.

What Shapes Your Point of View?

Rarely will two people have the same point of view on every topic. Your point of view is often shaped by your life experiences. I’m taking Multicultural Psychology right now, and it took my class nearly a week to agree on a definition for culture. It use to be that a person’s culture had to do with your genetics, race and ethnicity. The field of psychology has been forced to re-define what a culture group is as obviously far more influences the development of an individual than their genes, race and ethnic background. Religiosity, gender, socioeconomic status, disability, sexual orientation, politics, victimization, education, war, natural disaster and much more will affect a person’s development and evolving point of view.

I think it is important to understand what has shaped your own point of view. For one thing, this introspective activity is bound to make you more aware of how the people in your life have a different point of view because of their culture groups. Some psychologists call this broadened definition of culture a new word… sub-cultures. A family can have a number of sub-cultures even within the same house. My husband and I still have both children living at home right now. Believe me… a 19-year-old boy and a 20-year-old girl have different culture groups than my husband and I do. Their very AGE sets them apart from us and provides unique challenges as we navigate living together peacefully in spite of our differences.

At work, I am the only person who has a disability. Thankfully, after working there for seven years now, no one actually treats me like I have a disability. Because I have Chloe now too, they know that she is helping me. As we maneuver up and down the dangerous staircase each school day, they don’t stand and watch with a catch in their breath waiting to jump in and help. They know Chloe can get me up and down the stairs safely. My students no longer crash into each other trying to reach a paper, pen, eraser, or book that I drop in the classroom. Instead they smile and watch Chloe hop up to go retrieve the item for me. (Although many times they are smiling because Chloe has to stretch/yawn first before jogging over to assist).

I absolutely believe that people with disabilities are their own culture group. You may not even have the same disability as another person, but there is something unique about living a life WORTH LIVING in spite of a disability. People with disabilities have unique ABILITIES. It changes your point of view.

What is unique about YOU? What has helped to shape your point of view? Have you ever identified your culture groups? I think that by fully realizing all your OWN puzzle pieces, it makes it much easier to see the completed picture puzzle of others. It helps to keep us from focusing on one confusing, annoying puzzle piece. All the unique puzzle pieces combined make one beautiful person.

Denise Portis

© 2010 Personal Hearing Loss Journal