working dogs – Page 3

It Takes Just One Voice

Published on October 23, 2009October 23, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

My “morning chore” this morning included cleaning up the porch and putting patio furniture up for the season. Each Autumn I accomplish this task, I’m reminded how desperately our deck needs replaced. I haven’t been out on the deck in about a week and was startled to find more Zinnias in full bloom. Don’t they know it’s late October? Most had died and I thought part of my morning chore for this designated “deck clean-up” morning was going to be to shut the flower pots down for the year. I just couldn’t do it… not with brand new Zinnias raising their beautiful colorful heads to celebrate this Fall Fashion Show going on in mid-Maryland right now!

I explained to Chloe how surprised I was to see brand new blooms on the Zinnias. Patient dog that she is she listened attentively, but I could tell she didn’t really understand what all the excitement was about! But you see? The Zinnias were not finished…

Disabled and finished?

This week I received a tearful email from a fellow HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America) member. She was upset about the state of her local chapter. It seems they are having trouble attracting new members and the old members are rarely participating. They are SPECTATORS, but not PARTICIPATORS. A peer mentor at one of the local hospitals that performs cochlear implants for people in our area, she explained to me that she cannot even generate any interest in those relatively new to hearing loss.

“You can see that the word ‘disability’ has sunk into their very soul, impacting the way they choose to live their lives,” she explained. “I try to explain to them that hearing again through a cochlear implant is something to be celebrated! It is not normal, perfect hearing, but it is hearing and choosing to stay involved in the hearing world in which they were a part! If you talk to them you can tell they are depressed, defeated, and ACTING disabled. It’s as if all the color has gone out of their lives.”

I thought about my own support group and local chapter of HLAA. There are a handful of people who volunteer for everything, work hard at making sure the chapter is well run, make it a priority to attend each month, and reach out to other members who are on the ‘roll’.

These folks stand out. They smile, are involved in numerous OTHER community endeavors, love people, make a difference… they are colorful. In spite of their hearing loss, deafness, communication needs and problems, they are noticeable because of their focus on ABILITY instead of DISABILITY.

dAp

Fidos For Freedom participates in dAp programs throughout Maryland. Chloe and I have been to two of these early on in our training together. The disABILITY Awareness Program was started in the late 1970’s. The intent of dAp is to educate children and their teachers about disabilities, what it’s like to be a person with a disability, and to increase acceptance of people who may be ‘different’. I’m given the opportunity to talk about what I CAN do. Fidos For Freedom has been instrumental in helping me to be independent again. I have learned so much about what it means to live “in spite of” a disability. There are so many different disabilities represented in our client family. For many, being partnered with a canine partner helps them focus on the “can do” instead of what they cannot. Many enter the training program at Fidos pretty much beaten down by the fact that their life is now completely different because of a disability. They finish their training in full bloom. They stand out and make a difference. Their independence grants them the courage to re-take their life.

One Voice

I love people with disabilities. Near and dear to my heart are populations with hearing loss, deafness, Meniere’s disease and brain injury. I belong to these populations. I wrote back to my friend this week and tried to encourage her. Many small chapters of organizations like HLAA have to make the decision to perhaps only meet quarterly instead of monthly. What you can’t do is “close shop”. If you make a difference in ONE person each year, is that not important?

Do you feel alone? Ever feel as if you are carrying the load alone and GEE HAS IT BECOME HEAVY? You may be one voice. Are you caring for an elderly parent who has Alzheimer’s? Are you a stay-at-home mom with three little ones under 5-years-old and no one at home SPEAKS ADULT? Do you work with people with addictions, and feel your heart breaking every time someone returns to their drugs or alcohol? Do you love someone with TBI who will never be the same person they were prior to their accident? Do you or a loved one live with a terminal illness?

You can remain in FULL BLOOM … in spite of it being late October. You can be ONE VOICE that makes a difference. An amazing thing can happen to ONE VOICE that remains in full bloom in spite of the season. It may take time and a lot of effort. It may not even happen in your lifetime. But one voice is usually joined by another… and then Another… and ANOTHER. You may never discover your own influence this side of Heaven. Be influential anyway. Stay in full bloom. Be one voice… one that makes a difference. If your life is all that is changed, is that a bad thing?

Some of you may cringe. I love Barry Manilow. (Sue me!) My older brother got me hooked on him in the late 70’s. This is a short song, but I ask you to listen to it and think about it from the point of view of making a difference.

Denise Portis

Sit in the Sun

Published on October 21, 2009October 21, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

Even hound dogs can miss the sun after days of rain!

After FOUR DAYS of drizzle and rain, we have enjoyed SUN. I forget that not being able to go outside can affect our furry family members as well. I was very lucky to not have any errands to run during the days of rain with the exception of running my husband to the airport (whom I let out at the curb) and going to church.

Folks don’t realize how difficult it can be to go out in “inclement weather” when you have a disability that involves your balance. Luckily, I was able to put off running to the store, etc. and work from home during most of those rainy days. I did have one day I had to go in and teach, and Chloe was much more of a “balance assist” dog that day instead of a hearing assistance dog. Poor thing had to retrieve 19 dropped items (yup! I counted!) and had to help me down the very LONG staircase. I guess I shouldn’t say “poor thing”, for truthfully this dog thinks work is PLAY. Her tail is in a constant state of WAG.

Important to Rest and Re-charge

Even Pegasus loves the sun... but he IS naked! Chloe has enjoyed her naps in the sun!

People ask me sometimes if Chloe ever gets to “just be a dog”. She absolutely does! At home she does not wear her vest. Having said that, however, she doesn’t stop working! She has been trained to alert me to the sounds in my home. If someone is at the door… she comes to get me. If my phone rings, she comes to get me or will bring the phone and drop it in my lap. If one of the kids or my husband call my name, she’ll come and get me and take me to them. If the kitchen timer goes off, she comes to let me know. All these things she does without her “working clothes”.

Chloe gets plenty of opportunities to rest and play, however! She barks at bunnies, chases squirrels in the backyard, and tumbles and wrestles with her Elkhound puppy, Tyco. In the evenings she parks her hound-dog self next to me while hubby and I visit and/or watch some taped shows of NCIS. She gets a loving belly-rub the entire time. So don’t feel sorry for working dogs… they are loved, well cared for, and spoiled in many ways!

When to Rest and Re-charge

People need to learn to take a break and go sit in the sun. Especially after numerous “rainy days” that pours itself out on us in the form of stress, difficulties and life problems. We all know when stress is starting to “get to us”. Perhaps you can feel your blood pressure go up, or maybe you develop tummy troubles. You might have difficulty sleeping, or go around BITING THE HEAD OFF of everyone you know.

I just love lists. If you saw my office, you’d laugh out loud! I make lists for everything! My favorite Bible verses are lists that God made for us! He may not “number them” for us, but series of phrases and words are still lists written by God. I have a couple of books my husband got me as really a joke one year. They are called, “Lists to Live By” and I love them! One list I came across this morning reminded me that when we have the opportunity to “sit in the sun”, we should make that time count. Sure… you need to learn to rest. Maybe nap! Relax and unwind! But when you “get back to work” and to facing your problems, it is great to have a plan!

Pat Williams wrote a book called, Unsinkable. Check out this list… and maybe begin brainstorming and thinking about how you can do some of these things during an opportunity you find to “sit in the sun”. In parenthesis, I’ve added my own thoughts.

1. Use what you have. (Don’t tell me you do not have any talents. Even people with disabilities have skills and talents they can use.)

2. Don’t worry about what you don’t have. (Do you have a disability that keeps you from doing something? So what! There are people without disabilities that don’t swim, bungee jump, water ski or travel all over the country! Learn to enjoy what you CAN do, and if you can… ADAPT and change the parameters of an activity so that you can participate. If it cannot be done, don’t worry about it! Find something else you CAN do!)

3. Stay cool when the heat is on. (Under pressure? Biting your nails? Are you WAY TO BUSY? Learn to take time to re-charge… go “sit in the sun”!)

4. When you fall down, get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. (You are gonna fall. It can even hurt. Don’t just lay there… get up and keep going!)

5. Follow through on your dreams. (Don’t let a disability keep you from a dream! Find a way… talk with others and get advice… dreams aren’t only for those who are 100% healthy and problem free)

6. Discipline your thoughts. (Take time to reflect. Exercise your brain. It makes planning and working much more effective. Being organized can save you time… you may even be able to use that extra time to go “sit in the sun”!)

7. Find comfort in helping others. (No matter who you are or what your abilities… you CAN help others. It doesn’t have to be big things. Little things matter to people. Don’t believe me? Think of 5 or 6 little things that do not require money, tons of time, and incredible skill. Do those things on behalf of other people and see if they do not notice!)

8. Give God control. (Ya know He is anyway, right? Relinquishing control allows us to trust in the One who can make these things happen for us anyway!)

Hope you find some time to “sit in the sun” at least figuratively this week!

Denise Portis

Not an Exact Science…

Published on October 12, 2009 by hearingelmo5 Comments

Just because I can zero in and concentrate, doesn't mean I'll always get it right!

Having a hearing assistance dog has its advantages when I do not hear “surround sound”. I have trouble with directionality as I only have one cochlear implant (and due to my balance problems very likely will not ever have a second). I have learned to pay attention to where Chloe is looking in order to figure out from what direction a sound is coming. The only problem is… sometimes I don’t pay attention.

Today our sweet cat, Kiki, found herself stuck due to my inability to hear and failure to take note of WHY Chloe was parked on the stairs instead of next to me. Kiki decided to squeeze between the door and the glass storm door in order to better partake of the sunlight and “view”. I did not know she was there, and closed the door because of the draft as I walked by. Thankfully, my husband came home about 10 minutes later and saw “cat on glass” as Kiki was smushed like a sardine between the storm door and metal door. We retrieved her amongst a chorus of “poor kitty”, and “I can’t believe I did that” while Kiki just purred and basked in all the attention. yellowchairkiki Having a hearing assistance dog is not an exact science when it comes to utilizing her amazing ears if I don’t pay attention to where she is fixated! I really have to pay attention to why she is parked and pointedly looking in one direction!

Reading Lips/Speech Reading

Some people believe that everyone with hearing loss read lips well. Actually, they call it speech reading now, as really you are trying to discern what someone says solely by what you see on their mouth as they speak. Speech reading is not an exact science. As a matter of fact, mistakes are often made by even the best of speech readers. Now that I hear as well as I do with my cochlear implant, I have lost the ability to speech read to some degree as I may once again rely on what I am hearing to understand in many situations. I do still rely on speech reading in noisy environments, and I will always be a big fan of closed captions. Several friends (God bless ’em) have started posting video links in Facebook that have the lyrics attached as well. This only enables me to hear BEST, so I am always thankful for what I see in addition to what I hear.

A couple of nights ago, my daughter was talking to her boyfriend on Skype. They go to separate colleges and during the school year have a “long-distance” relationship. My husband and I graduated from different colleges as well, but our only hope of contact was through a weekly letter (through good ol’ fashioned snail mail) and the occasional phone call. I was still able to use the phone well at the time, and waited by the pay phone at the end of the hall every Friday night. Technology has changed “long distance relationships”. My daughter actually has “candlelight dinner dates” with her boyfriend via Skype. They talk almost daily either “face-to-face” with Skype and webcam, or a minimum of numerous texts sent immediately through the easy access of cell phones. I popped my head in the other night and found them “talking”. My daughter “muted” the long-distance boyfriend so that she could ask me what I wanted. (Another interpretation, “Can’t you see I’m busy? Hurry up!”) Her boyfriend was still talking, so I told her what he was saying. She quickly typed (as you can both speak and type thru Skype) and asked him if what I said he asked was what was actually said. I was right on the button! She unmuted BK (the boyfriend) and both were amazed at my ability. I immediately chalked it up to “luck” and reminded them both that it isn’t a cheap parlor trick! It takes work and concentration to really be good at speech reading. I simply got lucky!

Think About What Looks Alike

I picked up a good HoH (hard of hearing) habit from a friend in California in 2006. She coached me to learn to repeat to people what I thought I heard even if I knew it could not be right. By doing so it did several positive things:

1. It allowed the person with normal hearing to only have to repeat what I got wrong, saving them the time and possible exasperration of repeating everything verbatim.

2. It allows the person with normal hearing to begin to understand what things sound like to ME… a person who hears with a cochlear implant. They learn to be experts at rephrasing things and finding synonyms to explain the same comment.

3. It allows both parties to see the “funny” in trying to make sense of what I hear. I both SEE in speech reading and hear with a cochlear implant.

4. It allows the HoH person to learn to extend grace and to accept that mistakes are made and most people are eager to help clear up the confusion. It creates a positive communication environment.

Stop for a moment and think about what looks the same on the mouth when words are enunciated. Some mistakes I’ve made:

1. I thought someone walked towards me with an admiring glance and said… “Sweeeeet…. heart”!

Really they were looking beyond me and saw a red corvette… they were saying “Sweeeeet Car!“

2. The words six and set look the same as SEX. (yikes!)

3. Mom I’m knitting hard!

Which was really, “Mom, I need the car!”

4. Mrs. Portis, I forgot my paper. Canons get formica? (I was really scratching my head in confusion on this one)

Mrs. Portis I forgot my paper, can I run get it from my car?

Learning to speech read more accurately, can however, help a HoH person communicate better. My local chapter of HLAA has plans to do a 2 hour “speech reading tips” class in the next couple of months. Some great resources that we will be utilizing, come from CHHA (Canadian Hard of Hearing Association), and include:

“Sound Ideas: Managing your Hearing Loss” manual and video

“Lip Reading Naturally” by Frances Mezei and Shirlee Smith

Think It Looks Easy?

I have a challenge for you. Mute your television and see if you can figure out what is being said. You might be surprised at how well… or how poorly you do!

Some additional resources:

1. http://www.agbell.org/docs/speechreading.pdf

2. http://www.lipread.com.au/Products.html

3. http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Lip-Reading-Self-Instruction-Edward-Nitchie/dp/1428638008

4. http://www.lipreading.com/

Denise Portis

Happy Birthday Chloe!

Published on October 5, 2009October 5, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

birthday Chloe turned five-years-old on Thursday, October 1st. According to one source, that makes Chloe about 36-years-old in human years. No wonder she is perfectly fine with a Sunday afternoon nap now!

History in a Nutshell

Chloe came to Fidos For Freedom in January of 2005 as a three month old puppy. PC310044 Chloe was puppy raised by Linda O., who is a long-time Puppy Raiser for Fidos For Freedom. Chloe has an anonymous sponsor, however we have been blessed to get to know her as well over the years. Chloe’s sponsor has acted as such on behalf of numerous Fidos For Freedom dogs.

Chloe had two fantastic trainers. First she trained with Jolanthe W., and later with Pat J. Both were instrumental in helping Chloe to learn basic obedience, public deportment, and hearing alerts.

In January of 2007, I was matched with Chloe at a Wednesday night training. I’m not sure who had the happiest tail wag!

Chloe and I graduated from Fidos For Freedom at the Tux & Tails Gala in May of 2009.

I cannot imagine life without Chloe! Whether it is doing her job alerting me to sounds I do not hear, or retrieving dropped items so that I do not topple from the Meniere’s, Chloe is simply glad to be with me. She doesn’t even consider her job, “work”.

In honor of all those canine partners who assist their human with various tasks, I want to wish Chloe a very Happy Birthday!

Denise Portis

Random Contemplations

Published on September 21, 2009September 21, 2009 by hearingelmo2 Comments

istock_woman_thinking.70184934 I was trying to fall asleep last night and decided to brainstorm about what I could write about this week. It’s been an “uneventful” week, which is really a good thing! I don’t mind uneventful weeks.

As I tried to think of something that might interest YOU, I realized that my brain was busy with random contemplations. Some were serious. Some were… erm –

NOT.

1. Why is it that now I am over 40 I get these stray hairs on my CHIN? And why must these hairs have roots that stretch all the way to your big toe? It’s the only reason I can think of that when you pull one with the tweezers your big toe curls as you scream.

2. Why is it that I enjoy hearing with my cochlear implant so much, and yet there is a certain relief to remove it at night before bed? Perhaps it is just the knowledge that I always know I’ll sleep well (unless I’m brainstorming). Perhaps it’s because there is a difference between hearing and hearing WELL? It takes work in the form of attentiveness, concentration and perseverance to communicate in this noisy world. I’m not complaining… I’m just sayin’! Relief!

3. Why do dogs turn around three times before they lay down? Why do three of our dogs turn in “one direction” before they lay down, and one of the dogs always turns in the other? Is he “left-handed”?

4. Why is it so difficult to find plain sweettarts in a roll? Who carries those now? I can’t find them anywhere!

5. Why does my cochlear implant always give me a warning “beep” that the batteries are low when I’m driving in the car? Why can’t it happen at home before I leave? How DOES IT KNOW? Sigh.

6. Why do young adult kids in college sigh and roll their eyes if you knock on their door to bother them while they are doing homework, yet will pop into my office to bother me while I’m doing homework of my own now? Why doesn’t it matter to me? I drop everything and give them my undivided attention and sit and contemplate how special they are after they leave. I’m pretty sure they don’t do that when I leave THEIR room!

7. Why am I the only one that can close the bread properly? I don’t even eat a lot of bread! How hard is it to twist the excess plastic at the end, and twist a “twistie-tie” around it? It apparently requires a college degree.

8. Why does God always send me “something” just when I need it most? Whether it be a verse, or an email/post from a friend who cares, or a song? I had forgotten how much a song can do for the soul, and try to “tune in” now that I can hear again. Sometimes? I don’t even realize how much I need something from God until He sends something my way.

9. How did I let blackberry season come and go and not get out somewhere to pick some? What will I do this winter without blackberries to eat? I’m going to have to corner friends next year and beg them to go with me.

10. Why does it seem like we don’t have time to send someone a “real” card (not an e-card)? It isn’t until I get one in the mail myself that reminds me why it is so nice to see the real hand-writing from someone who cares.

11. Why does Chloe bark at horses if she’s in the car, causing my cochlear implant to stop (ADRO program) because her bark is too loud, but when she sees a horse face-to-face and outside the car she tries to hide behind my legs?

12. Why do people say men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Cripes, people… we are all living on EARTH. Get over it! Yeah we act different, but that makes life interesting.

13. How does Chloe know when I turn my alarm off the night before I know I can sleep in? She must have an internal alarm clock, because she gets me up at the same time regardless. If my alarm is SET and goes off, the licks my arm or hand and bumps my face. If my alarm is NOT set, she jumps on the bed and tackles me?

14. Why do I love bananas, but cannot stand banana pudding, popsicles, taffy or moon pies? Sorry… can’t add much to this one.

15. Why is that I felt like my mom was a know-it-all growing up, and now that I don’t live with her I realize she really did? I miss my mom…

16. Why can’t the Denver Broncos have a winning team? I mean… I miss the Orange Crush. I even (gulp) miss Elway. Somebody shoot me…

17. How hard can it be to find the LOTR trilogy in DVD? I can’t find it ANYWHERE because they are coming out with Blue Ray soon. What about those of us who still use regular ol’ DVD players?

18. Why is it that I have a college degree and am in grad school and can’t work a remote? I can’t even turn ON our television. There is one remote that turns it on, one that runs the TIVO, and one that runs the volume. My kids can do it, and I cannot.

19. Why are solitary walks (with perhaps just a dog by your side) one of the most peaceful things a person can do? Why don’t I deliberately and habitually make time to do something that brings me so much peace?

20. What’s not to love about Facebook? I love to look at … faces.

Denise Portis

Thorns

Published on September 8, 2009September 30, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

What may look small, can cause BIG trouble!

About 10 days ago I decided to be industrious and trim the rosebush in the back yard. This rose bush is about 15 years old and HUGE. Our backyard is pretty much the “playground of the canines”, so I do little more to it than mow really! However, this rosebush is truly a monster! I’ll have to get a picture of it in full bloom sometime. By the end of the summer, the branches are hanging low to the ground and some pruning is necessary. I decided to do it on impulse, which is never a good start to any project.

Instead of wearing gloves and long sleeves, I simply ran inside to fetch the clippers. It shouldn’t surprise you that by the time I was finished I was covered in scratches and even a rash! (I must be allergic to multiple rosebush thorn scratches). One particular thorn ended up causing a lot of problems.

Somehow, it broke off under the skin of my right index finger. I’m not sure why I’m saying “somehow”, because we’ve already established I was doing this without gloves (sigh).

Anyway… I couldn’t get it out! Today, it had finally healed enough that I decided to try again. I found a needle, disinfected it, and found a bright sunny spot in my office to plop down and “dig”. I was amazed that I got it out after 3 or 4 minutes!

How could such a tiny thing, cause so much pain and distress for 10 days?

Thorns are nasty little things. I suppose for the rosebush, it serves a purpose. But thorns are definitely one of those things that ended up in existence after “the Fall”. What good are they really to anything other than the plant?

Thorns make great analogies, however. For example, plants that produce thorns (which includes many weeds) are easy to grow. They require very little maintenance. Within a short period of time, they can choke out plants that you sowed on purpose!

Choking out the Important

Chloe is a wonderful assistance dog. I really count on her, and I cannot imagine life without her! However, Chloe isn’t perfect. Many of her “faults” are common hound tendencies. Hounds are hunters and should Chloe spy a bunny in the front yard, the house could be burning down and she’d only sit and perseverate on that bunny. I acknowledge one time what she’s barking at, and then work hard to re-direct her. Sometimes I have to get firm, and sternly tell her to “settle”. Infrequently, I have to go a little farther. If she simply will not leave the very thought of that bunny alone, I command her to go in a “down/stay” in her bed by my desk. (This is where she usually plants herself anyway as she’s rarely far from my side sans a bunny in the front yard). When she is commanded to go there, however, to her it is punishment. To let me know how she felt, she decided to pout.

Chloe may decide to let all her training and every good thought to be choked out by thorns if she allows it. She can be decidedly narrow-minded once a bunny enters the picture. Thankfully, she is eager to please as well, and so her pouts are normally short-lived.

Don’t we all allow one thing to crowd out everything else sometimes?

Accentuate the Positive

There is an old song about accentuating the positive. Many times we choose to do the opposite. One or two things can be going wrong in our life, and suddenly our lives are “horrible”. I get frustrated with people who have a bad day, and then announce that they “hate their life”.

For some reason, we will let thorns choke out every good thing in our lives. The Bible is full of verses about thorns, and they often have to do with choking out good things. Another anaology the Bible uses is that of a “thorn in the side”. Ouch! We should strive to be a blessing to others, not a thorn in their side!

Is Hearing Loss a Thorn, or a Blessing

Isn’t it hard to try and be thankful for a life-changing disability? I don’t know that we ever have to quit TRYING. It doesn’t naturally “compute”, and it is a daily decision we have to make. The alternative however, is to allow our disability to be a thorn. It can grow and fester and choke out all the good things in our lives. If you have a hearing loss and it affects your communication with others, do you allow the negatives to choke out all the numerous positives in your life? It’s easy to do; easy to allow…

You may need to get out your clippers and do some pruning. Take my word for it; don’t do it on impulse. Plan, prepare, pray, and make sure you dispose of all the clippings.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics of this great old song, Accentuate the Positive:

Gather ’round me, everybody
Gather ’round me while I’m preachin’
Feel a sermon comin’ on me
The topic will be sin and that’s what I’m ag’in’
If you wanna hear my story
The settle back and just sit tight
While I start reviewin’
The attitude of doin’ right

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium’s
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

(Man, they said “We’d better accentuate the positive”)
(“Eliminate the negative”)
(“And latch on to the affirmative”)
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium’s)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)

You got to ac (yes, yes) -cent-tchu-ate the positive
Eliminate (yes, yes) the negative
And latch (yes, yes) on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
No, don’t mess with Mister In-Between

Denise Portis

Very thankful for…

Published on August 30, 2009August 30, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

… copiers who “spit out” the copies high up instead of down low. See the look of disappointment on Chloe’s face? One of her favorite things to do is to “collect” the copies if they come out low.

School is starting! “Back to School Night” is tomorrow night and classes officially start 9/10! I only filled two classes this year so will only be teaching in the afternoon. As I’m in school myself, this will actually be a welcome break.

(pssst… hey Chloe? Ready to be my school bell again?)

Denise Portis

Turning Off An Alert

Published on August 8, 2009August 9, 2009 by hearingelmo7 Comments

No worries... this is a staged picture. The tea kettle is cold, and a treat is on the stove to award a "Paws up" command.

One of the things I really love about Fidos For Freedom, is that even when you have completed your training you receive follow-up support “for life”. I see Chloe’s trainer about 3 times a month and so when I decided I wanted Chloe to learn a new alert, I contacted Pat.

I was putting the tea kettle on the stove to boil and walking away to check my email in the mornings. It would “whistle” like crazy after I obviously forgot about it after walking away. (You’d think I could wait patiently for all of 2 minutes!) My kids are sleeping in this summer on days they don’t work… at least, they are if the tea kettle doesn’t whistle them awake after it has been boiling for ten minutes or so! They BEGGED me to stop leaving the tea kettle without watching it. Well, I knew one other hearing assistance dog at Fidos who alerted to the tea kettle for her partner. I asked Pat how this was done, and she gave me a step-by-step plan of how to train this alert.

It worked like a charm! In a matter of a week, Chloe was alerting to the whistling tea kettle. The only problem is that I found I now had to turn that alert OFF.

Chloe bumps things with her nose to let me know what is making the sound. If a kitchen timer goes off or my cell phone rings, Chloe bumps them with her nose. When I taught her to alert to the tea kettle, I was finally able to “just forget about it” because she understood that this was now a part of her job. She’d race to get me and then make sure I was following her into the kitchen. Before I could stop her she tried bumping the hot tea kettle with her nose. I screeched and scared her to death ‘mid-bump’!

I thought, “well maybe it is all in the timing…” I attempted to follow her much more closely when she came to get me to let me know the tea kettle was whistling. That worked on days my balance wasn’t giving me fits. However on rainy days when Meniere’s disease caused me to have difficulty walking fast, she would beat me to the kitchen every time! I had to screech at her again!

She started being really anxious to alert to the tea kettle! (Wouldn’t you?) Everytime she did her job, I ended up having to screech at her. For now, I am hanging out in the kitchen for the 2 minutes or so it takes for the tea kettle to whistle. I think I’ll time how long it takes to be “almost whistling” and set the kitchen timer instead. The tea kettle would be an important alert (especially if you ask my sleepyhead kids), but it isn’t worth a burn on Chloe’s nose or paw. It is time to re-think how I want to do this. For now, the alert needs turned off.

Conditioning

When I first began losing my hearing, a subtle yet negative pattern began to take place in the way I interacted with others. If there was a communication blunder, faux pas or misunderstanding, it was always the hearing person’s fault. They not only didn’t understand what I was going through, but they didn’t care! Or so I had convinced myself…

The reality is that my disability is MY problem. It’s not YOUR problem! I had to learn to be proactive – not REactive. It can be very frustrating to tell someone to please face me when they talk – AGAIN. But the truth of the matter is, I make as many or MORE mistakes than the hearing people in my life. I start conversations with someone in my family from another room almost on a daily basis. I can hear them responding, and have to quickly hustle into the other room to at least catch the tail end of what they said. If I cannot understand, I sheepishly have to ask for a repeat (Baa – BAAA)

After I joined HLAA and began to learn from my peers a better way to communicate and advocate, I realized I desperately needed to be re-conditioned. Through the beginning years of my hearing loss I had conditioned myself to believe and react in such a way that hearing people were out to get me and that I needed to harshly and sternly educate in bullheaded opposition in order to gain their cooperation. I desperately needed to turn off this “alert”.

As the result of having established a bad habit in the way I choose to handle conflict regarding communication, I had begun alienating people round me. Worse… my behaving in such a way only insured that the next hard-of-hearing or late-deafened person this “idiot hearing person” dealt with would receive a defensive response. Not only was I hurting myself, but others with hearing loss as well.

Once in awhile I meet someone “new” that has hearing loss and a chip on their shoulder. I want to take them aside and explain my own history and need to turn off an “alert” It’s not always the right time or place, but I have had the opportunity to do so a few times. Sharing my own story seems to mean more than fussing at them about what they are doing. Explaining how to communicate with me best is an important “alert” or task. But to do so the wrong way is not worth “burning” someone else. I was taught and encouraged to re-think how I wanted to convey this information. I had to turn off an old “alert”.

It is very likely that all of us have something we should change… a bad reaction we have towards others. Maybe it’s one person that really gets under your skin. You hear their name and your blood pressure goes up! It may be time to recondition a negative response. You may not even realize it, but you may be hurting your reputation by the way you choose to respond to even the mistakes of others. Your own reputation or testimony may not be all that is at stake. Perhaps you are making all Democrats or Republicans look bad. Maybe you are making all Christians appear holier-than-thou or judgemental. Maybe the way you behave affects the way others look at all people with hearing loss. If you recognize this, you can turn the alert off and recondition the way you respond. If I can do it, anyone can!

Denise Portis

I’m sorry… 5 Different Ways

Published on July 23, 2009 by hearingelmo1 Comment

I’ve always been a big fan of “The 5 Love Languages”, written by Gary Chapman and along with other combinations of co-authors like Ross Campbell, and Jennifer Thomas. In collecting some background information for this post, I see that there are now 7 titles total. I’m behind! I only have 4 of the books! My favorite of the “lot”, is “The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships”. Every person has a preference in how they apologize. This is a good indicator of how they prefer to be apologized to by others!

Doggedly Different

chloe sorry Chloe and I have been working together for a little over two years now. In the beginning, I had to really get to know her and learn what some of her calming signals, body language and other cues meant. Sometimes as clients-in-training, we pick up things from our trainers just by paying attention. The trainers work with more than one dog more often than not. They simply cannot relay every single tidbit of information about your dog to you. When I’ve asked specific questions, they may think a second about MY dog and then answer as best they know. Something I picked up by listening to Pat was the word “phoeey”. It isn’t even said in a harsh way, or with an elevated tone.

We were at a gas station filling up Pat’s car. Chloe wasn’t staying overnight with me yet, and so the fact that Pat was OUTSIDE the car filling up had Chloe concerned. I could just barely hear Chloe’s high pitch whine. When Pat got back in the car, Chloe hopped up to give Pat’s ear a kiss, and Pat calmly said, “Chloe phoeey”. Chloe immediately went back to her place “happy as a clam” and seemed assured that all was right in the world again.(Is a clam ever happy, folks? Where do we get some of our phrases? EYES ROLL).

By LISTENING, I learned that if I say “phoeey” to Chloe she understands to stop what she is doing. If it is something she knows she should NOT have been doing, she attempts to apologize as well. For Chloe, an apology is a sweet sit, eyes connect with a tiny sheepish duck of the head. She will many times put a paw on my knee if I’m sitting as if to say, “Sorry… we ok?” A pat on the head is all that is required for her to know the apology is accepted.

My Elkhound pup turned two this month, and believe me he is still a pup! tyco1 Tyco is very sensitive, and if I ask him to stop doing something (a louder WRONG for he ignores a “Tyco phoeey”), he belly crawls to me and licks my feet! The poor guy! I scratch his ears and “love talk” him for 10 seconds to let him know there are no bad feelings.(Longer periods of time just rewards his behavior… I want him to know all is well and GET ON WITH LIFE).

naked Peg 003 Pegasus is a nervous little guy. If he is corrected by person or other dog, Pegasus will TWIRL to apologize. He twirls. Constantly. In one direction. Opposite what my world spins due to Meniere’s. Needless to say, I intervene before I fall on my caboose. I reach down and pick him up mid-twirl, smooch him a kiss loudly and confidently, and set him back down. WHEW. Apology accepted. ebony Ebony? Well she is our senior citizen. If she is corrected, (usually Ebony – NO) she ignores us. After all… she’s deaf (and partially blind, and arthritic, collapsing trachea, enlarged heart, liver disease, rotating patellas, alopecia and MORE).

5 Different Apologies

I think every person should read this book! I have learned so much about how each of my own family members have a different apology language. I’m learning how to do the same with other family members and friends. The apology languages are as follows:

1. Expressing Regret (“I am sorry”)

2. Accepting Responsibility (“I was wrong”)

3. Making Restitution (“What can I do to make it right?”)

4. Genuinely repenting (“I’ll try not to do that again”)

5. Requesting Forgiveness (“Will you please forgive me?”)

In a perfect world there would be no need for apologies. Since we live in a world that is far from perfect, it would be wise to learn to apologize. Let’s face it! We all blow it!

On Purpose

Sometimes we intentionally purpose to make someone mad or hurt them. I wish it weren’t true, but I can be honest with myself. There are times I know that what I’m going to say or do will either make another angry or hurt. Perhaps I justify it because it is done with vengeance. Maybe I’m just in a rotten mood and desire to “share the feeling”. It may be that I’m tired, not feeling well, and should go to bed instead of trying to communicate with someone. The damage is done! I believe when we are willful and premeditated about our wounding, our apology should reflect the seriousness of situation. I believe we should not only SAY we are sorry, but SHOW we are sorry. If I ever find that I am deliberate about being unkind, I attempt to make restitution. Shame on me!

Oops… did I do that?

Sometimes we hurt someone unintentionally. Apologies are given because of how another received what we said or did, not because it was our intent to hurt them. Have you ever discovered you hurt someone and that disclosure took YOU by surprise? If you hurt someone accidentally, you should apologize. Depending on the circumstances, you may try to explain what you were attempting to do. Don’t justify your actions WITHOUT an apology. It doesn’t really matter what you MEANT. If it hurt someone, we should try to make that right. We shouldn’t be so proud that we cannot say, “I’m sorry! I did not mean it that way, and I’m really sorry that what I said ended up hurting you!”

Having said all of that, we need to be careful about our own sensitivity. At certain times in my life, I remember being in the frame of mind where I EXPECTED people to say or do hateful things. Guess what? I was never disappointed. It seemed that every day I was owed an apology for something. What a terrible way to live! If someone says something a bit “off”, try not to jump to the conclusion that is was meant maliciously or callously. Expect the best from people… not their worst.

Recently my son and I were working together to change the cat litter out in the litter boxes. The kids have 3 cats between the two of them and so we have 3 litter boxes. (Ever tried to ask a cat to wait in line with her legs crossed?). We buy cat litter in huge 40 pound bags. I simply cannot lift it and “aim” at the same time. My 6′ almost 3″ son has no problem hefting big awkward bags… unless any dust happens to aggravate his allergies that is! In the middle of hefting, tilting and aiming the bag, he gave a tremendous house-rattling SNEEZE. Yup. You guessed it! When the dust cleared, he and I both looked down at the pile of litter that now completely covered my bare FEET.

“Um… gee mom. Sorry about that!”

I wiggled my toes. They didn’t appear because the pile was THAT DEEP. He didn’t MEAN to bury my feet. It wasn’t his intention to set up an accident to where it would necessitate my cleaning litter out from between my toes. I couldn’t help it… I started to giggle, then I began to crack up… and finally my son and I were both in stitches just dying laughing! We cleaned up the mess, and finished the job… but just barely! Chris gets the hiccups when he laughs THAT hard, which is just about as dangerous as a sneeze!

Heck! Even DOGS understand when it wasn’t on purpose! Sometimes my two big dogs will be playing and one of them may inadvertently nibble/pinch too hard. If Tyco did the “oops”, he drops and crawls to Chloe and licks her feet with his ears flattened. His apology language doesn’t change species to species it seems! If Chloe does the “ouchie”, she will come and sit next to Tyco and give him a soft cuff and lean against him. She looks up under her eyelashes at him with a look that says, “Did I do that? Um, sorry – oops!”

Chip on Their Shoulder

Have you ever met someone who is ultra-sensitive? It seems like every time you are with them you say or do something that hurts their feelings or wounds their fragile ego. Do we owe them an apology every single time? Wouldn’t our conversations with them end up being apologies alone? In the course of my lifetime I have been in contact with people like this. You may have to sit them down and say:

“You know? It seems like whenever we are together I say or do something that makes you mad or hurts your feelings. I’m really not intentionally doing these things! It may be that you have this expectation of me. Can we discuss this?”

Perhaps you should agree to just limit your contact with this person. Maybe you don’t have a choice! This may mean that you have to change your own behavior and carefully, methodically respond when with this person. You may be in a situation where it is impossible to tip-toe around the other person’s feelings. Your one-on-one conversation may include something like:

“It seems I cannot say or do anything to keep you from being upset. If you watch my interactions with others, I love to laugh, tease and interact with others in a positive way. I understand you do not like this and I have never intended to cause you pain. It may mean that we work together as best we can, and just acknowledge that our personalities do not mesh well. That’s OK! We don’t have to be friends to work together with mutual respect.”

If you are obsessing over where “happy as a clam” came from, feel free to click the clam to see what “Wise Geeks” says. Yeah… I was obsessing!

Denise Portis

B.L.I.N.G and Invisible Disabilities

Published on July 21, 2009July 21, 2009 by hearingelmo9 Comments

My 19-year-old daughter came up with the witty acronym of B.L.I.N.G. (B asically L iving I nvisible is N ot G ood). It can be tied to a variety of life lessons.

Cochlear implant “bling” and Assistance Dogs

I am a late-deafened adult and I also have Meniere’s disease. Being “late-deafened” is a fancy way of saying that I lost my hearing after I learned oral language. Hearing loss can be mild, moderate, severe or profound. Although all levels of hearing loss affect the way in which a person freely communicates, a person obviously has more serious problems the more severe their hearing loss is. I think part of the reason that HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America), ALDA (Association of Late-Deafened Adults), and other non-profit organizations for people with hearing loss have trouble attracting new members is that for most people, hearing loss is a nuisance and not a life-changing disability.

According to NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics), there are 37 million Americans who have trouble hearing (NCHS, 2006). A study done by Gallaudet in 2001 reveals that 8 million Americans have difficulty hearing even with the use of a hearing aid (Gallaudet Research Institute, 2007). This leaves approximately 29 million Americans who communicate effectively in spite of a hearing loss. This vast majority of people with hearing loss enjoy the invisibility of their disability as they function well “in spite of”. They “look” like everyone else. They do not have a need for support groups, advocacy or a connection to a non-profit organization because they have no need to identify with the hearing loss group. (I discussed why some people choose to not seek help when they DO have a significant loss here.)

When it became obvious that my own hearing loss was progressive, I began to realize how difficult it is to have an invisible disability. Prior to my cochlear implant in 2005, you would never know I had a disability unless I opened my mouth to speak to you. My speech was beginning to deteriorate just a little bit due to the fact I had not heard my own voice in a number of years. I may have interrupted conversations, not realizing someone else was speaking. I had trouble balancing the volume of my voice and more often spoke to softly than to loudly! Meniere’s disease kindly bestows noticeable symptoms for me when it’s a rainy or overcast day. You would never know it, however, unless I tried to walk a straight line or go up or down steps!

Being surgically implanted with a cochlear implant felt a little bit like a miracle. I could hear my own voice again in most environments and my speech improved dramatically over the period of only a couple of months! Having a cochlear implant does not mean I hear perfectly, however. There are some situations with a lot of background noise or poor acoustical environments that I may have to ask for a “repeat”. I may have trouble following conversations if I’m extremely fatigued. Prior to my implant, I had already adopted bright colored ear molds for my hearing aids and wore my hair up. I found out through a great deal of “trial and error” that it was in my best interests for people to know that I have difficulty hearing. After I received a cochlear implant, I didn’t see the need to change my adopted visibility. I wear “bling” on my CI, and it does draw attention to the fact that I hear but not in a normal way. It allows people to quickly identify that they may need to be sure to face me when they talk, or be aware that if I ask for a repeat it is not because I’m not paying attention. I really believe my “bling” helps other people as much as it helps me.

Having a hearing assistance dog who also does balance related tasks for me, brings attention to my disability as well. If you’ve ever thought about having an assistance dog, but do not like to field questions or have people notice you, then you may want to reconsider. Chloe comes from Fidos For Freedom in Laurel, Maryland. It’s not her bright red vest that gets attention. What makes people notice is simply the fact that she is a DOG! It’s not very often you see a dog in a store, restaurant or even church!

B asically L iving I nvisible is N ot G ood

Recently, God allowed a very mean person to be a part of my life for a short time. I say that GOD allowed this person, because it actually served to remind me that there are bigoted mean people who not only do not understand disabilities, but choose not to understand. Through FaceBook, I ended up “accepting a friend invite” because they were involved with someone I trusted. It didn’t take very long for this person’s true colors to be revealed. Comments left on my uploaded photos or “Notes” and eventually conversations between this person and myself and my husband through “instant messaging”, all revealed how there are still people who don’t “get it”. We received over 45 comments and messages from people astonished that there were still people like this out there! Some people do not realize that disabilities are often invisible. They do not understand that there are good reasons to make an invisible disability… visible! Some people do not understand that disabilities are not chosen. There are some that do not understand that disabilities may not only be life changing, they can be terminal. Many diseases and disabilities are those that shorten a life. God used this person in my life to remind me that some people are not only uneducated about disabilities, but they may willfully choose to believe the worst about those who have them. (It’s a great relief to not have to put up with this person anymore, but I do thank God that it was used to open my eyes!)

For me… basically living invisible is not good. There may be other people with Meniere’s disease or deafness who choose to live another way. I respect that! “Bling” works for me. It reminds even those I know well that in spite of my speaking perfect English (with the exception of a southern accent), I do not hear normally. It reminds them that if I repeat part of what I heard and wait for a repeat of what I didn’t… that it isn’t because I chose to stop paying attention. If I say, “whoa” under my breath and touch the wall in order to snap my visual field back into focus, they are reminded why I have a dog who picks up things for me and “braces”.

“Bling” and an assistance dog both serve to allow me to live with some independence. I don’t have to have family members with me now just to go to the post office or a store.

Invisible Awareness Week

There are others who know what it is like to have an invisible illness or disability. September 14-20 is “Invisible Awareness Week“. If you or someone you know have an invisible illness, I encourage you to check out this site!

If you do not have an invisible disability, chances are you know someone who does. Do you know some of the strongest advocates for people with disabilities are those who do not have one? Think about it… who will get further with a person who misunderstands the needs, reactions, or communications from a person with an invisible illness or disability? Certainly people who live with invisible illnesses or disabilities should learn to advocate in a positive way. Their ability to do so helps us all! However, if you take a person aside and teach them… explain to them a little bit about another person’s disability or illness, it may mean even more! Every person can be a strong advocate for others.

Denise Portis